Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Can't win

At will

By wot02 - United States

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, I uploaded a video to YouTube. I have around 20k subscribers, so I'm not a huge deal. I used a "fail" sound effect. I just got an email from YouTube saying that I got a copyright strike. They told me that it was the 4-second sound effect. They copyrighted 4 seconds of my video. FML

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By Anonymous

Yeah, that probably wouldn't work

Today, a coworker was telling me he was lonely and needed someone special in his life. I replied, "Why don't you find yourself a girlfriend?" He looked at me weird and said, "I'm gay." FML

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By married life - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I had to explain to my husband why I was assuming that he was planning to attend my graduation ceremonies for my PhD next week. He still doesn't understand why he has to be there, and is pissed that he will miss his weekly pub crawl with his friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

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By baller12 - United States

Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked. FML

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By anon - United States - Northbrook

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

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By thatsucks - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my housemate used a dry vacuum to unclog the toilet before moving out and then didn't change the vacuum bag. He left several weeks ago. FML

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By Pox - United States

Today, I got chickenpox. I'm 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn't going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Adults don't get chickenpox." He then fired me. FML

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By keyless - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

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By freakingout - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

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By Rude awakening - 28/10/2020 14:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Black out

Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML

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By toriforever - United States

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

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By hedgehog5 - United States

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

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By thatguy - United States

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

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By ShampooThief - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

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By Anonymous - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Tuzla

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

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By crop circle galore - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

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By Anonymous

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Chur

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

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By viabbey - United States - Cadillac

Today, after waking up in a panic since I slept through my alarm, I hurriedly got ready and started speeding to work. On the way, I texted my boss to apologize for running late. His response? "It's Saturday." FML

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By Cowgirl_Up37 - United States

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

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By Ggirl - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fremont

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

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By Nutty - United States

Shush

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Hmmm, twins

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

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By reallythough - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 08:01

Traditions suck

Today, I found out the girl who ghosted me a month ago is engaged. Not only is she engaged, but she is in an arranged marriage. And not only is she going to be married, but she still has feelings for me. FML

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By Anon - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

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By fuck - Canada - Airdrie

Late reaction

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend accidentally left her facebook logged onto my computer after she left my house. I looked on her facebook and found a very long message between her and my other friends talking about how much they hate me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my babysitting job because the baby’s first word was my name. Well, I’m sorry, but if you ask me to look after your child 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and by the time you pick them up they’re already asleep, of course they’re going to know my name better than yours. FML

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By spiderwoman - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

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By GoAggies - United States - Herriman

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

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By Tom - United States

Today, I was the 19th wheel at a party. Yes, I counted. FML

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By Niquesha - United States

Today, while trying on an outfit in the dressing room at the mall, I got locked in. I decided to take 5 minutes to try and get out by crawling under the door. After I got out, I realized I left my cell phone, my purse and my pants inside. FML

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Top comments

By Alex_DeLarge | 0

#634206 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:31

Yoohoos are awesome!

By deathbunny256 | 0

#634214 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:36

what's a yoohoo?

COMMENTS

By Alex_DeLarge | 0

#634206 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:31

Yoohoos are awesome!

suaveneanderthal | 0

#634262 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:13

bad things happen when you try to see how much will fit in your mouth....

FenderYK | 0

#634263 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:13

second?

Mintyfreshy | 0

#634286 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:42

OH NO YOU SNEEZED YOOHOO! ITS ON YOUR COVERS!!!! YOUR LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKED!!!! Might as well end it.

FMY_FYL | 0

#634293 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:48

at #13.
that's what she said.

Dabamash | 0

#634530 - Friday 23 October 2009 13:48

Hahaha

ilovefatcats | 12

#968336 - Friday 26 March 2010 3:52

loooooool :D

darby323 | 0

#1063636 - Monday 5 July 2010 1:58

lol #18!!! XD

kxxjoejoexxk | 8

#5211694 - Monday 3 December 2012 22:17

Whats yoohoo....

By deathbunny256 | 0

#634214 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:36

what's a yoohoo?

nokka | 5

#634226 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:41

Yoohoo is a kind of cold chocolate drink:
http://www.yoo-hoo.com

And OP, FYL for really bad timing ^^

Maxine17 | 8

#634355 - Friday 23 October 2009 9:54

So glad you asked there, Deathbunny256.

Sometimes I wish I was American, you always seem to have wonderfully sounding snacks/drinks.

paivarotti | 0

#634567 - Friday 23 October 2009 14:22

It's not a juice box if it doesn't contain juice.

Ashleigh255 | 0

#1211121 - Monday 9 August 2010 10:07

yeah^^ I know right. it's like a chocolate milk.. :/

EmmaLouise3397 | 0

#1653324 - Friday 5 November 2010 8:28

Well in England we have Yazoo's. Maybe it's the same thing.

thedoenut | 5

#4714870 - Saturday 21 July 2012 4:28

It's a magical chocolate drink that taste like if you mix happiness and rainbows together

quinn1184 | 25

#5595536 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 8:05

You're Canadian too?

By youEQUALtosser | 0

#634221 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:39

You're such a div.

By thatonekid2010 | 0

#634225 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:40

2nd!
yoohoos are amazing!

Maxine17 | 8

#634369 - Friday 23 October 2009 10:05

You are wrong.
You are not 2nd.

merekat95 | 14

#6003886 - Thursday 10 July 2014 14:07

What's he think he's 2nd to?

By dudeitsdanny | 9

#634236 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:50

How do you drink a Yoohoo out of a juice box?

redbluegreen | 40

#634244 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:54

Yoo-Hoo comes in the little juice boxes as well as in a can or bottle.

dudeitsdanny | 9

#634278 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:31

But.. If it's a chocolate drink.. Can it really be called a juicebox? That's what I meant -)

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2539990 - Friday 20 May 2011 21:14

with a straw.

By hellawagon | 0

#634238 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:50

I'm sorry you had to clean up a mess that was your fault?

By drmike_fml | 0

#634249 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:58

hahahahahHHHahahahahahaha

By Gen_Knowledge | 0

#634250 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:00

Woah, I'm so sorry for you!

I just... i just can't believe that something terrible like this happened to you!

OMG - it's totaly not your fault! I light a candle for you.

By switchbladehooli | 0

#634256 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:06

Heehehehehhehehehee! Classic

By perdix | 29

#634277 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:28

How are you going to convince anyone that you didn't have explosive diarrhea in bed? No one is going to accept your invitation to come close enough to smell it.

kmfyr | 0

#634311 - Friday 23 October 2009 9:10

I'm tempted to try that sometime.