Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML
Today, my alarm clock consisted of my children stomping on my manhood while dumping Froot Loops on my head. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
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Top comments
MrThump 16
That's like don't bite the hand the feeds you........ Don't destroy the balls that created you.
GrinchFu1 27
I have a three year old little boy who either farts in my face or peels my eyelid open and pokes me in the eye. More often than not it's a poke in the eye. He thinks it's hilarious... It's a shitty way to wake up, but it is pretty ****** hilarious. Never a dull day with little kids around.
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Comments (45)
karcummings 19
children.. can be a pain in the butt or a bundle of joy. in this case your kid is a pain in the balls.
jsan727 17
Kids can be real ball busters, eh?
muarif 19
Do the same to him tomorrow morning :3
MRSwick2525 23
I don't think kicking a 5yr old in the nuts is the best thing to do dude.
muarif 19
Learning the hard way always sticks xD
slimguy101 15
Just make sure he don't do it again.
laden_swallow09 35
Well, aren't you just a fount of knowledge?
worldclassrager 41
Now the bad news is you will not have anymore kids...the good news is you don't have to worry about getting a vasectomy if you were planning on one in the future
Goblin182 27
Well, he was right, wasn't he?
extremereviews 26
Get him back
TheNewGuy03 29
You are fifty shades of ****** up
Hunkapoo 19
im sure OP would rather that than have his balls mercilessly squeezed
Vlen_fml 20
look i don't care what you new age parenting wimps say, if i had done that, i'd have belt marks across my bare ass, and i may not approve of the belt, but a a few good open handed swats are definitely called for.
qsxsqsxs 19
it's a 5 year old kid, they clearly didn't understand what they were doing...
Vlen_fml 20
"clearly"? clearly you were coddled as a child. every kid in my family knows better than to hit people, especially in the groin, by the time they're three. I'm sick and tired of these modern parents who don't raise their kids. light but firm discipline, simple etiquette, basic mathematics, and basic reading are instilled in every member of my family by the time we go off to kindergarten. it sickens me how many people just plop their kids down in front of a tv these days or leave them at some crapass daycare until they can put them in school and make it their problem.
cutiegroove 10
...Or, you could talk to your child, tell them that that is not okay to hit people (especially in such sensitive areas), that he will have to be punished if it happens again, and keep your hands to yourself.
bandgeekgirl0125 7
I guess he doest want a little sibling