Kids and Health: Goldmining - FML

Goldmining

By Anonymous - 22/09/2021 08:00

Today, about a minute after telling my son not to pick his nose, he caught me picking mine. This has led to a cascade of, "Why should I follow dad's rules when even dad doesn’t follow dad rules?" He now questions everything I tell him, and is breaking every rule in the book to make his point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 462

Kids Health

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Same thing different taste

By Viciousvixen_21 - 02/04/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 660

You deserved it 12 243

Genius

By ohno - 13/07/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied, "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 7 089

By grossedout - 29/08/2013 16:26 - United States - Endicott

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 125

You deserved it 3 708

Learning curve

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 059

You deserved it 483

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 09:59

Today, my son is apparently old enough for his dad to teach him the “Don’t tell mommy” game, such as, "Don’t tell mommy you had extra dessert", or "Don’t tell mommy it was daddy who accidentally broke the window with daddy’s secret new air rifle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 164

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 175

By unattractive - 18/12/2010 09:32 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 519

You deserved it 6 352

By mandy_2480 - 19/02/2012 02:08 - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 216

You deserved it 4 936

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 055

You deserved it 368

By notsoproudfather - 01/02/2016 15:54 - India - Pune

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 004

You deserved it 2 302

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Top comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Wednesday 22 September 2021 9:17

why would you tell him not to pick his nose? teach them to do it discretely but ffs why would you tell him not to pick it at all.

cuz803 44

Wednesday 22 September 2021 19:18

Classic hypocrisy. Apologize, compromise and let him pick his nose whenever he pleases.

Comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Wednesday 22 September 2021 9:17

why would you tell him not to pick his nose? teach them to do it discretely but ffs why would you tell him not to pick it at all.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 22 September 2021 14:28

This is a great time to show him the hypocrisy and double-standards that exist in the world. "Do as I say, not as I do." Learn it. Love It.

cuz803 44

Wednesday 22 September 2021 19:18

Classic hypocrisy. Apologize, compromise and let him pick his nose whenever he pleases.

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The Top

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 445

You deserved it 4 846

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 672

You deserved it 3 918

The Top

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 296

You deserved it 12 202

Today, my best friend told me that she is only my friend because she is prettier than me and being my friend boost her confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 049

You deserved it 3 316

Today, I was walking down the stairs holding a glass of water, when I tripped. I don't know what hurts more, that I'm still picking glass out of my hand or that my mum is still ranting about the water I'd spilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 795

You deserved it 2 743

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 614

Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 321

You deserved it 10 678

Today, I found out that my partner of 2 years has been lying to me and cheating on me from the beginning of our relationship. The worst part is I don’t know how to confront him because I found out by going through his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 1 116