Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Wait until she wants the room all to herself . . . mwah-hah-hah! Whatever you do, don't lend her your knife.
DocBastard 40
She needs to switch to decaf. Or just change her from zombie movies to Sesame Street.
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Comments (98)
hateevryone 15
Lmao its kinda hilarious but disturbing at the same time.
oinkmoosquid 5
Oh, all children seem like little demons at a young age. Right now, my five year old nephew spends time everyday telling me he's going to kill the baby growing inside of me.
NicaLovesDisney 17
That's probably not a good thing.
tgabes 9
She sounds fun,
Darren22 12
the devil is alive !!
TheLittleBear 19
Subject matter aside, she sounds incredibly verbose for a 3 year old. All the better for the child therapy really.
middlenamefrank 8
Honestly, I find that concerning. Take a good, close look at her schedule...is she left alone with any adult consistently? Someone could, very possibly, be abusing her.
smilingxbleeding 9
Or she just being kid. I used to do that all the time. Including kidnapp, abuse, etc. I'm fine and I learned its ok to play with toys but never a real person.
Zintrix 6
Sleep with one eye open.
EgyptianPride98 8
I know the feeling, OP, I really do. I share a room with my little sister and last year, she made an entire PowerPoint titled "How to Manipulate Your Siblings"...
angelofsaturn 23
My 2 year old likes to grab water guns, point them at people and say "prepare to die". I have no idea where she got that from.
ScottyFoxx 10
Call a priest