Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML
Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML
Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML
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Top comments
bearstyle22 11
You dare live a healthy lifestyle in my town. Thats it, ticket.
Steffi3 40
I hope he didn't give you too much trouble. Keep up the running OP!
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Comments (70)
Johnnycake23 42
That's how "accidents" happen in small towns. It is better to cooperate and be polite.
Johnnycake23 42
As a large man I prefer to get my outdoor exercise done later in the evening when less people are about. I understand the struggle!
JKPwnage 27
Well good for you for trying to be more healthy! Good luck, OP
zethreal 4
"My past" would have been my answer. Also, good for you!
someguyhere 12
OP you have to understand to fat people don't run, this is how they got fat. So when you come along and say your running because your fat and no free food somewhere we thing something is wrong. I personally will take but hat off to a person that is trying to loose weight that needs to but it a rare event.
Johnnycake23 42
That's pretty ****** up of you to say.
awesomeman84 6
cops can be real assholes sometimes. keep up your ruunning and youll be back in shape in no time though
Bethani420 5
ipod/headphones, workout clothing such as sport and of course a good running shoe. Put on your favorite playlist and go! good luck! :)
TigrexTeeth 16
"What are you running from?" "Diabetes."
Johnnycake23 42
+small town cop+ is that some kinda gang thing boy!?
Countryboy1996 18
"Because of the heat". Come on OP. As a formerly overweight man, I know I didn't go at night to avoid the heat.. I went at night to avoid people seeing me.
EmmaKateD 4
Running in heat is probably the best time to exercise because you can have shorter workouts. The more you sweat the more you get out of a workout. Running at night won't do much good.