Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML
Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
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Top comments
RhymePrime 7
Not a very good friend, Lol
superstephen4 5
don't trust strange people on your couch.
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Comments (186)
Myspace_fml 0
Fake.
TahvoUrpo 1
YDI For having nothing better to do than make up FMLS.
ohdoctor 0
FAKE FAKE FAKE OBVIOUS FAKE
israelnotjacob 20
I usually don't just assume an FML is fake cause even though it seems like it many of these odd scenarios could happen, but there's about a one in a thousand chance this is not 100% made up. FAKE!
joy1523 0
i really, really want this to be true.
TheKitsune 0
Aaaaand another reason guns are awesome. :)
rockmyworld 0
I wouldn't bet on it.. agreed, epic robbery and you must have been high to fall for this if it's true.. guitarguy +some numbers...you scare me
capital_seven 0
I want to say that his claim of being OP's mom's friend is a fib, and that he just walked in to be a bad-ass thief, but then it wouldn't make sense for him to be sitting down... But if he IS a "friend," then why would he steal from his friend's *checks OP's gender* son? Either way...HOLES.
mattias_fml 0
#166 is a retard.
iammelissa 0
funny
Shadzow 0
the theif was obviously improvising