Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
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Top comments
paid2think 0
Well does it?
chocofudges 3
haha. that is really funny. how is this an FML?
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Comments (188)
dangerdale 0
you better give good head or that's not gonna last long
skylinewhispers 0
well that's just hilarious
SpaceMannn 0
I hope right after he asked you farted and said no he can't:D
sankagirl36 0
I think it does!!
DocBastard 40
Sounds like you bonded over bodily gaseous emanations. You can totally build a relationship based on that.
jewbies 0
that's awesome not a FML
jose1760 1
you said yes right?
Master_Of_Sand 0
YDI. Girls shouldn't burp. That's disgusting.
1121osu2110 0
your an idiot. girls have the same body functions as a man and we do fart aswell as burping. get over it... that's prob why your single bc your pig.
Phustercluck 11
you're 'a man' should be men as well you're Please don't feed the trolls.
Schizomaniac 24
There were a lot more mistakes than you pointed out. If you're going to be a Grammar Nazi, do it correctly.
Schizomaniac 24
77, there were a lot more mistakes than you pointed out. If you're going to be a Grammar Nazi, do it correctly.
1121osu2110 0
why the hell are u worried about the way I txt. I graduated top of my class and I know proper grammer but I chose not to use it. kept too your self jackass!
Cinn_fml 23
It's easier to understand what you're talking about when you talk properly, and it makes you seem more intelligent. It's also less irritating to some people.
FarSide 23
You chose to not use proper grammar? Good decision. This way makes you appear so much more intelligent and credible.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Wait. What? You graduated at the top of your class, but you can't spell 'grammar'? Your grammar, actually, is atrocious.
Phustercluck 11
99 I would never describe myself as a grammar nazi, I was simply poking fun because in her post she chose to someone an idiot. If you're such a grammar nazi-nazi, please, feel free to point out absolutely everything wrong with her post. Then you can continue to berate me on my failings.
Phustercluck 11
*sigh* *call someone an idiot*
irishyankee868 5
plus then the intelligible men can weed you out of the herd to make sure you're not accidentally seen as a catch
bglad09 0
yeah only if you let me qweef .
perdix 31
For your exceptionally disgusting display, you should have said, "Yes, and you could even Dutch Oven me." Fair's fair.
WorkThatButt 2
Your not funny, I hate you.
Cinn_fml 23
*You're
_HeadShot_ 0
104 ure not funny either. perdix is pretty much the top 1 commentor on this whole site for being funny. cinn is number 1 also as the most intelligent