Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML
Today, my alarm clock consisted of my children stomping on my manhood while dumping Froot Loops on my head. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
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Top comments
MrThump 16
That's like don't bite the hand the feeds you........ Don't destroy the balls that created you.
GrinchFu1 27
I have a three year old little boy who either farts in my face or peels my eyelid open and pokes me in the eye. More often than not it's a poke in the eye. He thinks it's hilarious... It's a shitty way to wake up, but it is pretty ****** hilarious. Never a dull day with little kids around.
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Comments (45)
llamingo 8
Yeah ice is way less painful
nolan__101 15
Well he wasn't wrong
DEATHLORD_fml 16
Do the world a favor and kill a bitch
peachykeen93 17
Maybe you should ask him why he is hitting you? Kids can be difficult sometimes, But you should try to create a household that discourages hitting. IMO
hank0311 10
Perfect, all he need was the cat by the tail and a jug of milk open with half of it on the floor cause "he wanted to do it". Enjoy it while it lasts bro they grow up fast
Kramer1998 20
I hope you punished him adequately, i.e. Burning him
d_i_a_l_a 10
Cherish that child. It may be the last one you have... Sorry OP