Geek: Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the...

By Farterella

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

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11672

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Geek

Messed up

Sorry…

QAnon weirdoes

By Laviolette - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12177

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39731

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By bad date - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30255

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3705

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By "Shadley Chase Teladia" - South Africa - Johannesburg

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2735

You deserved it

1884

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By Sarah - United States

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28569

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17194

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Stranded

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

I agree, your life sucks

768

You deserved it

109

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By Anonymous

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2666

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323

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By Ethan_18 - United States

Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30895

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2485

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By me - United States

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9298

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22057

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By ShiddyDiddy

Today, my girlfriend's obsession with her bird reached a new level when she wrote him a song specifically for after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1466

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176

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2021 16:59

Autobodyshaming

Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

608

You deserved it

411

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By let ‘Er rip

The Sweet Smell of Success

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

533

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By janae

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2848

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1666

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By lyss - United States - Pottsville

Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21312

You deserved it

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By Oops - United States - Anchorage

Today, while celebrating my birthday, my friends hired a few escorts to make the party more interesting. This was a really bad way to learn that my sister is a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10559

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894

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By theawfulpresent - United States - Germantown

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

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34330

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3426

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29810

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4116

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By Anonymous - Canada

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38403

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3619

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By gbhlaughingstock - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

127940

You deserved it

9715

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By musicyman55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

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36560

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3037

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By SailorVenus93

Be reasonable, people

Today, at work, I was told at the beginning of my shift that we would be enforcing a 4-item limit on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, etc. Not even 20 minutes later, I had 2 customers bitch me out. This is going to be a long shift, if not year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1996

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117

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By that girl - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

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55134

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By jcooh0lla - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

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53603

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By Anonymous - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

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34997

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By Dang - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in class with a water bottle on my desk. I was on my phone not paying attention, when some girl knocked it over by accident. I went to grab it, even though it was in the corner of my eye. I caught the bottle of water but I also happened to grab her ass at the same time. FML

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6334

You deserved it

1155

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By frogdog563

Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML

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1720

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327

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By hannieannie - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

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25259

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex wife. FML

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27290

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6183

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

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22172

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1278

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By Andrew - United States

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

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50230

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By IceCreamCraver - United States

Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33555

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8392

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By SGreene

Today, a storm dropped a tree across my road. I would have moved it with my tractor, but there was a tree on that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5517

You deserved it

328

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By Anonymous - United States - Chester

Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40839

You deserved it

9703

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By aasatt22 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

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64763

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By bit_fluff - 20/10/2020 02:01

Splashed out

Today, I decided to redye my hair. And the sink, and the wall, and the toilet seat, and the tub. FML

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454

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789

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By SM - United States

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30731

You deserved it

2030

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By bluemonday - Canada

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47356

You deserved it

7392

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By LondonTor - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Christmas is dangerous

Today, I was moving my sofa to make space for the Christmas tree and the sofa slipped on the wooden floor, thus flipping my right big toenail up 90° so it is now only connected at the cuticle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3230

You deserved it

227

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By skeletor - United States

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

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66869

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By decenthumanbeing

Today, I entered a restaurant just to use the WiFi. In order not to look cheap, I ordered a meal and a beverage. The WiFi didn't work and now I don't have enough money to buy dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6921

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 17:01

Nutritious

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

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1142

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256

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#6708892 - Thursday 3 November 2016 9:33

Did you get a trophy for that?

MFP! Most flatulent player, woot-woot!!!

By fastman19 | 20

#6708929 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:42

Look on the bright side, atleast it was only a fart. There could have been liquids or solids instead of just gas.

COMMENTS

By manuelg1095 | 14

#6708891 - Thursday 3 November 2016 9:33

"Don't fart, don't fart, don't fart" - your mind.

By RichardPencil | 30

#6708892 - Thursday 3 November 2016 9:33

Did you get a trophy for that?

MFP! Most flatulent player, woot-woot!!!

childproofpizza | 19

#6708930 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:42

toot toot!

Rintarok5 | 29

#6709099 - Thursday 3 November 2016 23:02

More like poot-poot!

By coldcouncil | 5

#6708896 - Thursday 3 November 2016 10:05

We've all been there

By fastman19 | 20

#6708929 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:42

Look on the bright side, atleast it was only a fart. There could have been liquids or solids instead of just gas.

By Savagephy | 17

#6708934 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:45

Hey everybody body isn't
built the same some people are naturally strong some aren't if your not into lifting dont lift

By species4872 | 19

#6708977 - Thursday 3 November 2016 14:16

Perhaps she was trying to infuse the weights with hot air to make it lighter.

By gmanbuilder | 11

#6708984 - Thursday 3 November 2016 14:46

lmao gurl you gotta work out

By ttuOuts | 4

#6709009 - Thursday 3 November 2016 16:45

Nooooo. Im so sorry

By Zebediabolical | 39

#6709088 - Thursday 3 November 2016 22:11

...this is how lifelong nicknames get started.

By WillMM76 | 12

#6709138 - Friday 4 November 2016 2:29

Lmao! That's awesome!!!