Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
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Top comments
happy_ness 0
haha. apparently you don't need alcohol.
Locket_fml 0
#7 If you are driving, then don't drink. Obviously. However the OP was being self-righteous ("alcohol makes people stupid and crash their cars"). By all means make the choice not to drink, but when someone offers you a drink, thats all you need to say - "sorry, I don't drink". There is no need to act all high and mighty like you are somehow better for not drinking.
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Comments (96)
dwights 0
#2 amen lol i got my comment moderated by saying something like that
Komatose 0
LOL @ #5!!! You so deserved it you bitch! That's why I don't chill with straight-edge people anymore. And your crush prolly thinks you're a bitch too, considering you pretty much called him an idiot. Nobody said drinking makes u smart, but you should respect people's desicions as to what they do with their body, as you obviously want the same. That being said, you're a stupid ****. Peace.
dbla11 0
you suck.. you completely deserve that you self-righteous bitch
papamoon19 0
women driving.................
immortalfalconE 0
pussy
m_ik_e 0
#2 I love you
tincan 0
lol, you could've just said you don't like the taste of alcohol, or you are allergic to it. =P
ohfrick 0
It's fine that you don't drink, pretty cool actually because that stuff is bad for your figure, but... lol, that sucks that you didn't even have any and still messed up your car.
Linz102 0
Its great not to drink knowing you are driving. However only ignorant, brainwashed people would give the reason that it makes people crash their cars as a reason not to drink. Just drink already, you'll see it doesn't take over you and make you crash your car. Hell if only you had been a bit drunk, maybe you would have thought to be more careful. But if you had still failed, good thing you didn't drink because you could have easily gotten a DUI
boots13 0
A simple "no thanks" would have sufficed. There was no need to act holier than thou because that only made you look all the more foolish and idiotic when you hit the car.