Transportation: Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running...

By joyness - 20/12/2012 14:49 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 156

You deserved it 24 663

Transportation

You tried

Own it

Overreach

Phantom pooper

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 378

Sorry for what?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 21:30

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted an open relationship. When I asked if it was because I wasn’t good enough to fulfill his needs, he got mad at me and now expects an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 134

By Jordan - 30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 274

You deserved it 37 351

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 03:55 - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 656

You deserved it 9 788

By Trimacle - 24/08/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 509

You deserved it 15 790

The client is always right

By Falcka - 12/04/2021 04:59

Today, I was waitressing at the diner and a guy ordered two eggs, one scrambled and one poached. He hurled his plate at me angrily because they "scrambled the egg he wanted poached and poached the egg he wanted scrambled." He stormed out without paying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 60

By novacabudsforme - 15/08/2016 10:11 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 143

You deserved it 988

By Mandy - 17/09/2011 00:25 - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 742

You deserved it 2 425

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 14:22

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 308

By Seabiscuit - 06/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 466

You deserved it 77 627

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 92

Strange terminology

By Not true - 18/07/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 301

You deserved it 1 732

By eeelise5296 - 01/03/2012 20:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 330

You deserved it 3 187

Devil's wages

By fucked - 14/03/2014 19:40 - Canada

Today, my boss - AKA Satan - told me I'd better watch out, because I'm now top on his list of people to lay off next time the company downsizes. All I did was give a report to the board admitting that our sales are down this year. He blames me for making him look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 752

You deserved it 3 748

By oh, feck off - 27/04/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 041

You deserved it 1 475

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 01:46 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 5 081

By RingRing - 11/12/2010 07:12 - United States

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 423

You deserved it 34 137

By SingleSara. - 02/03/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know 3 hours ago before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 946

You deserved it 3 404

By ohai95 - 08/08/2012 00:11 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 908

You deserved it 6 377

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 868

You deserved it 2 936

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 04:41 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 329

You deserved it 2 953

By satisfied88 - 02/06/2011 14:49

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 610

You deserved it 16 023

By yanksbitethebig1 - 16/03/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 971

You deserved it 6 115

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall. I saw a couple walking out of the mall and decided to follow them and take their space when they left. After following them for a good ten minutes, I realised they were heading to the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 443

You deserved it 32 730

By slicero - 07/12/2016 04:40

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 983

You deserved it 628

By Champs - 25/01/2009 17:52 - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 144

You deserved it 26 357

By Anonymous - 17/03/2015 14:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boss chewed me out for leaving a work function early. I explained it was to avoid a former co-worker I constantly fought with. The boss revealed he purposely invited that former co-worker, hoping our fight would provide entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 410

You deserved it 2 981

By diorlove - 21/01/2010 22:17 - France

Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 487

You deserved it 4 910

By alisaav - 08/08/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 216

You deserved it 13 587

By klutz - 10/08/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 813

You deserved it 56 664

By freakofnature - 31/03/2012 16:17 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 493

You deserved it 2 375

By ohmylantis - 04/05/2011 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was introducing me to some business partners. As he was going along telling me their names, when he introduced me, he called me by my best friend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 154

You deserved it 3 714

By rach - 19/05/2013 22:33 - United States - Roy

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 622

You deserved it 4 351

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 540

You deserved it 44 618

By Dirty - 23/02/2017 08:00 - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 282

You deserved it 535

By kylie - 25/12/2018 00:00

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 2 624

By Cherie - 09/12/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 240

You deserved it 2 442

By Anonymous - 25/04/2012 14:33 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 462

You deserved it 2 709

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 493

You deserved it 4 262

Wake up Boo!

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 20:01

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 79

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Top comments

Welshite 39

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:01

I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:04

I bet he wasn't creeped out though. After a while, though, I think it was less up and down the leg, and more up and down the dong. I think he's ready for take-off. I bet his jet engine enjoyed its four-stroke cycle.

Welshite 39

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:01

I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)

perdix 29

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:28

If he objected, he could have easily pushed her hand away. He didn't push her hand away, therefore . . .

gc327072 30

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:14

The old man= Perdix in 20-30 years.

cosmosis 12

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:20

Hes just unlucky op wasnt dreaming about skiing.

KMtheDrummer 6

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Saturday 22 December 2012 6:48

I originally thought OP was male, which made this much funnier.

JBChristian 46

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:02

Well that would be quite embarrassing, huh?

mzrobinson 13

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:10

Hence why it's on FML. -___-

renjisgirl12 22

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:22

I was just about to say the same thing lol

loloalltheway 23

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:22

I agree with the baby!

Silent_Thrill 17

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:46

#20, I also agree with the baby! Here's to you mzRobinson. Jesus love you mor..... oh god dammit!! Time to go watch The Graduate.

MrPlopper 9

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Thursday 20 December 2012 23:24

I like how the cat agreed with the human child and not the other cat

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:04

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:25

Ugh. I don't know why I bother anymore. Whatever.

zingline89 18

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:35

It's okay Pleo, FML is hit and miss. One minute you're flying high, the next you come to a crash landing. Once the down thumbing begins, people like to just pilot on. But hey, I'll always be your wingman. I mean, wouldn't you rudder try than just not comment at all?

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:46

Who nose? It's not fun having the FML thumb police on my tail. I mean I'm a Fighter, but meh.

Dusty_Busters 15

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:46

Well done!

danielnieves 4

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Thursday 20 December 2012 20:44

Jet engines don't have strokes

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 20 December 2012 20:52

I like to pretend that they do.

codyjohn17 5

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:05

Wow.... Try to avoid him slipping roofies in your drink. Or as I like to call it "floories" (hangover quote)

biggestfan23 11

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:25

#4 that had no relevance to this FML

sexxxysydney 14

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Thursday 20 December 2012 20:33

I get what you were going for. Unfortunately, it just didn't work out.

verkdizzle 2

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:01

Not only did the quote not have anything to do with the FML. But you ruined it even further by naming the source like we're all half-wits. I don't appreciate that very much

verkdizzle 2

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:06

The 'frowned upon, like masterbating on an airplane' quote would have been more relevant here

seandoc 13

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:09

This seriously made no sense..

onorexveritas 23

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:06

hilarious

renjisgirl12 22

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:06

lets just hope he didn't want to return the favour :S

Lauren324 18

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:07

I'm surprised he didn't tell you to keep doing it.

gracehi 31

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:30

I wonder why my comment was deleted. I wasn't being mean to anybody. Welshite, I realize that old people aren't necessarily celibate. Hell, it's not like I've never heard of Hugh Hefner. I was just being silly and making a joke.

olpally 32

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:31

Wrong username welshite... Her name is Lauren. Lmao. As for the fml, have fun explaining that to the old man op, sure he didn't mind at all though. Lol. Edit:: Never mind... I didn't see gracehi there! Whoops! Lol

gracehi 31

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:09

"Today, the young lady in the seat next to me on the airplane fell asleep. I guess she was dreaming, because she began to seductively run her hand up and down my thigh. That's the most action I've gotten in about fifty years. FML"