Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my...

By JessBaby - 4/5/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

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Love

Social distancing gone wrong

Breaking Badly

Fuck the patriarchy

By Pants-Girl - 24/11/2019 08:00 - Canada

Public surprise

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

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By ChloeisaDoll - 21/7/2019 06:01

Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML

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By deargodthepain - 2/2/2014 16:53 - United States

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

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By Chops - 9/3/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

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By Nurse - 31/8/2018 15:00

Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML

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By SMRT - 22/10/2019 06:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Geography for Dummies

Today, I had an argument with my dad about Venice being in Italy, not Spain. He wouldn't believe me, and had to Google it. He's an engineer for an aerospace company. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 19:28 - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

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By wearingshorts - 28/8/2010 04:54 - United States

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2016 16:55 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

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By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

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By OH COME ON - 29/12/2011 15:48 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

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By humanalarmclock - 21/5/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

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By blackcarnation - 22/12/2013 21:56 - United States - South Windsor

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

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By jayc80 - 20/5/2011 17:59 - Bermuda

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

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By Kidsthesedays - 9/11/2015 19:33 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

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By offuckingcourse - 6/8/2013 05:07 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

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By aisbash - 1/9/2013 19:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

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By Ew - 26/5/2016 13:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

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By NotHappyJan - 3/12/2018 03:00

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

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By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/7/2020 14:01

Kitchen Nightmares

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 20:01

Twinned

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

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By scarredforlife - 16/8/2012 04:05 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

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By flipnazn - 15/7/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

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By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2020 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Good smell

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2018 20:30

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

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By drop dead single - 22/11/2014 13:44 - United States

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

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By Laurendorcus - 14/3/2010 23:13 - France

Today, I called out "personal" from work because I had to study for a major test that is taking place tomorrow. An hour later my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously", then I got an email that the test is being postponed. FML

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By Remember the parking brake - 6/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

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By Nikki - 20/11/2019 05:00

My package

Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML

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By Immafail - 20/12/2016 18:32

Today, my mother decided to "help me" by throwing out the stack of papers on my desk. Unfortunately, those were all my notes for my final exams. FML

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By Anonanon - 12/7/2011 17:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave me the 'let's just be friends' speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

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By - 27/1/2017 04:00

Today, someone sent a dick pic to my 16-year-old, lesbian daughter. She handed me her phone and asked, "What is that, a naked mole rat?" FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2015 01:28 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2020 05:01

Technologically challenged

Today, my aged mother continued to complain about her computer issues to me. A relative, who is good at tech support, won't bother servicing her computer because whatever she does ends up bogging it down the next day, so I have to hear about it on the phone. FML

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By Not Engaged - 6/3/2015 23:30 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, my long-term boyfriend said that if we ever finally get married, his ex-girlfriend will definitely have to be a bridesmaid. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2016 20:42 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

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By Chan - 26/9/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2015 17:47 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

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By racello13 - 2/11/2015 15:26 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

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Top comments

By Zigster94 | 0

#169590 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:07

you're better off without him.
if he cares more about his bed than your tears, he isn't the right guy

By jorygirly | 0

#169601 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

what an ignorant selfish ingrate boyfriend.
I've heard of guys having no feelings but this is out of control.
Dump him

COMMENTS

By Zigster94 | 0

#169590 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:07

you're better off without him.
if he cares more about his bed than your tears, he isn't the right guy

hellzrydaz | 0

#915848 - Friday 5 March 2010 4:18

YDI

1. fo having a grandmother
2. for being a fuckin baby

Kgirl2cute | 6

#963967 - Friday 19 March 2010 7:26

242, you're an idiot. in order to be born, you MUST have a grandmother.

ryguy997 | 0

#974246 - Monday 5 April 2010 5:46

242, like 243 said, you couldn't have been born without having one. so you hate your grandma? and if someone in your family died, wouldn't you cry? if not then you are a cold hearted insensitive bas*ard.

todo350 | 0

#1054975 - Friday 2 July 2010 19:27

ry and kg, surrigate, IBF. good game.

mayumm | 0

#1155437 - Thursday 29 July 2010 6:15

242, must not have much of a life. One of her family members just passed away and shes a "fuckin baby" about it?? And its not like you dont have a grandma either dumbass. Its like me saying YDI for having hands. Grow up junior.

UsernameUnknown | 7

#2905477 - Saturday 16 July 2011 11:30

What does YDI stand for!!!!!!!

hobbsicle805 | 0

#3039547 - Thursday 4 August 2011 20:58

you deserved it?..

By xobeachbabe | 0

#169599 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

ditch his sorry ass!

By Mushaboom_fml | 0

#169600 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

Aww. Sorry about your grandma. ='(
Maybe he isn't right for you...

By jorygirly | 0

#169601 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

what an ignorant selfish ingrate boyfriend.
I've heard of guys having no feelings but this is out of control.
Dump him

By brydeec | 0

#169605 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:10

What an asshole of a boyfriend. Fuck him. (I don't mean that literally.)

By mcsnelly | 5

#169606 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:10

Who would say that? SERIOUSLY?? dump the douche!

By althemaster | 16

#169609 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:11

That sounds so terrible... Why do girls stay with guys like that?

By dothehelenkeller | 0

#169614 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:12

He's a dickweed.
Dump his ass and find someone who cares about your feelings.

By SoFreakinNaive | 0

#169616 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:12

damn, what a dick!

ryguy997 | 0

#974248 - Monday 5 April 2010 5:48

that's what she said! lol. but sorry about your grandma, OP. Hope you find a better boyfriend! this sentence is an attempt to bypass the anti flood shield.

By Bobhope124 | 0

#169618 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:13

YDI
Tits or GTFO