Miscellaneous: Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said... - FML

By lovelife - 27/09/2010 13:09 - United States

Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 876

You deserved it 3 761

Age difference

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Grind mindset

By Username - 08/07/2011 20:02 - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 138

You deserved it 3 601

Febreze time of the month

By Lunar-Spice - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, like every month, I'm able to tell when my period is going to come, down to the exact day. It becomes increasingly smelly, even before I've started, to the point where everyone around me can barely stand it. I can't do anything to get rid of the stench before it's actually started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 94

By lonely - 01/08/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 692

You deserved it 4 037

No sex for you

By oops - 03/07/2021 13:59

Spicy

Today, I gave my mom a shirt as a birthday present. Apparently, she already had the exact same shirt, so asked me for the receipt so she could return it and get a different one. When she read the receipt, she grounded me. I forgot I bought a box of condoms when I bought the shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 837

By Em - 15/10/2009 06:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 246

You deserved it 3 609

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 18:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 055

You deserved it 5 451

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 11:22 - United States - Hills

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 180

You deserved it 13 149

By Anaconda - 07/03/2017 14:00

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "just meat and cheese". When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 397

You deserved it 1 880

By WearingOff - 03/08/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 655

You deserved it 26 990

By Noname - 28/02/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 406

You deserved it 19 280

By Anonymous - 14/02/2019 14:52 - United States - Hartford

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 3 356

By rachlette - 17/04/2015 21:47 - United States - Seattle

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 2 789

By unfriendlyskies - 02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 2 093

By rook - 09/01/2012 09:08 - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 537

You deserved it 2 616

By Username - 12/05/2011 06:17

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 493

You deserved it 3 029

By Jasmine_smilee - 02/09/2013 06:47 - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 8 891

It's called growing old

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 11:01

Today, I woke up with the nastiest, most brutal hangover ever. I haven't had alcohol in 10 years and I only eat healthy, yet my body craps itself out because… reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 112

Keeping it in the family

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 15:01 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my dad tried to hook me up with someone. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 68

By Fredgruff - 09/01/2010 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 6 796

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - 09/06/2013 23:33 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 416

You deserved it 9 110

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 318

You deserved it 25 885

Inference

By Canuckboy - 24/06/2021 07:59 - Canada

Spicy

Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 348

By DontGive2Fox - 05/03/2019 04:00

Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 1 608

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 586

You deserved it 3 698

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 455

You deserved it 21 884

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 22:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 687

You deserved it 27 278

By eamiller - 23/12/2014 20:41 - United States - Franklin

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 695

You deserved it 3 784

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 287

You deserved it 3 041

By elovan - 25/07/2015 08:33 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 906

You deserved it 21 044

You tried…

By shart up, your puns suck - 01/06/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 650

You deserved it 5 537

By wherermypants - 02/08/2012 05:10 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 419

You deserved it 28 277

By Rusty - 12/12/2015 00:49 - United States

Today, I did slightly below average on my programming project. Aside from it being unnecessarily difficult, I also couldn't focus on it due to problems at home. After I confided in my colleague about it, I heard him mutter, "I knew women are crappy programmers". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 096

You deserved it 2 745

By ohno - 14/09/2010 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend of 3 years out to where we had our first date. I proposed to her. She breaks down in tears as she tells me she's been sleeping with her co-worker for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 3 205

By nh-Amazon - 27/04/2014 23:01 - United States - Plano

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 251

You deserved it 7 282

Dingdong

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me. Thinking it would be the nice thing to do, I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 551

You deserved it 65 040

By pain in my gums - 27/02/2017 11:30 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 904

You deserved it 367

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 17:24

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 779

You deserved it 2 344

By Starving Student - 17/05/2012 03:42 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 070

You deserved it 28 834

By thwack - 24/05/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 030

You deserved it 3 970

By e11ie - 27/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 844

You deserved it 3 086

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:43

this is what i thnk happened... OP was just walkin around and some guy in a vending machine outfit robbed him and told to enjoy life. =D my comment went bie bie sorry 4 dup

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:43

That's coca cola to you,

Comments

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:37

you suck at life that's what happened

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:56

2- Congrats. Would you like a trophy?

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:56

Machine = 1. OP = 0.

xXgUeSsWhAtXx 9

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Monday 27 September 2010 21:01

hahaha i love irony=D

lm27 5

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Monday 27 September 2010 23:06

owned by a vending machine

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 3:04

i lol'd at this fml

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:43

That's coca cola to you,

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:44

You were robbed by a vending machine or at a vending machine? What the hell is in a vending machine that could cost $5?

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:51

op was probly stubborn/stupid and kept trying to buy stuff

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:32

because it didn't work the first OR the second time it, it HAS to work a 3rd, 4th, and 5th time right? /sarcasm

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Monday 27 September 2010 21:24

Some vending machines accept larger bills without charging more per soda. Just sayin'.

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 0:49

It was probably one of those crack vending machines. It is the "real thing", after all.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 15:59

it was a crack vending machine

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:53

Why would you put a 5 dollar bill in a machine? If it's a standard vending machine then YDI for not using singles.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:27

#6 Maybe OP didn't have any dollar bills with them at the moment. It's happened to me before...

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:06

There are Coca-Cola machines in the US that charge between $3-$4 for a bottle. Usually at sporting venues and tourist spots. As outrageous as it sounds, it's not quite unheard of.

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:09

they can charge whatever they want, they know that people want to and will buy it no matter what.

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:16

$5 at a vending machine? that better be a damn good cookie or it's your fault for paying so much to a life-enjoyment machine.

MasterOfTheXP 2

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:32

NOOO YOU GOT ROBBED FIVE BUCKS YOUR LIFE IS RUINED

DONTrockMYroll 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 1:23

i know right

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Thursday 30 September 2010 3:39

I swear to god if ur that kid on YouTube with imego video delete. It was just sooo shitty. RECAP: watch me put these on! YOUR JUST JEALOUS YOUR JUST JEALOUS YOUR JUST JEALOUS YOUR JUST JEALOUS fuck it was annoying. If ur not this person pls disregard kthx

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:43

this is what i thnk happened... OP was just walkin around and some guy in a vending machine outfit robbed him and told to enjoy life. =D my comment went bie bie sorry 4 dup

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 2:36

This. wins.

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:46

ahahahHahahHHahHHAhahahahahahaha yuo got owned

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:53

All you have to do is call a 1-800 number on the machine and they will reimburse you your money, though I'm not sure all machines have that available. Well best of luck with your 5 bucks :}

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 816

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 1 051