Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML
Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
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Top comments
RhymePrime 7
Not a very good friend, Lol
superstephen4 5
don't trust strange people on your couch.
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Comments (186)
bookworm124 0
I'm not sure whether or not to call this fake. If it's true, that sucks.
TheElfThatLied 0
... What kind of stupid FML is this?
Linzzification 0
When I read, "He told me to come join him..." on the couch, it thought it was going to go R-rated
DameGreyWulf 1
Wait wait wait wait... wait... It was YOUR house, YOUR couch... I assume your mother does not live there, then? So why would you accept that answer!? Also, agreed 21 lol
NaziZombie 0
Hmmm
abbymybowl 0
im with 22. does your mother live with you or somethingg?
FML_Add1cT 0
not a prefered way a burgler would steal shit but it worked lol
RhymePrime 7
He wasn't a burglar he was his mom's very very impolite friend.
Vaetrus 0
How did you not conclude a random burglary? Cell phone, wallet, car keys. So your parents have friends who just punch you and steal your stuff? BS. @ 21, same.
TimmyM 0
this is ridiculous. You saw some guy in your house you dont recall inviting, and willingly sat down with a man you never met before, just assuming it was your mums friend? What kind of **** are you? Going to sit with a guy you've never seen before? You must have had something else on your mind, otherwise why would you do so?
robbietherabbit 0
welcome to the future #27. I'm assuming that a.) you're from the Victorian era and b.) you think the OP was a girl. This is the only way you could consider sitting on a couch with a stranger to be scandalous behavior.
TimmyM 0
No but I'm hardly a person who would get up in the morning, find a strange man in the house, sit down next to him, eat my cereal and ask him how its going. I'd be more inclined who the **** it is and why he is in my ******* house!
Linzzification 0
The OP obviously is a male. How else would the robber get the wallet, cell, and keys in one swoop? Unless this person walks around with her purse in her home...
Juli_fml 0
so no one in your house keeps doors locked?
tWitt3rBuG 0
I feel guilty but i can't stop laughing! This sounds so monty python