Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML
Today, I bent down to pick up my dog’s mangled tennis ball at the park. At the exact same moment, someone’s Great Dane ran full speed into me from behind, knocking me face-first into the mud. My dog then ran off with another family. FML
Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML
Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a cute dog. I reached down to pet it, but it snarled then bit me. As I was walking away, I saw the owner of the dog, who was laughing and filming the whole thing on his shitty cellphone. I hope the video isn't out there on TikTok or whatever. FML
Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
The good news is that in a few months, you'll have a litter of baby-puppies.
DocBastard 40
Was this great Dane Beowulf or Hamlet?
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Comments (214)
varkey 7
sue the dog's owner if this caused you actual harm, and dump your girlfriend FYL
20Lindz07 0
Any possibility of sharing those pics?
FAYUL12345100 3
Sue the owner, dump your GF.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Be a man!!
Alderman55 0
spit out your stride gum....or we'll find you
sueannpalma 7
lmfao I'd video tape that
Gantar180 5
Those damn great danes! This is like the second time in the past week or two I have seen a post involving great danes humping people...
summerkop 7
Atta boy marmaduke!
karishmo 2
lol I love that line "savaged and brutally humped into submission"
JetRyan 0
hilarious. lmao. :)