Animals: Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous...

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 394

You deserved it 1 581

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Same thing different taste

By Miffy - 04/09/2018 23:00 - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 664

You deserved it 871

By Noname - 13/03/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 278

You deserved it 5 337

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 177

You deserved it 2 048

By Sarah - 25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 615

You deserved it 10 408

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 773

You deserved it 298

By Nikse - 29/07/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 353

You deserved it 52 026

By ashleyramsay - 23/10/2009 19:13 - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 691

You deserved it 11 801

By lindsey789 - 07/10/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 790

You deserved it 3 032

Eye bleach

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 12:00

Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 414

By FishFlingingMonkey - 22/08/2015 03:55 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 299

You deserved it 8 115

Tripartita 44

Friday 2 December 2016 7:17

Idea for brilliant invention: a line of sex toys that look like household electronics. If they're ever found (or chewed up and presented), the viewer will just think it's a standard electric razor, toothbrush, or bulky old cellphone.

MetalxSoldier 26

Friday 2 December 2016 8:54

Talk about killing your vibe

Comments

whatshuman43 8

Friday 2 December 2016 13:30

At least your dog knows how to fetch what you want

CamBamShamDaMan 26

Friday 2 December 2016 13:36

OhPuhleeze 23

Friday 2 December 2016 15:28

1) You were practicing safe sex. You cannot get pregnant or catch any STD with the vibrator. So nothing to be ashamed of really. You are a young person with urges and no one should understand it better than your mother. 2) If I were your parent I would be SO thankful that it's not a used condom. 3) Let your mother say something first. It just might be hers. Or you could claim the dog got it from the neighbours.

mermaiden 4

Friday 2 December 2016 17:59

If it was a used condom, that's a pretty good indicator of safe sex

Joshawott 21

Friday 2 December 2016 22:59

Not if it's in a place blocking the fire escape.

OhPuhleeze 23

Saturday 3 December 2016 4:06

A used condom would indicate a sexual partner, which could also mean unprotected sex. A sex toy says I don't have any partners so I play with myself. Not many teenagers have both sex toys and sexual partners. Its only later when you've been disappointed that you go look for both.