Love: Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 5 571

Vulture

Late term

Triage

By ConfusedGinger - 10/11/2016 11:50 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 817

You deserved it 2 233

By killmenow - 10/09/2012 17:52 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 77 278

Work sucks, I know

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 14:01 - United States - Keene

Today, I had to go hands-on at work while choking on mace with a man who was mentally disturbed, and it could have been avoided if my supervisor had been less concerned with asserting dominance and instead let the guy come to grips with his situation. Great use of my college degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 68

Overreaction

By sadie - 01/04/2021 23:00

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 53

By NoseInPain - 20/08/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 398

You deserved it 3 969

By Noname - 14/02/2012 23:14 - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 010

You deserved it 2 583

Long list

By Unfortunate - 02/06/2021 16:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after two years of dating. So far this year, I sprained my wrist, my dog died, my best friend of 6 years ended our friendship, I was diagnosed with PMDD, my cat died, I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and I got turned down for every job I applied for. Only 7 more months to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 98

A sand castle

By Roasted Marshmallows - 07/11/2019 03:30

Today, I took a DNA test and it turns out that the person who I thought was my dad is not my actual dad and my real dad is his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 130

By AV - 30/01/2016 10:30 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 045

You deserved it 5 973

A case of Keemstar beard?

By Declan - 04/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 200

Classic narcissist

By Vanessa - 28/04/2021 13:59

Today, my mother-in-law had a bitch fit because I had a miscarriage and my husband and I are having a difficult time. It’s her birthday and she said I should, “stop being an attention-hogging drama queen” and that, “shit happens, get over it” She doesn’t see what's wrong with her statements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 107

By Fuperman - 02/06/2013 23:14 - France - Illange

Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 612

You deserved it 6 709

By Insanity - 09/04/2015 05:28 - France - La Poste

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 084

You deserved it 7 726

By Anonymous - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 891

You deserved it 11 379

By EverettA - 11/09/2015 13:50 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 043

You deserved it 2 979

By Help - 13/08/2011 23:21 - United States

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 097

You deserved it 2 896

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 991

You deserved it 2 445

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 840

You deserved it 280

The cake was not a lie.

By Alex Knight - 07/11/2017 19:00

Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 4 040

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 11:53 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 003

You deserved it 4 178

By yourebeautiful - 31/12/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 032

You deserved it 2 805

By biotch - 06/06/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 624

You deserved it 6 381

By nicbear - 15/06/2017 04:00

Today, I was fired from my job over a coupon a coworker offered me for bonus reward points. Apparently, it wasn't one I was entitled to. I never even looked at the coupon and assumed it was fine since they offered it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 090

You deserved it 478

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 064

You deserved it 3 824

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 09:28 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 986

You deserved it 2 508

By littl3storm - 13/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 160

By eewww - 06/05/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 3 688

By Dante178 - 08/12/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 668

You deserved it 3 770

By story of my life. - 21/02/2009 14:33 - Switzerland

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 142

You deserved it 34 337

By solitaire - 20/07/2013 08:14 - United States - Enumclaw

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 109

You deserved it 8 206

By sincerely - 03/06/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally called me after a week of barely any communication. He wanted to talk to my brother about Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 598

You deserved it 5 588

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 00:55 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 270

You deserved it 6 174

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 04:49 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 772

You deserved it 3 936

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 655

You deserved it 5 580

By embarrassedinretail - 20/01/2010 10:01 - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 813

You deserved it 4 887

By NC - 11/02/2010 07:32 - Malaysia

Today, I spilled some milk on my laptop. I was pretty sure it would be fine as it was only a bit of milk. While cleaning the residue, I knocked a whole bucket of water into the insides of the laptop. RIP Macbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 245

You deserved it 34 802

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 097

You deserved it 10 978

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 866

You deserved it 7 006

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 03:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, a while after finishing and uploading a task, I looked at my peers' work to make sure I hadn't missed anything in mine. One of them had gotten the same idea and had decided to incorporate part of my work into his. "Part" as in "all". "All" as in all of his work is also all of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 358

You deserved it 2 506

Indebted without work

By Anonymous - 03/11/2019 20:30

Today, my husband has to quit his job. 5 months ago, we paid a deposit on a section for our brand new house and the title and mortgage need to be finalized next week. His work is forcing him out because he wanted to do his job safely and to a high standard of workmanship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 177

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Top comments

Yaggi 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 18:56

what an awesome way of saying 'Hello, I think you're hot" :)

aback 4

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:26

Tell him you were honking at him.

