Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had...

By bear92 - 19/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47381

You deserved it

5878

Favorite

Transportation

Work name

You can't win sometimes

Crowded House

By Whywhywhy - 20/8/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4203

You deserved it

356

Favorite

By the bad artist - 10/9/2012 00:12 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was talking to an art critic at an exhibition. He told me that the artist had no talent and went on to tell me everything wrong with each painting. I'd painted them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25238

You deserved it

2589

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28867

You deserved it

5413

Favorite

By gr8 - 28/9/2018 17:30

Today, because I had to leave the country without notice and didn't have reception to notify my college, I have been irreversibly dropped from all my classes without a refund and will have to reapply for January. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2349

You deserved it

495

Favorite

By Guess I'm not getting laid - 3/8/2018 14:30 - United States - Glasgow

Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3468

You deserved it

333

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 06:24 - France

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29755

You deserved it

7655

Favorite

By DWIcop - 3/4/2019 00:00

Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1648

You deserved it

754

Favorite

By shittyhall - 26/6/2017 04:00

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4177

You deserved it

320

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56326

You deserved it

5311

Favorite

By kismet_fire - 4/11/2014 22:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34684

You deserved it

2688

Favorite

By p!$$3D0FF - 15/1/2009 02:02 - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8888

You deserved it

31427

Favorite

By mdp624 - 16/8/2012 12:10 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I was T-boned while going through an intersection. The guy who hit me accused me of not using my turn signal. I was going straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28606

You deserved it

1550

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 00:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38046

You deserved it

2977

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30512

You deserved it

2919

Favorite

By NotGay - 16/6/2012 05:45 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29032

You deserved it

7550

Favorite

By 530gangsta - 25/4/2017 16:00

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3235

You deserved it

387

Favorite

By crosseyed - 10/6/2009 19:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15284

You deserved it

74163

Favorite

By Beeisc00l - 5/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30496

You deserved it

22406

Favorite

By kimbo - 25/10/2010 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28310

You deserved it

2843

Favorite

By assoutofuandme - 14/2/2013 07:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15062

You deserved it

59136

Favorite

By slugitha - 16/3/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19295

You deserved it

1827

Favorite

By p - 28/8/2012 20:38 - Canada - Markham

Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8437

You deserved it

27669

Favorite

By Eggs - 15/11/2013 05:00 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41974

You deserved it

3124

Favorite

By promoted - 20/12/2010 05:29 - Australia

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27543

You deserved it

3081

Favorite

By lonely - 4/4/2011 10:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39548

You deserved it

3529

Favorite

By innuendom - 22/9/2010 06:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a job interview coming up. For the job I'm currently doing and have been for the last nine months. My manager told me not to expect too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24399

You deserved it

2375

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/8/2018 06:00

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2837

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By Clumsy Clumsy - 16/4/2016 16:27 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20371

You deserved it

3172

Favorite

By unicorn - 12/6/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67601

You deserved it

13217

Favorite

By jccwell - 23/9/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26969

You deserved it

2353

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 04:06 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37732

You deserved it

3672

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 05:05 - Thailand

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29418

You deserved it

5468

Favorite

By Oihana - 1/8/2015 03:30 - United States - Greensboro

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29264

You deserved it

1992

Favorite

By Nicks - 3/7/2013 15:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74125

You deserved it

4779

Favorite

By anonymous - 21/2/2011 05:01

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41777

You deserved it

14824

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Spider-man

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

565

You deserved it

1168

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49033

You deserved it

8235

Favorite

By momma6126 - 25/8/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale 2 doors down from me. In her price range. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35422

You deserved it

2446

Favorite

By what have i done with my life - 21/7/2013 17:46 - United States - Akron

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43520

You deserved it

5975

Favorite

By DrugsRX - 17/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29019

You deserved it

3851

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 24788 | 6

#320177 - Friday 19 June 2009 12:08

That is fucking awesome. You got owned twice.

By Aelaena | 6

#320176 - Friday 19 June 2009 12:08

Who does that?

Comments

By Ringmaster1 | 0

#320172 - Friday 19 June 2009 12:07

Ok, you really should have expected them to re-do it the moment you turned your back.

(first)

Zelda210 | 0

#4316834 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 17:32

Nobody gives a shit if you are first

By Aelaena | 6

#320176 - Friday 19 June 2009 12:08

Who does that?

FBIWarning | 0

#321261 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:26

awesome fucking people, that's who.

suj_91 | 0

#321686 - Friday 19 June 2009 22:16

immature fools

failzisawesome | 0

#323588 - Saturday 20 June 2009 14:31

someone with lots off saran wrap

Gumblebum100 | 0

#896291 - Saturday 27 February 2010 5:22

haha yea and I'm guessing not a lot of people like you... good luck with that

Blacksabbath211 | 9

#1040828 - Thursday 24 June 2010 6:01

epic ownage!

petethelovehorn | 19

#6459898 - Thursday 12 November 2015 19:39

My neighbor TPd my car, then put sticky notes all over it a few weeks later.

By 24788 | 6

#320177 - Friday 19 June 2009 12:08

That is fucking awesome. You got owned twice.

24788 | 6

#320200 - Friday 19 June 2009 12:14

#4 saran wrapping someones car means you put saran wrap all over there car. Saran wrap sucks when it's hot out and it doesn't allow you to get into your car.