Work: Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers...

By Username

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only 4 hours to go until I get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28738

You deserved it

2462

Favorite

Work

Season finale

Compassion

Kids and their wacky crazes

By Anonymous - 8/4/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Business is business

Today, my lawyer lied to me about how much of a settlement she won for my workplace accident. I got £20,000, but she lied and kept £55,000 for herself. My lawyer is my wife, and she claims she’s entitled to that money since she’s the one who’s really suffered caring for me during my recovery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1495

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By christinabear - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18840

You deserved it

88651

Favorite

By spockswifey - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said "if I ever have or ever will, there's no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you", and gave me a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40919

You deserved it

8368

Favorite

By fashionVictim - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44559

You deserved it

12950

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32675

You deserved it

3092

Favorite

By dmsmcd - United States

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34931

You deserved it

3954

Favorite

By sydneyp3435 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46561

You deserved it

5650

Favorite

By great 1st impression - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

52655

You deserved it

7853

Favorite

By SadSister:( - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34777

You deserved it

3021

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31416

You deserved it

6040

Favorite

By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29679

You deserved it

1972

Favorite

By Titatoum - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32823

You deserved it

5748

Favorite

By AnonymousOne

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10955

You deserved it

619

Favorite

By Laughluv - United States

Today, I realized that I have been playing a little too much Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I realized this when I was watching a youtube video and there was someone walking in the background who I impulsively tried to gun down and kill by moving my mouse over him and clicking repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7779

You deserved it

36737

Favorite

By wtfseriously - United States

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8434

You deserved it

78353

Favorite

By KillahCam - United States

Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33911

You deserved it

2576

Favorite

By m??

Mansplaining 101

Today, as always, my boyfriend is better than me at everything, including skills that I have years of experience with, while he has none. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1564

You deserved it

416

Favorite

By Chris75 - United States

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24507

You deserved it

3834

Favorite

By OldHabitsDieHard - United States - Erie

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42657

You deserved it

18683

Favorite

By DeActivated - United States - West Jordan

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44115

You deserved it

5934

Favorite

By CapitolSouthSux - United States

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41029

You deserved it

4006

Favorite

By Hooker - United States

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48925

You deserved it

20507

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30367

You deserved it

2732

Favorite

Pain in the neck

Today, my mom drove my car and ran had to make a u turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she speeds to turn running off the road and denting my car. Make it worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions. Then follows up with it is not that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

314

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker talk about how he dumped his needy ex for another woman. I'm the ex. We kept our relationship secret from our coworkers. I guess now I know why he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46957

You deserved it

5875

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26384

You deserved it

2258

Favorite

By Boarder - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50193

You deserved it

5434

Favorite

By Authentik8 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25799

You deserved it

2214

Favorite

By annesolmm - France - Paris

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39387

You deserved it

8979

Favorite

By ADH2000 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21779

You deserved it

47037

Favorite

By weldingmachine217 - United States - Blanchard

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28093

You deserved it

3600

Favorite

By Pissssd - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34829

You deserved it

4054

Favorite

By apparentlytoofat - 26/4/2020 05:00

Superficial World

Today, my husband said he thinks of me as more of a roommate than a romantic interest, and he’s wouldn't be that attracted to me unless I lose another 20 pounds. I was just celebrating that I’d lost 5 pounds already in April. Stress makes it harder to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2191

You deserved it

288

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 12:04 - Canada - Edmonton

That's a hard no, Patricia

Today, my aunt asked me to change my major to a program I’m not interested in so her depressed son, my cousin, could have a study buddy. I’m in my last year of university and have been accepted to a master’s program. FML

I agree, your life sucks

995

You deserved it

Favorite

By Soakedandbroke - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22853

You deserved it

1746

Favorite

By gothicvamp93 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36039

You deserved it

2360

Favorite

By FML - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22608

You deserved it

1710

Favorite

By Fat and Embarrassed - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12690

You deserved it

1333

Favorite

By argh - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks

10392

You deserved it

32132

Favorite

By crankg - United States

Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8539

You deserved it

55213

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#1743261 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:06

You're going to be eaten up for your wording there, darling!~

By ilikethebeatles | 0

#1743442 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:32

^^sure you did...

COMMENTS

By bmexoxo98 | 0

#1743239 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:02

first!?

By KiaMaster | 0

#1743243 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:03

sounds like my job...

SHAAAAAARK | 1

#1743427 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:29

just give him a hand and continue with your job.

underguarded | 20

#1743507 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:43

LOL

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1743802 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 11:19

OP you say it likes its a bad thing. i see it as an opportunity, just marry the guy and wait till he kicks the bucket and BAM! you are rich.

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1745341 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:08

10 comment and picture win. And 27 made it better.

sloppyflow | 1

#1745900 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:02

I certainly hope op isn't a guy :x

InfamousRaider | 15

#5522564 - Wednesday 5 June 2013 23:35

I wonder what happened after that?

By twinny_sc | 13

#1743245 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:03

Stalkers are fun!

By Mirorbo | 26

#1743261 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:06

You're going to be eaten up for your wording there, darling!~

Freeze_fml | 16

#1743467 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:36

I see what you did there.

6969awesome | 0

#1744094 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 12:48

I don't

malheartsnutmeg | 20

#1745960 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:42

30, It's implied that the 'old' man will take 4 hours to 'get off' too.

Freeze_fml | 16

#1746013 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 20:34

Mirorbo said she's going to be eaten up.

By xLil_Mx | 0

#1743330 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:13

I would slap him :| I got slapping issues as you can see :P

MonkeyMan03 | 0

#1743985 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 12:20

then she'd most likely get fired

TXjuggalo972 | 6

#2001868 - Monday 24 January 2011 12:58

thank you

By FYLDeep | 25

#1743387 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:23

You deserve it for giving him alcohol.

Litlmae | 4

#5343236 - Monday 28 January 2013 2:06

She said a drink, not alcohol...

By jakeisawake | 3

#1743403 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:26

Better hope you can book it out of there before the old man catches you.

By AAShah | 0

#1743431 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:30

I feel your pain OP

I had a stalker too.
He would call me and say we should have phone sex.
Or meet up at a hotel.

BloodyHeel | 8

#1744338 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 14:10

Fascinating.

By ilikethebeatles | 0

#1743442 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:32

^^sure you did...

By mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1743444 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:32

fail