Love: Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my...

By JessBaby - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

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Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

Mother of the year

Never flip flop and drive

By Kerlane - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

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By NextTimeMom'sDriving - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

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By Anonymous

This is going well

Today, my husband is so bored with speaking to me, he literally walked outside when I was mid-sentence during a conversation about how I need more attention in our relationship. We've only been married 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

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By pleasedie - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

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By David - United Kingdom - Leicester

Annie's Song

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

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By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

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By baebookboo - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

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By kissrocks4 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

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By loserman - United States - Frisco

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

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By Anonymous

Nature is so wonderful!

Today, I was backpacking, and I was in a tent. It had rained all day and finally, I was dry. I settled down in my slightly damp sleeping bag. I woke up halfway through the night with a frog on my face and my feet in freezing cold water. Our tent had drifted into a frog pond. FML

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By boohoo - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

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By rydawg79 - United States

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

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By Alana - Australia

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

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By mzgabbster - United States

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

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By a_boring_snuffkin - 16/5/2020 02:00

Honestly?

Today, my friend needed to talk out bad feelings. Then she urged me to open up as well. I hate doing it, but it only seemed fair, so I confessed my deep insecurities. Not only did she agree with everything, but she also helpfully added that I'm boring, have no life and all my dreams are unattainable. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Hedging your bets

Today, I realized I've been avoiding a doctor's visit for issues, because it might be less painful to go out that way than to see how much more a crapshoot 2021 would be. FML

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By OhaiiKid - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

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By taintedlover - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

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By MickyIsEVIL - Japan - Nagoya

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

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By shittysongs - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

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By disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

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By RecentCollegeGrad

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

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By ameremanapparently - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

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By Frostbitten - United States - Freeport

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

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By ShutTheFuCupcake - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

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By SHIT-BREATH - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

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By IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

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By RachelDC - United States

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gladewater

Bad boy

Today, after weeks of looking for the source of an awful smell in our house, I found out our dog has been climbing over our loft banister, into the attic, and shitting. There were over twenty mounds. It took me almost four hours to clean up, and it still stinks. FML

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By Disappointed Mom - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

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By ccc - United States

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

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By Allie - United States

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

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Top comments

By Zigster94 | 0

#169590 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:07

you're better off without him.
if he cares more about his bed than your tears, he isn't the right guy

By jorygirly | 0

#169601 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

what an ignorant selfish ingrate boyfriend.
I've heard of guys having no feelings but this is out of control.
Dump him

COMMENTS

By Zigster94 | 0

#169590 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:07

you're better off without him.
if he cares more about his bed than your tears, he isn't the right guy

hellzrydaz | 0

#915848 - Friday 5 March 2010 4:18

YDI

1. fo having a grandmother
2. for being a fuckin baby

Kgirl2cute | 6

#963967 - Friday 19 March 2010 7:26

242, you're an idiot. in order to be born, you MUST have a grandmother.

ryguy997 | 0

#974246 - Monday 5 April 2010 5:46

242, like 243 said, you couldn't have been born without having one. so you hate your grandma? and if someone in your family died, wouldn't you cry? if not then you are a cold hearted insensitive bas*ard.

todo350 | 0

#1054975 - Friday 2 July 2010 19:27

ry and kg, surrigate, IBF. good game.

mayumm | 0

#1155437 - Thursday 29 July 2010 6:15

242, must not have much of a life. One of her family members just passed away and shes a "fuckin baby" about it?? And its not like you dont have a grandma either dumbass. Its like me saying YDI for having hands. Grow up junior.

UsernameUnknown | 7

#2905477 - Saturday 16 July 2011 11:30

What does YDI stand for!!!!!!!

hobbsicle805 | 0

#3039547 - Thursday 4 August 2011 20:58

you deserved it?..

By xobeachbabe | 0

#169599 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

ditch his sorry ass!

By Mushaboom_fml | 0

#169600 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

Aww. Sorry about your grandma. ='(
Maybe he isn't right for you...

By jorygirly | 0

#169601 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

what an ignorant selfish ingrate boyfriend.
I've heard of guys having no feelings but this is out of control.
Dump him

By brydeec | 0

#169605 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:10

What an asshole of a boyfriend. Fuck him. (I don't mean that literally.)

By mcsnelly | 5

#169606 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:10

Who would say that? SERIOUSLY?? dump the douche!

By althemaster | 16

#169609 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:11

That sounds so terrible... Why do girls stay with guys like that?

By dothehelenkeller | 0

#169614 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:12

He's a dickweed.
Dump his ass and find someone who cares about your feelings.

By SoFreakinNaive | 0

#169616 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:12

damn, what a dick!

ryguy997 | 0

#974248 - Monday 5 April 2010 5:48

that's what she said! lol. but sorry about your grandma, OP. Hope you find a better boyfriend! this sentence is an attempt to bypass the anti flood shield.

By Bobhope124 | 0

#169618 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:13

YDI
Tits or GTFO