Today, I went to the toilet during drama class, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML
Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back, the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML
Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML
Today, I have a condition that when I get nervous, I get horrible diarrhea. I was taking an online math test worth a huge portion of my grade when I felt the rumble. Turning off the camera is an automatic fail, so I had to take my laptop to the bathroom with me. The teacher kicked me out of class. FML
Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML
Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML
Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Really constipated? That's the best lie you could come up with? How about being accosted by 6 ninjas in the hallway, and you narrowly escaped them with your life? If you're going to lie, at least make it a good one that doesn't make you look like a complete idiot.
Lennsik 4
Well it appears that situation went down the toilet.
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Comments (99)
Cinn_fml 23
If you're going to skive five minutes, at least have the sense to not forget what you're supposed to be doing. Besides, it's getting you used to have to tell people 'embarrassing' things.
Doortje 30
YDI for wanting to play monopoly on your iPod so badly. The entertaining time of that game is about 30 seconds.
boopityboppity 11
You want to know how everyone feels about Monopoly? *Scatters pieces* F*** this game! It's four in the morning, grandma; you win!
kelekod 1
Where'd you get the pink fifties? Or I'll cut your head off with this little doggie.
bwa14 0
lol Dane for mitherfuckin win :) it's where'd you get the pink fifties you cheating ***** lol
Spoiled16 0
lmao! Win!!
Jiraiya72 0
If you're going to waste time, at least do it with a less shitty game.
maybaybe 0
this.
xRockstar816x 2
Pshh, I can play Monopoly in class without getting in trouble. Shoulda just done that.
sapphirenite 0
monopoply, really???
boopityboppity 11
No, not really. It was Monopoly.
Fatman13 0
haha fail
Karnezar 2
I don't know why, but this is the funniest comment on FML I've read so far..
Forever_Hyper 0
Who the hell does that? You don't tell the teacher you're "constipated." God, these stories are becoming shittier and shittier. This isn't what FML is supposed to be.
teeaitch 2
Should have used the Get Out of Jail card
wettcherry 0
lmao @ teeaitch!!
KittehSayzRAWR 0
I'm trying to make a Paypal account, but it's not working!
princessbits 17
YDI for playing monopoly in the bathroom then coming up with a lame excuse
Stupidpeopleanno 5
Uno>Monopoly