Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML
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Top comments
Blue33_fml 0
YDI for trying too hard
nautical 0
Smoooooooooooth
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Comments (99)
lostmymind16 0
ok maybe i live under a rock or something but what movies are there that have women trying to be sexy and flirty with a fork? besides ****. lol
0neiros 14
Trust me, he didn't think you were sexy, he thought you were desperate and a bit frightening.
wRen24 0
If you were eating jalapenos you were already doomed.
starvingxartist 0
uh. biting a fork is sexy?
mike_i_am 0
what movies have sensual fork biting action? is there like a genre of utensil **** we're all missing out on? "PORK n FORK" "WANNA FORK!?" "WE PUT THE POON IN SPOON" "FORKSOMES!" "LET'S FORK AND SPOON ALL KNIFE BABY"
123egghead 0
this isn't an fml how the hell is it, how is your life ****** because of this?
myexsucks 0
LOLOLOL!!!! at #47!!!! OP: Stop trying so hard...seriously.
_pk_ 0
You should stop watching so much TV and thinking all that crap actually works. Seriously. YDI 'cause it's just too pathetic
24788 7
lol, I'd probably not stop laughing if I saw someone do that.
kelbel22 0
hahahahaha #13, wow thats awesome ive always thought the whole spoon dangling on the nose trick is what did it for me...