Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted,... - FML

By Anonymous - 3/6/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

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Gratitude walks

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Sister of the year

By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me, thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

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By piss off - 8/4/2016 22:05 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

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By wetandpantsless - 4/10/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

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By Noname - 15/3/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

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By anonymous - 24/6/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2014 03:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

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By Birdman - 23/6/2018 15:00

Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML

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By ViviMage - 20/7/2018 20:30

Today, while working in a blood drawing clinic, a mom sat in the chair holding her 4-year-old child, who kicked me square in the groin. Being a heavyset lady, I shrugged it off and collected the sample, while the child screamed, "Kicking worked on the last man that did this!" FML

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By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 15:36 - United States

Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML

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By Acu7519 - 16/4/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

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By queenmabby - 16/1/2019 12:00

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

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By anonymous - 8/1/2013 00:21 - United States

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

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By WTF? - 12/8/2013 04:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

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By scaredinnyc - 14/11/2012 01:03 - United States - Trenton

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

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By icecreamer - 6/7/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

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By almost_a_pro - 23/4/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 13:00

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

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By Pissed - 21/9/2012 23:20 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

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By Derp-A-Herp - 27/5/2011 05:46 - United States

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, in a crowded hallway, I saw the guy I fancy standing in front of me, with his arms open wide. Thinking he wanted to hug me, I wrapped my arms around him and stepped back. He looked at me like I was nuts. I then realised he was trying to hug the girl next to me. FML

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By seriously? - 23/8/2013 07:40

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

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By 94lbs of muscle - 2/10/2013 18:37

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

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By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - 8/3/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

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By Carl - 16/10/2011 12:47 - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

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By ScrewedOver - 2/1/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

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By WhyGodWhy - 18/10/2016 06:33 - United States - Addison

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

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By Anne - 29/4/2012 06:41 - United States

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

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By SKuser - 19/5/2009 08:09 - China

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

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By The_Black_Jesus - 31/3/2013 13:32 - United States

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

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By Rory - 14/4/2012 22:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

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By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

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By SpanishInFrenchClass - 6/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

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By D - 9/9/2011 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

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By hendrix1 - 25/8/2011 14:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a break-up letter, using Comic Sans. FML

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By notacreep - 16/5/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

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By goodgrief - 30/10/2013 18:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

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By superfiedman - 4/8/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

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Top comments

By mehwhateverr | 0

#259919 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:03

The person on the street was just a random crazy and your boyfriend doesn't have to love you. In fact, what bothers me the most is when people say "I love you" just because they're in a relationship... even if they aren't really in love.

#1, her boyfriend isn't an ass for telling the truth. AND he said he won't treat her any differently. He sounds like a gem.

By crownme | 0

#260038 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:50

Wow your bf is a genius, that's the perfect reponse!

COMMENTS

By AlfonzoRex | 0

#259915 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:01

First comment! O:
I think ;D unless someone else does.

but that's lame D: Your boyfriend sounds like an ass.

Reply

thesparkman97 | 0

#3091061 - Friday 12 August 2011 6:53

YDI, attention whore. Love's a tough word for guys to throw around.

Reply

thelovelysecks | 15

#3412352 - Monday 10 October 2011 10:22

how can you date someone who doesnt love you?

By mehwhateverr | 0

#259919 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:03

The person on the street was just a random crazy and your boyfriend doesn't have to love you. In fact, what bothers me the most is when people say "I love you" just because they're in a relationship... even if they aren't really in love.

#1, her boyfriend isn't an ass for telling the truth. AND he said he won't treat her any differently. He sounds like a gem.

Reply

B47m4n | 0

#2733609 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 0:59

i agree 100% with you, most ppls have no meaning behind the words: I love you. her boyfriend is a gent shes just a drama queen

Reply

hle270 | 5

#5542372 - Wednesday 19 June 2013 15:25

it depends on how long they have been together. if they are only going out for a couple of months it could be too early to say it, but I personally wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship if the person you're with doesn't love you.

Reply

keyofdestiny13 | 24

#6215466 - Friday 27 February 2015 7:48

I agree, #2. I'm very strict on the word "love" myself. People use it too much.

By AlfonzoRex | 0

#259936 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:09

Well, does she love him? It's kinda hard to be in a relationship if you're not on the same page..

By Frolly_fml | 0

#259941 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:11

Your bf is a dick, share the love everyone.

By mother_green7 | 0

#259959 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:16

lol i just sing out to the perverts:

i don't want no scrubs!
scrubs is a guy who will get no love from me!
scrubs is a guy on the passenger's side of his best friend's ride
tryin' ta holla at me

i love that song...

By hipchic | 0

#259973 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:24

That's sooo lame! XML

Reply

thebigtwinkie | 28

#6064715 - Sunday 14 September 2014 13:21

Is that a new emoji face?

By ajscw | 0

#259975 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:25

LOL

By simplybad | 0

#259984 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:26

I'm a cunt, lol.

Reply

050294 | 0

#822164 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 19:05

Shut up, ass

Reply

milady666 | 2

#4603337 - Saturday 23 June 2012 9:53

That's probably one of the most sexist things I've ever heard. There's nothing wrong with the woman taking charge.

By PleaseSayTheBaby | 0

#259993 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:32

#5 You look like a scrub...
OP He sounds like a faggot but at least he is honest.

#1 OMG you are the first to comment, do you want a fucking cookie?

By Peroxide | 3

#260001 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:34

Just tell your bf you found a man who DOES love you. Just don't mention he was some random pervert nutjub.