Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box....

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Insane parents

In my day…

By Anonymous - 31/8/2013 16:12 - United States - Modesto

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

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By awwshit - 13/10/2009 14:13 - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

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By Handyhusband - 26/10/2017 13:00 - United States

If the women don’t find you handsome, they’ll at least find you handy...

Today, I installed a doggie door at my wife’s grandmother’s house. I was putting the door back on the hinges when I realized I had put it at the very top of the door instead of the bottom. I’m now trying to turn this hole into a window. FML

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By aprouddaddy - 4/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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By ThreeMoreYears - 3/3/2020 03:01

Jesus, take the wheel

Today, during my religion class, my instructor decided to use the state of the class's cars as a metaphor for our relationship with God. When I told him my car had been totalled in an accident last week, he yelled at me for being an "agent of Satan." One class down, 59 to go. FML

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By Noname - 19/1/2009 23:12 - Australia

Today, I was watching TV and realised I am attracted to Sandra Oh. FML

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By LoveLost - 9/7/2016 02:57

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

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By Whoops - 28/1/2010 20:21 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

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By drano - 2/8/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

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By mcase - 31/7/2012 05:36 - United States - Compton

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

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By babyeaternomnom - 30/6/2012 16:22 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

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By iheartexes - 6/11/2010 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bailed on our one year anniversary celebration because his ex girlfriend asked him to go to a wedding with her and pose as her fake boyfriend. FML

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By Galaxy-eyes photon human - 4/6/2020 02:00

Misery

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. The worst part is I’m currently stuck in his house and can’t even deal with a fight right now. Why? Because I just had surgery this morning. FML

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By wrestling probs - 26/5/2015 02:24 - United States

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

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By Kimberly - 25/7/2009 09:55 - United States

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

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By katchoo - 3/11/2013 07:34 - Denmark

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

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By mike - 7/2/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

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By **(: - 9/8/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

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By klutz - 15/12/2016 15:41 - United States - Woburn

Today, I broke my fifth bone in three years. While I'd like say that they've all been scary, athletic injuries, most have been from attempting to do things as mundane as walking. FML

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By xUnluckyx - 18/3/2010 05:45 - Canada

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2012 18:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my friends to see a movie. I handed my student card over to the cashier as proof I was old enough to see it, and he started laughing hysterically at my picture. Then he called over a colleague, who also started laughing. FML

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By crzyry - 23/2/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2009 08:21 - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2012 04:51 - United States - Hernando

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

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By - 7/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 05:40 - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2013 21:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

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By GHEttoUp - 1/5/2019 02:00

Today, my husband and I are temporarily moved into a cheap apartment in town until settlement for the house we are buying. So far, from my balcony, I’ve a watched a drug deal take place and a man scratch at the ground then lick his hands. It’s going to be a long three weeks. FML

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By CorinnenotaplanB - 28/7/2018 01:30

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

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By Tuffgunsmoke - 4/2/2010 07:22 - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

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By azmom - 27/3/2012 17:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

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By crashingdown - 29/5/2010 05:28 - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

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By noname - 4/12/2008 05:55 - France

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

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By It's Something - 27/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Toledo

Welcome to retail.

Today, I finally got a new job. Now, instead of dealing with trashy, rude young adults all day, I get to deal with self-entitled, berating old people all day. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

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By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

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By those_allergies - 12/5/2013 05:20 - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

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By lulu - 11/2/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

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Top comments

By Alex_DeLarge | 0

#634206 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:31

Yoohoos are awesome!

By deathbunny256 | 0

#634214 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:36

what's a yoohoo?

COMMENTS

By Alex_DeLarge | 0

#634206 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:31

Yoohoos are awesome!

suaveneanderthal | 0

#634262 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:13

bad things happen when you try to see how much will fit in your mouth....

FenderYK | 0

#634263 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:13

second?

Mintyfreshy | 0

#634286 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:42

OH NO YOU SNEEZED YOOHOO! ITS ON YOUR COVERS!!!! YOUR LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKED!!!! Might as well end it.

FMY_FYL | 0

#634293 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:48

at #13.
that's what she said.

Dabamash | 0

#634530 - Friday 23 October 2009 13:48

Hahaha

ilovefatcats | 12

#968336 - Friday 26 March 2010 3:52

loooooool :D

darby323 | 0

#1063636 - Monday 5 July 2010 1:58

lol #18!!! XD

kxxjoejoexxk | 8

#5211694 - Monday 3 December 2012 22:17

Whats yoohoo....

By deathbunny256 | 0

#634214 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:36

what's a yoohoo?

nokka | 5

#634226 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:41

Yoohoo is a kind of cold chocolate drink:
http://www.yoo-hoo.com

And OP, FYL for really bad timing ^^

Maxine17 | 8

#634355 - Friday 23 October 2009 9:54

So glad you asked there, Deathbunny256.

Sometimes I wish I was American, you always seem to have wonderfully sounding snacks/drinks.

paivarotti | 0

#634567 - Friday 23 October 2009 14:22

It's not a juice box if it doesn't contain juice.

Ashleigh255 | 0

#1211121 - Monday 9 August 2010 10:07

yeah^^ I know right. it's like a chocolate milk.. :/

EmmaLouise3397 | 0

#1653324 - Friday 5 November 2010 8:28

Well in England we have Yazoo's. Maybe it's the same thing.

thedoenut | 5

#4714870 - Saturday 21 July 2012 4:28

It's a magical chocolate drink that taste like if you mix happiness and rainbows together

quinn1184 | 25

#5595536 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 8:05

You're Canadian too?

By youEQUALtosser | 0

#634221 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:39

You're such a div.

By thatonekid2010 | 0

#634225 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:40

2nd!
yoohoos are amazing!

Maxine17 | 8

#634369 - Friday 23 October 2009 10:05

You are wrong.
You are not 2nd.

merekat95 | 14

#6003886 - Thursday 10 July 2014 14:07

What's he think he's 2nd to?

By dudeitsdanny | 9

#634236 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:50

How do you drink a Yoohoo out of a juice box?

redbluegreen | 40

#634244 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:54

Yoo-Hoo comes in the little juice boxes as well as in a can or bottle.

dudeitsdanny | 9

#634278 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:31

But.. If it's a chocolate drink.. Can it really be called a juicebox? That's what I meant -)

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2539990 - Friday 20 May 2011 21:14

with a straw.

By hellawagon | 0

#634238 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:50

I'm sorry you had to clean up a mess that was your fault?

By drmike_fml | 0

#634249 - Friday 23 October 2009 7:58

hahahahahHHHahahahahahaha

By Gen_Knowledge | 0

#634250 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:00

Woah, I'm so sorry for you!

I just... i just can't believe that something terrible like this happened to you!

OMG - it's totaly not your fault! I light a candle for you.

By switchbladehooli | 0

#634256 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:06

Heehehehehhehehehee! Classic

By perdix | 29

#634277 - Friday 23 October 2009 8:28

How are you going to convince anyone that you didn't have explosive diarrhea in bed? No one is going to accept your invitation to come close enough to smell it.

kmfyr | 0

#634311 - Friday 23 October 2009 9:10

I'm tempted to try that sometime.