Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
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Top comments
happy_ness 0
haha. apparently you don't need alcohol.
Locket_fml 0
#7 If you are driving, then don't drink. Obviously. However the OP was being self-righteous ("alcohol makes people stupid and crash their cars"). By all means make the choice not to drink, but when someone offers you a drink, thats all you need to say - "sorry, I don't drink". There is no need to act all high and mighty like you are somehow better for not drinking.
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Comments (96)
madame_malfoy 4
...props...i don't think i've ever known of anyone to mix up their assholisms and stupidisms QUITE as well as you did with that...
spongebobrocks 0
Okay, what the hell is up with most of you people? So what if she backed up her car into another car, she might simply not have enough driving experience, and that could happen even to experienced drivers. I find it awesome that she declined and was smart enough not to drink her face off. #10, I'm sorry but you're an idiot. On one hand, sure, he was being nice, but that doesn't have to do with anything, in my opinion. She didn't lecture him, she just stated what she thought about drinking (I think she has a very healthy opinion on drinking). If he really WAS nice, he'd offer her a non-alcoholic drink after she declined the alcoholic one. I somewhat agree with #8, not entirely, though.
Jimboom 12
@ #7 True, but all she had to say was she was driving so no thanks. By saying what she did she was implying that everyone who was there and drinking is stupid. There is just saying no and then there is being an asshole about it. She falls into the latter category.
Nemoran 0
You did the right thing. If you have to drive, you better not drink... Or you can drink and sleep over with your crush huh? And yeah, alcool make people stupid, that's why they go drive anyway most of the time!
loopy_fml 0
You could've just said no to the drink without a whole reason as to why.
schnitzcopter 0
Women can't drive. It's science.
pltcllyincorrect 0
i like #9 hahha.. but good job on not drinking and driving.
augustsky 0
#8 said it best.
watupyo 0
Haha yeah #9 would have been good. You didn't have to be so self-righteous about it though...saying "no thanks, I'm driving" or "no thanks, I don't drink" would have sufficed. And just so you know, it's possible to have a fun time drinking with friends and not drive...
arms_akimbo 0
You really shouldn't make that kind of generalization about people who drink.