What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2022 21:30

Today, my therapist mentioned we should look into the possibility of me being autistic. When telling my boyfriend what she'd said, he replied, “I don’t think you’re autistic, just damaged.” FML
I agree, your life sucks 989
You deserved it 138

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

That shouldn't be so hard to determine. Are you good at painting or drawing?

Unfortunately, growing up neurodivergent (and especially not knowing it) can directly cause damage to a person, and it sucks. That said you know who also sucks? Your boyfriend. Bugger that.

Comments

That shouldn't be so hard to determine. Are you good at painting or drawing?

Unfortunately, growing up neurodivergent (and especially not knowing it) can directly cause damage to a person, and it sucks. That said you know who also sucks? Your boyfriend. Bugger that.

Leave the psychological examination to the licensed therapists… In my personal observation, real people have a variety of characteristics to their nature. I think it’s rare when one single trait is entirely dominant. But that being said, it doesn’t hurt for a qualified therapist or psychologist to try to figure out your issues so they can do what they can to help you deal with the deck of cards you were dealt as well as possible… I assume you realize that ultimately the therapist will be guiding you towards dealing with whatever issues you have yourself. They can identify the issues that you let them see or tell them about. And they can help you to find more productive ways to cope with what life throws you way, but ultimately you will be in charge of your own life - Which a good thing.

I'm an autistic woman too! (I'm assuming female because you have the little female symbol, but a lot of this is applicable in men too). It's a lot different for women than men. Women are naturally better at "masking", or hiding the autistic tendencies to better blend into society. If you've made it this far without being diagnosed, then clearly you're not at a severity that requires help. Which is awesome, because it means it really won't disrupt your life at all, just give you a better understanding of you. So, when we're born, we have millions of neural connections to help us process the world. As we get older, those pathways are supposed to be pruned off until we have I think about half of what we're born with. In autistic people, that process didn't complete, and our brains are firing off more than other peoples' all the time. This results in autistic people becoming more easily overstimulated (for me it's loud noises, I'm almost 30 and I still cover my ears if something startles me), becoming very masterful and hyperfiaxated on one or a small handful of topics (art forms, a video game, dinosaurs, etc), and falling into routines that are difficult or nigh-impossible to break (eating the same meal every day, needing things arranged a certain way, resulting in high anxiety if the routines are disrupted). It also makes it difficult to read faces and interpret minute social cues. Autism in women is often misdiagnosed as anxiety/social disorders and OCD because the autistic tendencies mirror some of those symptoms. It's also possible that you simply don't think in the same way as other people in a way that is often suspected by the patient. For instance, my brain thinks in colors and sensations, and everything I say or type is the closest approximation to the "vibe" I'm getting. Also, the tell-tale "flap" of flailing the hands or arms when excited. 1/2

There's no real cure or medication for autism but you can control your tendencies if you want to once you're aware of them. I used to be insanely annoying and have been checking myself for years to the point where no one can tell anymore. But just the knowing has been insanely helpful to understanding myself and expressing my feelings. Embracing terms like "I'm getting overstimulated" and explaining "This feels purple, which I think means..." once I got more comfortable with the idea of being autistic at all has been incredible. My hope is that your boyfriend is caught up in the stigma that still surrounds autism, that autistic people can't be "normal" and are prone to outbursts, and said that in hopes you aren't, and is otherwise a good partner. It was a hurtful thing to say, but hopefully just came out wrong. If you do end up being autistic though and he can't wrap his head around that and keeps being an ass, might want to lose him. It's not a part of you that you can deny or put in a box under the bed, and if he can't handle that, you deserve someone who can. My PMs are open if you want to talk about this more :) I'd be happy to explain more about what it's like. 2/2

He didn't necessarily mean anything negative or mean by that comment. You ARE damaged, or you wouldn't be in therapy. Most of us are in some way. I've dealt with more than my fair share of trauma. I'm very damaged and I know it. You can't heal what you don't admit to. I think maybe he meant it in the spirit of supporting you, even if it was badly worded

I don't see the problem. 1) He's probably right 2) Better to have an unideal childhood than a incurable brain abnormality.