Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
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70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted to try something that would turn me on immediately. While I was in our bed, she came in, wearing only the underwear she took from our 13 year-old daughter's closet. Now she doesn't understand why I'm genuinely disgusted and don't want to have sex with her. FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML
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Top comments
Tedet 0
You dress your hand up in sexy lingerie?
anelard 6
That is a disgusting thing to say to anyone. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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Comments (112)
Tedet 0
You dress your hand up in sexy lingerie?
Syrael 0
hahaha, hilarious xD
OwMyToe 0
Haha!! I'm sorry, that's just hilarious :P
Konrad_fml 0
Oh my god... I hope your testicles didn't explode from the blueness...
BeeSkwaird 0
Seriously! Either this girl is ignorant, or just damn cruel!
plexico 4
She was waiting for your replacement.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
DISNEY'S THE REPLACEMENTS!!! She obviously used her phone and pushed the big F button to get him replaced
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...And I said, "Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story - baby just say..." "Oh! never mind, i don't like you after all. Now you don't have to say yes..."
iizcalebhearmero 0
I Taylor Swift.
Tech_N9ne 0
this is to _YDI....how does he deserve it for being in California? we have the best weed.
mandyreid_ 0
LOL nah
Syrael 0
everyone in America deserve what befalls them, the ones who doesn't moves out ;)
mylyfesux98 3
canada ftw :) we have it all ;)
GGnoRe 0
This is when you praise nymphomaniacs.
FoundManyLemons 0
If she's "still" not attracted to you, why were you even over there? Dump her and move on.
twiggly 0
There's a ton of reasons for WHY she's sexually unattractive. Most reasons are her fault. In fact they all are. You're to blame for keeping her around. It's simple human chemistry.
plexico 4
If she was never sexually attracted to you, she was never really your "girlfriend." She was trying you out as potential boyfriend material. You failed the audition. Next!