Comments

Yaggi 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 18:56

what an awesome way of saying 'Hello, I think you're hot" :)

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:03

I'm sure that was the best feeling fart ever!

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Friday 10 December 2010 20:27

It is. You just say "My farts just couldn't wait to meet you"

mamamiaaa_fml 12

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Friday 10 December 2010 20:34

that's actually a great ice breaker especially if you don't have a joke or anything. I got the farts app just for this purpose. give it a try before you doubt it's power.

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Friday 10 December 2010 21:41

Huh. I never thought that random gas bubbles leaving my body would be a good way to find true love. I guess I'm just old fashioned that way. Then again, maybe someone will create a new "fart online dating" site for people like me who may need help understanding how near-toxic gases can attract suitable women.

unfortunate_13 5

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Friday 10 December 2010 23:27

honey, we all know guys that attend yoga classes are gay. (nothing against gays though) so you didn't lose a thing!

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Saturday 11 December 2010 6:04

wow 47, thanks to your knowledge of the digestive tract it's ok that you ripped ass in front of me.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 6:05

47 you epically fail for posting a comment so stupid that it need not be posted ever again.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 14:41

#43 no they aren't. so don't make stupid assumptions ever again. #52 just shut up. that was actually a pretty intelligent answer.

jess6blondie9 2

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Saturday 1 January 2011 12:47

thanks for sharing that.... it was halarious..?

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Wednesday 16 November 2011 21:22

I'm not gay, and I do yoga. :p

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Friday 10 December 2010 18:58

As far as FML goes, everyone farts in yoga class... don't worry it was your nerves... no wait.. your butt.

scotty2hottie48 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:54

^fail

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Friday 10 December 2010 21:49

fail^^

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Saturday 11 December 2010 6:50

you 21 and 41 both fail for having anime pictures.

shortystar_fml 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 9:34

agreed

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Friday 10 December 2010 18:59

guys like girls who fart. just means we can fart around you too.

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Friday 10 December 2010 20:29

Ohh man i have been with my girlfriend for 2 years & not once have i heard her fart... :(

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Saturday 11 December 2010 5:44

op is a dude. girls don't fart.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:42

no ops a girl.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 14:43

#50 girls fart all the time. some times worse that guys. and ops a girl. pay attention.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 18:37

50 was sayen that theres no way OPs a girl, because girls dont fart...i think. =D

Rowdey 10

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Monday 28 May 2012 4:07

Or poop.

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:00

I hear everyone farts in yoga. no big deal

omfgTACOsYeSs 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:01

ranch dressing?

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:02

You fart when youre nervous?? lol ydi

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:04

A lot of people do.

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:04

Awwww.....that stinks.

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:17

I see what you did there.

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Saturday 11 December 2010 7:19

not bad at all

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:09

wait... girls can fart?!

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Friday 10 December 2010 20:22

LOL

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Friday 10 December 2010 21:44

Don't be silly, girls don't fart; they "grace the air with their own natural scent"

stronghand0331 17

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Saturday 11 December 2010 0:26

That's called a queef.

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:09

I hope you weren't bent over in front of him. oh well, maybe the 2nd or 3rd impression will be better.

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Friday 10 December 2010 22:36

I'm I the only one hoping she was bent over in front of him. *que porn music*

grandpaearthling 2

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Friday 10 December 2010 19:16

breathe in fart out, breathe in fart out. alright now let's go to dog farts sitting upright

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Saturday 11 December 2010 8:54

ahahaha!! that's funny!!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 131

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 45