Kids and Health: Goldmining - FML

Goldmining

By Anonymous - 22/09/2021 08:00

Today, about a minute after telling my son not to pick his nose, he caught me picking mine. This has led to a cascade of, "Why should I follow dad's rules when even dad doesn’t follow dad rules?" He now questions everything I tell him, and is breaking every rule in the book to make his point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 510

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Same thing different taste

By Viciousvixen_21 - 02/04/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 671

You deserved it 12 246

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 09:59

Today, my son is apparently old enough for his dad to teach him the “Don’t tell mommy” game, such as, "Don’t tell mommy you had extra dessert", or "Don’t tell mommy it was daddy who accidentally broke the window with daddy’s secret new air rifle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 181

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01

Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 1 004

Private freakouts

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 23:02

Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 2 626

By mandy_2480 - 19/02/2012 02:08 - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 227

You deserved it 4 942

That would be correct

By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 00:02

Today, my dad is infuriating by increasingly asking me to do things around the house, but because he doesn’t like how I do them he yells at me and then does it himself. It’s almost like he cares more about inventing excuses to yell at me than he does to actually get things done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 160

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 137

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 372

By jessi - 02/12/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 153

You deserved it 6 675

Hellooooo, Social Services?

By whatisthisshit - 17/03/2017 00:00

Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 472

You deserved it 735

Next

Top comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Wednesday 22 September 2021 9:17

why would you tell him not to pick his nose? teach them to do it discretely but ffs why would you tell him not to pick it at all.

cuz803 44

Wednesday 22 September 2021 19:18

Classic hypocrisy. Apologize, compromise and let him pick his nose whenever he pleases.

Comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Wednesday 22 September 2021 9:17

why would you tell him not to pick his nose? teach them to do it discretely but ffs why would you tell him not to pick it at all.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 22 September 2021 14:28

This is a great time to show him the hypocrisy and double-standards that exist in the world. "Do as I say, not as I do." Learn it. Love It.

cuz803 44

Wednesday 22 September 2021 19:18

Classic hypocrisy. Apologize, compromise and let him pick his nose whenever he pleases.

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The Top

Today, while I was at my aunt's house with family, my grandpa needed to use the bathroom, so I guided him to it. There's a short staircase leading to it, and to my horror, he tumbled down it. I forgot he's going blind due to glaucoma and therefore couldn't see the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 445

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 134

You deserved it 4 975

The Top

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 61 461

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 635

You deserved it 4 420

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 696

You deserved it 5 465

Today, I chipped my front tooth on a hazelnut. Yesterday, my car broke down because the mechanic did a shit job, and oil leaked all through the engine. I'm waiting in fear of whatever expensive thing is going to happen tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 100

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 313

You deserved it 3 971

Today, at 19 years-old, I found out that kiwi birds aren’t actually extinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 278