Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

Lava lamp

Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML

Hair-raising

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

Sweet home…

Today, my coworkers won't believe I'm from Alabama. Apparently, "You're too smart and not racist enough… plus you have all your teeth, and you're not dating your cousin." Fuck these people. FML