Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML
Today, I was riding down a hill on my bike, doing a wheelie, when I lost control and started heading towards a woman on the sidewalk. Don't worry, I didn't hit her, the man beside her lunged and shoved my bike so hard that I hit concrete and broke three teeth. He then screamed, "Watch it, punk!" and walked off. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML
Today, as I was jogging on the boardwalk, an old guy tripped me with his cane. As I was getting back up, I heard him say to his wife, "I wanted to see if she would actually fall." FML
Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
I hope your comeback was, "Watch your kid, dipshit!" That is unless you were facing her and saw it coming. Then, you might've been better off moving.
nike1 0
What a sick father :S I hope you're OK.
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Comments (151)
nazooer 11
That kids going to be a hooker
McLaughlane 0
your response should have been: "keep a better leash on your spawn, asshole."
Crickets 0
HAHAHA
ArthursLifeSucks 2
Just another reason I am in favor of mass sterilization. Think of all the benefits of population control: plenty of food for everyone so nobody starves, reduced carbon emissions so global warming is controlled, less crowding in cities, and fewer retarded kids riding their bikes into your ballsack. It's win-win.
chocogatto12 3
I like the way you think
gvschmidt94 0
I agree 100% but think about it, that's kind of what Hitler wanted. Lmao. Except I think he took a litttttttttle bit of a more direct approach. XD
mattmag 0
I would advocate not only mass sterilization, but mass extermination. Just extend the death penalty so that all criminals are executed, no matter what the offense. Littering = death. Shoplifting = death. Running a red light = death. And so forth.
ohhhhshizzz 0
sarcasm ccyto.
notnormal 0
that sounds vaguely reminiscent of Cat's Cradle...probably a little extreme, but you're on the right track.
suhjinko2 0
I AGREE and if that little girl killed herself, she'd probably be given a posthumous Darwin award. :)
Existantia 0
I know plenty of smart people who know shit about parenting. This better be a damn good quiz hahaha.
oogyboogy 6
Are you kidding that is scary it's called. Communism you don't want that...
maggy_fml 0
maybe a tax on people who have kids that have a combined IQ score under certain level. anyone under that combined shouldn't have kids. so an idiot should look for a genius xD, so atleast one parent would raise the child smart. maybe in dreamland
Tubasaurus 0
Yet another reason I hate little fucktard brat children and their fucktard parents.
ria_rawrs 7
That's happened to me before. I was walking and this kid on a tricycle ran into me from behind, tripping me up, and his mum decided to shout at me instead. Assuming she hit you from behind, FYL. And I hope your ankle is okay.
BILMAN 0
ride a car into him and poo on his kids head!
RDMC20 0
YES! beautifully said
DankJemo 0
That is exactly why women shouldn't drive... She was probably texting.
redbluegreen 41
What the hell are you talking about?
Jeffo314 0
Win
thatismahogany 0
A woman can be just as good as a man to drive, shut up.
muffinsareyummy 1
ydi for not getting out of the way.
shnibz101 0
Screen at he has no right to just run up to you and call you a duece bag because you are my duece bag
null_fml 11
......................................wha?
xFenix81x 0
I would have gotten up and punched him in the mouth, broken ankle or not.