Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time...

By Maddii1112 - 10/8/2016 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

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Love

Weird kid

Don't you know that you're toxic?

This ain't working out

By killer - 16/5/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

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By thoughtitwasspecial - 18/5/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

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By Homeless - 9/3/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2014 19:26 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

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By Elcam - 16/10/2013 08:22 - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

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By IceCreamCraver - 16/8/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 13:47

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

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By KaraAnn17 - 12/2/2011 16:29 - United States

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2017 05:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2009 05:23 - Canada

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

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By anonymous - 30/10/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

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By ImprovTeacher - 16/6/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2015 07:54 - United States - