Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Same thing different taste
Stunlocked
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Mistaken identity
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Hello?
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Messy
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Dude, chill out
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Many moving parts
Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML
Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML
Smooth criminal
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
Top comments
RhymePrime 7
Not a very good friend, Lol
superstephen4 5
don't trust strange people on your couch.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (186)
YDIforbeingu 0
YDI for not being able to defend your self
mister_moops 0
that is the most epic robbery i have ever heard of.
Ruskom 0
Smack him back, Dont let him rob you RIGHT infront of you!
fmh123 0
This has got to be the craziest fml or the most elaborate
CheshireHalli 19
Don't call somebody dumb if you can't spell. Pot? It's kettle.
lizzikur93 0
soooooo are we supposed to actually BELIEVE this story, or something?
dspadres 0
incoherent* and you wrote "you" instead of "your". I didn't feel like checking for other things beyond the first paragraph. Next time you decide to criticize someone else on their spelling and grammar I'd make sure it's perfect because now you just look like a dick and a hypocrite.
dspadres 0
glitchead 0
I DARE SOMEONE TO CORRECT HYPOCRITE! I know its coming so I am anticipating for the future, its actually spelled hypocrite.
elims1 0
#69 FTW, along with #93 :)
NothingToGein 0
Oh, the reply button like this? Thanks, I didn't know it existed. So, because I spell incoherent as "incoherrent" must mean "I'm the real idiot" right? I place an extra letter in a word, which for all you know might have been a typo, and not bad spelling in the first place, and you jump on my ass, but number 31 "Tipe lyk dis LOL" and you defend that stupid asshole? Make some sense, you can still leave "a lighthearted comment" and not sound like a dumbass. My point about my comment on 31 is this: she's calling people stupid, but she misspells almost every other word she types. And you're calling me an idiot cause I tapped the R button one too many times, good job. Detective ******** at his finest. When was the last time you make a spelling mistake? I'll assume never, since you're being completely anal about this. But if you're such hot shit, why are you commenting on FML's instead of writing your next best-selling book? Dumbass.
onlyme722 2
From the sound of it you were yourself trying to correct what someone else had written. If you are going to take it upon yourself to correct someone else, you better damn well hope everything you say is perfection. Otherwise it's an open invitation. That's just the way it works when people try to get the upper hand on each other by pointing out spelling mistakes and the like.
onlyme722 2
Who the hells sits down next to an intruder in their home like they're at a tea party and is actually surprised when something unfortunate happens???
NothingToGein 0
I pointed out the fact that someone who called the OP stupid (even though she is) was typing like a complete idiot. If you can't form at least one logical sentence in your own language, maybe you shouldn't be the one calling anyone stupid. My one typo didn't detract from what I was trying to say. A little ironic that I had a spelling mistake when I called someone else out for it, but that's nothing compared to the sheer magnitude of this other dumbass's incoherency. I didn't nitpick her over one letter or anything stupid like that; then I would deserve to get yelled at if I had a typo, I made a blanket statement that she's a dipshit if she misspells almost every other word she types. Having a one-letter typo doesn't make me a dumbass or a hypocrite, it happens to everyone. What don't you idiots understand about this?
doggie3 0
Just a word of advice to you: don't go sit on cpuches with strange men. It's just not a good idea.
lizzikur93 0
#31...wow, seems like you're the one that's dumb. my autistic 4 year old cousin could've written a better comment than that.
glitchead 0
That's ....., HORRIBLE! I know you weren't making fun of him..... right? But it was a horrible thing to put still.
Zakky_Ketchup 0
That's why whenever there's someone I don't recognize in the house, I punch them in the face first. It's more of a conversation starter than you would think.
anonacs 0
You deserve it, why the hell did you sit next to him? Idiot