Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I was playfully walking back to my car with my girlfriend. My door was unlocked. I then noticed my car had stuff scattered inside. A bum had just robbed and ransacked my car. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML
Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
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Top comments
RhymePrime 7
Not a very good friend, Lol
superstephen4 5
don't trust strange people on your couch.
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Comments (186)
Nolanor 0
Not only do I want to call absolute bullshit on this one, but I'd also like to say that I think his mother is a prostitute. That's the only situation I can think of where this guy would be even semi-ok with seeing a man he doesn't recognize sitting on his couch. And then sitting down next to him... stupid ****. Absolute parenting and common sense fail if you ask me. I'd like to rant more about stupidity, but I'm just calling fakesies.
deliapearl 0
gosh. ur momma got some gangsta friends
abylaunch 10
Nolanor: Why would you assume his mom is a prostitute for having a new friend over? what is so weird about that? why would your atomatic reaction to seeing someone new who says they are a friend of your parent be, " oh they must be trying to rob me, my mom isn't allowed to make new friends" ?
jdannyl 0
lol you got owned
Samurai_Man 0
How did this fake shit get through moderation?
kukopia 0
At least he didn't get your house key and your car. Whewww.
thedrumsthedrums 0
that robber is good
godyourethick 0
Whether or not this is true, it makes me laugh.
ISeeStarsBitchh 0
Holy shit. No...Just...Holy shit. (O_O;)
ironmadion55 0
fake... otherwise you'd have time to take him down..