By Jif_Creamy - 28/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
I agree, your life sucks 21 886
You deserved it 7 154

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Good. That means you got an excellent look at his face for the police report.

I think its about time for a diet. Sorry about your laptop OP


I think its about time for a diet. Sorry about your laptop OP

No, the most important thing now is not a diet, it's sports. One can be overweight and still fit. One can be slim and slow. OP needs to build muscle and stamina. The weight will sort itself out to a healthier level (not necessarily normal weight) with that and some sensible adjustments to their nutritional habit (less soda, sweets and junk food, add in some more veggies and freshly cooked meals).

What 15 said. It was always funny at school to watch the chubby kids completely outrun the lazy and inactive skinny kids because they had no muscle. Exercise trumps dieting because you can have extra body fat and still be healthy, you can't be unable to walk around the block without sitting down and say the same. And no matter how healthy you are, it is good to avoid stuff like soda and heavily processed foods.

mm12344 8

That's not true 15. To gain muscle you need a calorie surplus and to lose fat you need a calorie deficit. If you try to gain muscle while having excess fat then it won't go away. You need to lose the fat first via diet and cardio and then gain muscle afterwords via calorie surplus and sports.

#39, while what you proposed will certainly work, it is hard to do while you have limited time to focus on your weight loss next to a job where you have to function etc. OP's main problem in this situation was that s/he doesn't have the muscle and stamina to move fast. The quickest fix for that is workout, and it doesn't even matter if it is more cardio or weights at this point, because even cardio exercise will build muscle at first so the body can move. Besides, quoted from an article my physician BIL sent me a while ago: " If you take two men of equal weight, but one has a higher ratio of lean body mass to fat mass, he will burn more calories at rest than his chubbier counterpart. In terms of numbers, this works out to about 13 kcals/kg per day for muscle and 5 kcals/kg per day for fat. It is accepted that 80 percent of the difference in energy expenditure is explained by body composition."

mm12344 8

Exercise/cardio will make the muscles incorporate more mitochondria into the cells, not build more mass. That's what makes exercise easier and easier despite a calorie debt. There's a reason people "cut" before bodybuilding.

time for hitting the gym... and the asshole

Good. That means you got an excellent look at his face for the police report.

Invest in some Acme products to help catch the Road Runner.

IAm123 24

I know I shouldn't laugh but that's hilarious. It's like straight out of a bad movie.

Just track the ip adress. You can get it from facebook under the security tab if you dont already know the ip adress.

mm12344 8

The best you'll get out of that is their city without a professional and they would have to actually log into OPs Facebook account.

That will only work if they log into OPs Facebook, and police subpoena the ISP for subscriber information. Better to get laptop with GPS tracking in future when looking at laptops to buy.

Wow, OP, that's bad. That's bad. That's really, really bad. You know? And the whole whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again, that's bad.

Looks like you've been hit by a smooth criminal.

I wish I could up vote this like a million times

#8 hahaha that's gotta be one of the best comments I've read on FML

LevelupKid 8

hahahhahahahahahaha. That is gold!!!

Maybe you should file a police report, also sorry about the laptop!

Way to kick a porker when he's down...(I can say that because I'm also fat)

Does that mean I can be racist because I'm not white?

expertsmilee 26

Kinda defines that whole "white privilege" thing that seems to trending, so apparently yes.