Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML
Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
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Top comments
RhymePrime 7
Not a very good friend, Lol
superstephen4 5
don't trust strange people on your couch.
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Comments (186)
Herborist 0
Sounds made up...
sugar_meliss 0
Mmhmm... Cause you'd figure something like this would make the news.
aaaaa12345_fml 0
lol thats super funny if its real
Sp1tfire 0
You're stupid enough to sit down next to him? W-T-F?
DRY0YRD 0
@#77 - Obviously this has never happened to you. Very similar occurences have happened to me multiple times, and I've never been punched/robbed. @#79 - It's not gonna make world news. Robberies happen all the time.
ccr69 0
Really, multiple times you walk through your house and there are random people just sitting on your furniture. Assuming from his (?) post that he lives alone, and likewise, so do you, have you never considered locking your door? Assuming you have family/roommates would make it different, but if you live alone and this keeps happening to you, wtf, lock your door sometime! That is, unless, you want strange men touching your "Danger Zone"!
ccr69 0
Really, multiple times you walk through your house and there are random people just sitting on your furniture. Assuming from his (?) post that he lives alone, and likewise, so do you, have you never considered locking your door? Assuming you have family/roommates would make it different, but if you live alone and this keeps happening to you, wtf, lock your door sometime! That is, unless, you want strange men touching your "Danger Zone"!
wrestling49 0
u need to get a gun
dELiA14 0
Holy shit this is like my worst nightmare... Im so freaked that someone would b in my home when I got there... Yikes!
IllegalLight 0
great idea. I have got to try this sometime.
Donthavekids 0
Only fml today to really make me laugh :D I'm now hoping he comes back, only next time he will be completely nude except for a Hulk Mask, and you can post about that one.
cheezeits 0
This is why stranger-danger lectures exist. D: