Health: Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly... - FML

By Stung - 19/06/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 013

You deserved it 6 703

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk the line

Best teeth in the game

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 14:00 - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 056

You deserved it 3 116

By Robyn - 04/10/2011 09:35 - Ireland

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 599

You deserved it 27 933

By ugh - 05/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 639

You deserved it 3 824

By bruised_scrotum - 15/05/2014 17:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 342

You deserved it 4 791

By AbFlab - 01/06/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 738

You deserved it 5 201

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 22:05 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 214

By hatty - 23/09/2011 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 830

You deserved it 6 149

By thanksnicksparks - 11/06/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 10 260

Creep

By oh_mylanta - 02/03/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, I went to work to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so it was very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 337

You deserved it 5 347

By Anonymous - 02/07/2011 21:28 - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 239

You deserved it 18 124

By Awkward - 04/12/2013 22:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 888

You deserved it 14 631

By Anon - 22/04/2013 07:19 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 126 063

By skywayavenue - 19/03/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 179

You deserved it 99 463

By j0j0 - 15/01/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 671

You deserved it 3 816

Money hole

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 17:00

Today, my uncle kept his promise and left me his holiday house in his will. What he didn’t tell me was it’s been unmaintained for 14 years and is unfit for human habitation, has 2 mortgages, and now it and all its issues are now mine. Old, dead bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 309

By LasagnaRawks - 14/10/2009 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 38 306

By Timebaseboy - 21/10/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 838

You deserved it 2 059

By Anonymous - 19/06/2011 01:11 - Canada

Today, I was driving my motorcycle, and I noticed someone was in the ditch, so I went to go help them. When the ambulance showed up, they ran over my bike, totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 736

You deserved it 3 740

Best buds

By anonymous - 23/01/2012 15:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me we've just been fuck buddies for the entire year we've been "together." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't working up the courage to propose to her on our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 889

You deserved it 5 103

By anonymous - 08/06/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 953

You deserved it 8 701

By dmanrique - 04/10/2011 15:10 - United States

Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 390

You deserved it 3 203

Not my turn

By Perry85 - 10/12/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 115

You deserved it 952

By IceQueen - 01/02/2014 00:40 - United States - Clinton

Today, I've been without hot water for three days thanks to a frozen water line. I finally managed to thaw the frozen area, only to have the chunk of ice dislodge, slam into a bend in the pipe, and burst the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 771

You deserved it 6 050

By hobo - 17/05/2015 17:47 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 512

You deserved it 2 192

By elle - 23/05/2011 10:17

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 248

You deserved it 4 129

By christacat - 28/09/2016 10:24 - United States - Delaware

Today, I have a speech impediment that's recently become more noticeable. My entire family has decided that the best way to go about handling it is to mock me whenever I try to say something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 987

You deserved it 921

By byegeorge - 17/08/2012 11:26 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 1 975

By ColdHeat - 16/04/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 226

You deserved it 4 622

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:10 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 483

You deserved it 22 996

Don't worry dad

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 18:00

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 166

You deserved it 470

Desperate man

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 180

By WritesTooWell - 05/09/2013 23:27 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a message from my teacher about my homework. We were supposed to write an original myth explaining a natural event. My teacher bumped my grade for it down to a C for copying a myth that already exists. My myth was based on an original story I've been writing for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 423

You deserved it 3 644

Spook Magook

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 23:38 - Bangladesh

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 256

You deserved it 21 380

By Anonymous - 08/05/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 005

You deserved it 71 955

By ohno - 25/03/2012 13:11 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Spicy

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 589

You deserved it 2 942

Livin' la vida loca

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he can have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer and playing his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 721

By Anonymous - 04/10/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 650

You deserved it 4 219

By tman - 14/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 321

You deserved it 3 294

By sgibson982136 - 03/06/2019 20:00

Today, I spent 30 minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all 5 minutes later because her sister "changed her mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 109

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Top comments

24788 6

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:05

Haha, bees love you. At least it wasn't bears.

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:28

Maybe you shouldn't be using honey as a hair conditioner then so you don't attract the bees like Nicolas Cage does. OH NO NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!

Comments

24788 6

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:05

Haha, bees love you. At least it wasn't bears.

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Friday 19 June 2009 19:09

Lol........ to be sitting outside, and all of a sudden have a bear pounce on your head. ........it's funnier in my mind......

aback 4

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Friday 19 June 2009 19:37

Ow. XD

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 18:42

Or are you making a reference to this? (http://www.ilovebees.com/)

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:40

# 1 and 61 - I thought you both typed "beans." That was hilarious, picturing beans. xP

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Tuesday 3 March 2015 20:58

#1stworldproblems :D

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:05

Ooh, bad luck. Remember not to wear it next time.

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Friday 2 September 2011 19:49

I don't understand the necessity of putting "expensive". I do not think anyone cares.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Thursday 25 September 2014 17:23

#102 If anything they deserve it for spending a lot of money on conditioner. Conditioner is one of those products which cheap or expensive is still just conditioner. OP you gullible consumer

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:08

I probably wouldve shittt myself I'm terrified of bees.... 3rd

nike1 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 13:22

hahah lol (y)

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Friday 19 June 2009 17:12

#3 im with u my sis got stung in the temples by some bees and now im fucking scared shitless wen i see one lol but that sucks OP wat type of conditioner was it? FYL for sure

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 22:47

Ugghh I hate bees but I despise wasps

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:09

Dame that suck atleast I didn't get stung by them ! LOL

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Saturday 15 October 2011 5:15

damn*

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:10

It probably smells like fruit and you wore bright colors or black. Seriously. It happens all the time.

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:14

wow, that sucks!

crazy_cat_lady24 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:19

That happened to me with a very sweet smelling hair spray. Whenever I walked around or rode my bike large amounts of insects would collect in my hair. Once I was riding my bike and when I ran a hand through my hair, a bee that had been hiding there stung my hand.

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Friday 19 June 2009 15:38

Ouch! Sorry to hear that. Did it hurt? O_o

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:20

Could have just been the fact that you were EATING outside MAYBE?? just a thought

crazy_cat_lady24 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:23

Nah, some hair products really do that. Especially the ones with sweet fruit-like smells.

beautifulskies 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 22:20

I agree, i highly doubt it was the conditioner, why did you come to that conclusion anyway? does it SAY that on the bottle? You were probably eating a honey sandwich on honey oat bread and drinking honey flavored pop

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Friday 19 June 2009 23:57

I was thinking along the same lines - how can you be sure it was the conditioner?

crapthisismylife 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 3:57

Then the bees would probably have gone to the food. If she thinks they are attracted to the conditioner they probably flocked to her hair.

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:28

Maybe you shouldn't be using honey as a hair conditioner then so you don't attract the bees like Nicolas Cage does. OH NO NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!

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Friday 19 June 2009 13:18

LOL! XD

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 20 June 2009 4:41

LOLOLOLLL #10

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Saturday 20 June 2009 11:22

HAH! #10 LAWL.

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Friday 19 June 2009 12:44

there is a morning talk show in Detroit called "mojo in the morning" and they do phone scams and one if them was just like that except it had to do with a salon

qetzacoatl122112 0

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Monday 6 July 2009 8:06

So obviously she was copying that, I mean there is no other logical explanation.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 37

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 200