Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight....

By unloved - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Sorry…

Poker Face

By Emmpag - South Africa - Johannesburg

And then.....

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

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30409

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By anon - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33655

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By erin - France

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

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9258

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By Hailey Antone - United States

Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32261

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By Randy Savage - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

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17778

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By Erik - 13/3/2021 11:00 - Netherlands

WHERE IS IT?

Today, after days of torture, I finally found out where the annoying fire alarm with empty batteries was hidden. The previous house owners had it hidden behind the top board of a wall cabinet. FML

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814

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By sharky - United States

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23974

You deserved it

2019

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55769

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By double trouble

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

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35766

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By Going to work naked tomorrow - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2135

You deserved it

202

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By MumMatters - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

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16070

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35590

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By Monique - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

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31034

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By rissalynn

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

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1741

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133

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By halfasleep - United States - New Haven

Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML

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21614

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By Anonymous - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom found out that I've been having counselling behind her back for the past 4 years. I broke down in tears explaining everything. Her response was, "So you go and bitch about me behind my back?!" And she wonders why I'm depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53632

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By imaginary coelacanth - 20/12/2020 14:02

Weirdo alert

Today, a customer came into the store I work at to ask why I hadn't killed myself yet. A month prior, that same customer told me to kill myself. All I did was compliment her shirt. FML

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1100

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By hadtocleanthemess - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34781

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4179

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By iharethissomuxh - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

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28437

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5180

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By blehhx - United States

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

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37920

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4373

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By OMGraven - United States

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37593

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

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11204

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54711

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By Mushman

Today, I sharted while skiing - wearing a bib outfit and no change of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1624

You deserved it

383

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By Ralph - United States - Candler

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23148

You deserved it

13260

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By LonelyAngel22

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8364

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11938

You deserved it

3615

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By CP19JK12KH - United States

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38833

You deserved it

3992

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By Anonymous

Today, after a year of living with my girlfriend, I came to the conclusion that I'm never going to marry her. I packed my things, wished her well in her life, and loaded everything up into my car. It's been working fine up until this afternoon. Now it won't start. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1715

You deserved it

735

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By Dry

Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4789

You deserved it

406

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By Anonymous - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37015

You deserved it

3963

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By Anonymous

Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3379

You deserved it

173

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Hard to believe

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4152

You deserved it

532

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25949

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27174

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29346

You deserved it

3500

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5979

You deserved it

47836

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30601

You deserved it

2718

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

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58131

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Top comments

By amirn86 | 0

#53493 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:26

At least he didn't object to the party!

By ohhboyy | 0

#53525 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

I love how parents are so straight up to their kids

COMMENTS

By amirn86 | 0

#53493 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:26

At least he didn't object to the party!

Blame_The_Dog | 0

#1047328 - Monday 28 June 2010 19:51

who replied to #1 to be on top? I DID...giggity...

YDI for having no friends, bitch

By XxGivesMEhellxX | 0

#53494 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

You should have thrown a wild kegger and trash the house, just to prove him wrong [:

[first!]

wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1320113 - Monday 30 August 2010 3:35

Haha fail you're second.

abasio | 1

#2855672 - Saturday 9 July 2011 13:54

but he has no friends :(

happy2468 | 21

#3082997 - Thursday 11 August 2011 5:11

OP is a girl

jamesheat11 | 14

#5636231 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 21:35

How do you know? It doesn't say

teentee401 | 36

#5972159 - Wednesday 11 June 2014 15:53

actually it does. Top left corner

By cyberhoy | 3

#53496 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

he's right

By ohhboyy | 0

#53525 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

I love how parents are so straight up to their kids

By karleigh | 0

#53526 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

Wow, people on here have such fucked up parents.
It's great (:

By amirn86 | 0

#53532 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:33

#2 (XxGivesMEhellxX) - sorry dude I beat you to it ;)

By zoecakes | 0

#53546 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:37

#6 is right. a dinner takes like two hours, tops. so obviously what daddy said was correct.

By marz88 | 0

#53552 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:38

Pwned lol throw a huge party and say "Well you never said no..."

By x_LC_x | 0

#53558 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:40

umm... guys... obviously you can't throw a kegger in two hours. That's why he said he JOKINGLY responded.

KMtheDrummer | 6

#4929020 - Thursday 13 September 2012 22:41

Watch me.

By xlimepops | 2

#53564 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:41

Your dad was right. And you obviously don't know much about keggers to begin with because you can't throw one in the time it takes for 2 people to eat dinner. FAIL.

ajp156 | 1

#1004928 - Monday 24 May 2010 5:27

GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP IT WAS A JOKE BUZZKILL

ajp156 | 1

#1004931 - Monday 24 May 2010 5:29

GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP IT WAS A JOKE DUMBSHIT!!!! U DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!