Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the...

By Farterella - 2/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11644

You deserved it

1523

Favorite

Geek

Out of it

Creepy

Great speech, thanks!

By nicky - 31/3/2011 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18080

You deserved it

29231

Favorite

By ribx - 17/11/2016 11:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

11648

You deserved it

1383

Favorite

By Mightytall - 5/10/2019 20:00

It's always when your hands are full that your nose starts to itch

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1207

You deserved it

214

Favorite

By Crud - 6/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31835

You deserved it

2863

Favorite

By anonymous - 11/6/2010 04:56 - Canada

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

I agree, your life sucks

58910

You deserved it

22834

Favorite

By obviously not the favorite - 5/7/2017 18:37

Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5515

You deserved it

319

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/4/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32229

You deserved it

2896

Favorite

By oouchh - 24/7/2011 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51327

You deserved it

18718

Favorite

By Hannah - 21/12/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38909

You deserved it

7878

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 07:32 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28111

You deserved it

8585

Favorite

By shouldveknown - 27/1/2011 20:15 - Canada

Today, I found out that the money my boyfriend has "secretly" been putting away for the last two months is not for an engagement ring like I'd thought, but for a trip to Vegas I'm not invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29219

You deserved it

7609

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/9/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3221

You deserved it

779

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36063

You deserved it

6577

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33927

You deserved it

3754

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35626

You deserved it

4215

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/8/2016 17:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13566

You deserved it

1517

Favorite

By Jakesssss - 10/4/2015 01:02 - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29192

You deserved it

10757

Favorite

By Ulysse - 7/11/2008 15:33 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30178

You deserved it

14318

Favorite

By ashamed - 20/1/2016 19:00 - Germany

Today, I realized how much of a nutter my mother really is as she decided to write on a high visibility vest a "warning" that all foreigners, especially refugees, want to rape German women. She now wants to wear it each and every day in our hometown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19123

You deserved it

1670

Favorite

By heatherfeather22 - 31/7/2014 03:28 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38139

You deserved it

11157

Favorite

By skyinthesky - 11/2/2017 07:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I bought a desk for my new apartment. After ignoring the warnings on the box saying it should not be carried alone, I made it all the way to my apartment with the desk. I walked in the door and dropped it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3848

You deserved it

6153

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/8/2013 07:21 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38731

You deserved it

21147

Favorite

By soawkward - 26/1/2012 19:09 - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32903

You deserved it

5122

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 17:20 - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

I agree, your life sucks

35669

You deserved it

4345

Favorite

By woundedexwife - 16/1/2010 01:22 - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40803

You deserved it

2817

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 02:00 - United States - Bisbee

Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1533

You deserved it

405

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/6/2012 13:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26675

You deserved it

7756

Favorite

By stupid!!! - 2/9/2020 19:58

Light bulb moment

Today, my lamp wouldn’t turn on. I spent a good 10 minutes looking for a replacement bulb before I thought to check if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks

489

You deserved it

977

Favorite

By anon - 3/12/2013 04:26 - United States - Elkhart

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47166

You deserved it

17494

Favorite

By ashleeylynn - 15/3/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28067

You deserved it

3925

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79471

You deserved it

6397

Favorite

By moosemay - 2/4/2013 15:04 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37509

You deserved it

4366

Favorite

By who knows - 5/2/2020 14:00 - United States - Mankato

Tell me the reason

Today, someone took my phone away. Why? Because I was texting my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

534

You deserved it

3174

Favorite

By FuturePolice - 23/1/2012 09:56 - United States

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." And then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38410

You deserved it

3481

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/3/2015 14:24 - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36663

You deserved it

4817

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/3/2013 18:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40095

You deserved it

5406

Favorite

By tessykins - 22/10/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37799

You deserved it

3224

Favorite

By Stinkycar - 5/6/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3542

You deserved it

502

Favorite

By Loved - 25/5/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2473

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By inheritance - 5/5/2015 14:44 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38789

You deserved it

3384

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#6708892 - Thursday 3 November 2016 9:33

Did you get a trophy for that?

MFP! Most flatulent player, woot-woot!!!

By fastman19 | 20

#6708929 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:42

Look on the bright side, atleast it was only a fart. There could have been liquids or solids instead of just gas.

COMMENTS

By manuelg1095 | 14

#6708891 - Thursday 3 November 2016 9:33

"Don't fart, don't fart, don't fart" - your mind.

By RichardPencil | 28

#6708892 - Thursday 3 November 2016 9:33

Did you get a trophy for that?

MFP! Most flatulent player, woot-woot!!!

childproofpizza | 19

#6708930 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:42

toot toot!

Rintarok5 | 29

#6709099 - Thursday 3 November 2016 23:02

More like poot-poot!

By coldcouncil | 5

#6708896 - Thursday 3 November 2016 10:05

We've all been there

By fastman19 | 20

#6708929 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:42

Look on the bright side, atleast it was only a fart. There could have been liquids or solids instead of just gas.

By Savagephy | 17

#6708934 - Thursday 3 November 2016 11:45

Hey everybody body isn't
built the same some people are naturally strong some aren't if your not into lifting dont lift

By species4872 | 19

#6708977 - Thursday 3 November 2016 14:16

Perhaps she was trying to infuse the weights with hot air to make it lighter.

By gmanbuilder | 11

#6708984 - Thursday 3 November 2016 14:46

lmao gurl you gotta work out

By ttuOuts | 4

#6709009 - Thursday 3 November 2016 16:45

Nooooo. Im so sorry

By Zebediabolical | 37

#6709088 - Thursday 3 November 2016 22:11

...this is how lifelong nicknames get started.

By WillMM76 | 12

#6709138 - Friday 4 November 2016 2:29

Lmao! That's awesome!!!