Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML
Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I was asleep on a plane. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone around us laughed. FML
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'll bet you didn't hear him complaining, though. ;)
Pleonasm 36
I bet he wasn't creeped out though. After a while, though, I think it was less up and down the leg, and more up and down the dong. I think he's ready for take-off. I bet his jet engine enjoyed its four-stroke cycle.
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Comments (103)
powerkeep 24
There is no way you deserved that. I do not know what is with people today
sweetmama88 6
I sure hope in joyed it!
zombieslayer83 19
YDI, that was a creepy dream to begin with!
docscientist 10
Don't be an idiot.
sweetmama88 6
I hope he in I joyed it ! Lol
spikekutter 9
uhm, why is my comment for this gone? i thought that it was a dude so i was wondering if he was gay..
BananerzFresh 12
You made that tge best plane ride that old man has ever had. Haha.
EsOSiQueEs 14
I don't see how OP deserved this. I talk in my sleep all the time, and occasionally sleepwalk, believe me, you can't control what you're doing while you sleep. :3
buckdharma 38
Do you vaguely remember the lullaby now?
nottheyoungest 18
He probably thought it was a nice Christmas gift. He never did protest.
PhishloverA 14
I knew it would end this way. I'm psychic