Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box....

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 700

You deserved it 41 519

Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

Triage

Stand up guy

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 17:43 - Meade

Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 047

You deserved it 946

By fucked by sex ed - 29/03/2013 17:18 - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 762

You deserved it 16 934

By failure - 15/10/2014 01:06 - United States - Loomis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 4 970

Insane parents

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 11:08 - United States - Sammamish

Today, I found out that 20 years ago, when my friends would call to talk to me after I started being homeschooled, my parents told them we were moving. We never moved. I could never understand why all of my friends stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 316

You deserved it 102

By Stu - 19/06/2012 09:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 617

You deserved it 2 756

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 01:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 967

You deserved it 4 401

It's called growing old

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 11:01

Today, I woke up with the nastiest, most brutal hangover ever. I haven't had alcohol in 10 years and I only eat healthy, yet my body craps itself out because… reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 111

By AppState - 01/03/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 203

You deserved it 27 220

By --- - 06/07/2015 20:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 528

You deserved it 12 846

By KaLa - 08/02/2009 16:30 - Canada

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 441

You deserved it 4 216

By iannie - 31/07/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 344

You deserved it 39 407

By NextTimeMom'sDriving - 11/06/2014 16:41 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 511

You deserved it 4 451

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 831

You deserved it 10 508

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 17:14 - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 962

You deserved it 4 404

By cande - 01/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 838

You deserved it 2 498

That's tasty

By shithole - 26/12/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, my dad and I found in my house a water filter that has not been changed in over 20 years. We have been drinking that water that has been going through a filter that had more colors than a rainbow on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 077

You deserved it 9 130

By spitt - 13/05/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 2 481

Pay up

By ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV - 07/11/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 184

You deserved it 4 894

By bunintheoven - 23/10/2012 04:21 - United States - Seligman

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 354

You deserved it 5 083

By creepermagnet - 10/10/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car on the parkway. We pulled over, the guy told me his car was fine, and then asked me out on a date. It was only when I replied "no" that he decided he wanted his car fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 862

You deserved it 18 806

By Peachtree - 04/06/2018 15:00

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 610

You deserved it 447

By fml - 12/08/2011 06:14 - Canada

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 753

You deserved it 30 455

By unhappyelf - 14/11/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 851

You deserved it 2 718

Awks

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 903

You deserved it 3 496

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 23:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 391

You deserved it 13 036

By merrymary - 07/01/2012 11:11 - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 642

You deserved it 6 031

By Twilightsux - 31/01/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend had replaced our picture in her locket for a picture of Taylor Lautner shirtless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 190

You deserved it 6 112

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, instead of watching a movie like a normal family, we performed random acts of kindness by handing out roses to total strangers in the freezing cold. No one would take them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 498

You deserved it 6 132

By BryanTazed - 22/08/2015 12:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 733

You deserved it 6 669

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 329

You deserved it 5 354

By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 889

You deserved it 399

By octoberrain - 12/10/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 421

You deserved it 3 646

Uber Thiefs

By lukey101 - 12/03/2021 02:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my Uber passenger stole one of the rear floor mats out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 73

Lovely

By 3firedepos - 15/06/2020 05:06

Today, I walked outside and was so happy about the return of smell of campfires and summer time. I now realize that the campfire smell was a house burning down in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 21/07/2015 17:50 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 845

You deserved it 8 246

Australia? Australia.

By ReptillianFreeloader - 13/02/2017 11:00 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 142

You deserved it 644

By jzappe - 11/10/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 797

You deserved it 5 992

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 17:00

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 2 623

By TheRoad42 - 20/08/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 641

You deserved it 2 717

By hardlyworking - 04/03/2011 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 647

You deserved it 37 680

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Top comments

Alex_DeLarge 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:31

Yoohoos are awesome!

Maxine17 8

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Friday 23 October 2009 9:54

So glad you asked there, Deathbunny256. Sometimes I wish I was American, you always seem to have wonderfully sounding snacks/drinks.

Alex_DeLarge 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:31

Yoohoos are awesome!

suaveneanderthal 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:13

bad things happen when you try to see how much will fit in your mouth....

FenderYK 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:13

second?

Mintyfreshy 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:42

OH NO YOU SNEEZED YOOHOO! ITS ON YOUR COVERS!!!! YOUR LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKED!!!! Might as well end it.

FMY_FYL 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:48

at #13. that's what she said.

Dabamash 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 13:48

Hahaha

ilovefatcats 12

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Friday 26 March 2010 3:52

loooooool :D

darby323 0

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Monday 5 July 2010 1:58

lol #18!!! XD

kxxjoejoexxk 8

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Monday 3 December 2012 22:17

Whats yoohoo....

deathbunny256 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:36

what's a yoohoo?

nokka 5

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:41

Yoohoo is a kind of cold chocolate drink: http://www.yoo-hoo.com And OP, FYL for really bad timing ^^

Maxine17 8

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Friday 23 October 2009 9:54

So glad you asked there, Deathbunny256. Sometimes I wish I was American, you always seem to have wonderfully sounding snacks/drinks.

paivarotti 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 14:22

It's not a juice box if it doesn't contain juice.

Ashleigh255 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 10:07

yeah^^ I know right. it's like a chocolate milk.. :/

EmmaLouise3397 0

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Friday 5 November 2010 8:28

Well in England we have Yazoo's. Maybe it's the same thing.

thedoenut 5

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Saturday 21 July 2012 4:28

It's a magical chocolate drink that taste like if you mix happiness and rainbows together

quinn1184 25

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Wednesday 24 July 2013 8:05

You're Canadian too?

youEQUALtosser 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:39

You're such a div.

thatonekid2010 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:40

2nd! yoohoos are amazing!

Maxine17 8

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Friday 23 October 2009 10:05

You are wrong. You are not 2nd.

merekat95 14

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Thursday 10 July 2014 14:07

What's he think he's 2nd to?

dudeitsdanny 9

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:50

How do you drink a Yoohoo out of a juice box?

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:54

Yoo-Hoo comes in the little juice boxes as well as in a can or bottle.

dudeitsdanny 9

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:31

But.. If it's a chocolate drink.. Can it really be called a juicebox? That's what I meant -)

ichikibobivopula 0

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Friday 20 May 2011 21:14

with a straw.

hellawagon 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:50

I'm sorry you had to clean up a mess that was your fault?

drmike_fml 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 7:58

hahahahahHHHahahahahahaha

Gen_Knowledge 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:00

Woah, I'm so sorry for you! I just... i just can't believe that something terrible like this happened to you! OMG - it's totaly not your fault! I light a candle for you.

switchbladehooli 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:06

Heehehehehhehehehee! Classic

perdix 29

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Friday 23 October 2009 8:28

How are you going to convince anyone that you didn't have explosive diarrhea in bed? No one is going to accept your invitation to come close enough to smell it.