Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML
Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML
Today, my dad texted me while I was in the dentist's chair getting my teeth cleaned. The dental hygienist jumped at the notification sound my phone made and split my gum open. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML
Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML
Today, I choked on oatmeal, watered-down soupy oatmeal. It seemed to get stuck halfway down. I chucked up several spoonfuls. My wife was oblivious to all the noise I was making because she had her over-the-ear headphones on, listening to some stupid YouTube video. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nuked 0
And why were you singing during a game? YDI for being a disrespectful idiot.
Malevise 0
YDI for being annoying.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (160)
guitardedman 0
football > being a stupid little girl you choking makes this great
MiaKong 0
YDI and got off easy. Who yells "NO" to their dad?
bailo 0
me. and lots of other people. there are the people who grow up in patriarchal respectful households and there's the people who don't. the people who don't do say no, and i think they both turn out just about the same. so who cares. let's just be nice and happy.
solipsistic 0
Respect your parents lest they smack you upside the head.
danceoo 0
no, some people grow up to be considerate, and some people grow up to be inconsiderate, and they never turn out the same. i think she should have gone somewhere else to sing
iplaywow 0
eh, i do believe that where you are raised and how you are raised do contribute to a lot of how a child acts, i for one believe people who are taught to be respectful will be a lot more successful in life then the "everything is for me and no one else matters" beauty queen, though i myself was raised by parents who didn't care much and would let you get away with almost anything and i am respectful and well mannered (sometimes) so i guess it just comes down to your parents
WTFsGoingOn 0
#33, I guess you didn't consider that your parents would probably be happier if you'd shut the hell up and do what they ask without questioning it all the time or giving your thoughts on the matter. I still remember the first time a small child tried to argue with me at a mall. It was the first time I got to use one of those "when I was your age" stories. "When I was your age my mother would have smacked the hell out of me for being a disrespectful brat in public." Yeah, that little girl's mother was shocked too. :)
krnmafia92 0
I think you're an inconsiderate bitch if you yell "No" to your dad. Indoor voices, kiddies.
GlassCity 0
#52 is my hero. :D also, You deserved it. Who sings while chewing gum and hanging upside down, you're not in the effin' olmpyics.
frowzy 0
singing while chewing gum and hanging upside down has finally been recognised as an olympic sport? about bloody time.
trillian_fml 0
YDI for being inconsiderate and self centered
TheLoneWolf87 4
now make your dad a sammich
suesblues 0
Awesome!
JustAReaderOfFml 4
The sexist jokes are getting old.
polico_wolf 0
:O!!!! JustareaderofFML is using propper grammar!
polkadot1453 0
never get in between a man and his football game...
kazaam 0
those are the exact words i was gonna post if no one else had
jgrimaldi 0
ahhh, Darwinism!
courtinkerbell 0
stop being an immature little brat and maybe gum won't get stuck in your windpipe. you deserved it, big time. grow up.
ZombieKnickers_fml 8
If someone is watching something it's polite to be quiet. Very inconsiderate of you, plus the way you objected AND the fact that you was not only upsidedown and chewing gum but you were also singing whilst doing that is plain stupid. YDI for not having manners.
Ilurveunderoath 0
I hate douchetards like you that always feel the need to sing and have no regards for others. And what exactly made you feel the need to be so bratty?
boatkicker 5
So, OP WHY did you feel the need to do that? Because I can't honestly think of one good reason. Were you wanting to watch something? Too bad, dad wins because he's, well, your dad. You can ask him if you can watch your thing instead, but if he says no then you deal with it. Do you just generally hate football and so it was annoying you that it was on? Simple solution: go somewhere else where you don't have to listen to it. I personally hate football. I never felt the need to ruin other peoples enjoyment of it. Did you dad annoy you by doing something unrelated to the game? Again, too bad he wins because he's your father. Basically the generally accepted rule is 'you dont give your parents lip, unless they do something REALLY REALLY EXTREMELY out of line. Hushing you, which in general is a pretty mild action, does not count as even a TINY bit out of line. Out of line is when your mother wakes you up early in the morning and says "you have until dinner tonight to find a job or you're not coming back home tonight" and then follows through with it for months, and then pretends to forgive you just so that she can give you a bunch of christmas presents and then take them away just to show you what you're missing and kicked oyu out again. Then a few months later tells you to come home and doesnt even let you take off your coat before she's calling you a lazy irresponsible brat because the kitchen isn't clean yet. THAT is an acceptable time to yell at your parents. Hushing you is not. Grow up, and learn to not be a brat.
Tomhasnocaffeine 2
got to agree with "boatkicker" he/she whatever, (tolled it like it is) XD lmao
boatkicker 5
She, and thank you. FML's that are "I did something wrong and something bad happened" piss me off.
iplaywow 0
i never before imagined someone that kicks boats to be wise, but i guess i was wrong
NataleeC 0
I agree!
Veritas143 0
Little Known Fact: If the few that kick boats hadn't been doing it since the dawn of boats, boats would own the world..it's science..look it up.
boatkicker 5
You guys are awesome, just so you know. You made my day.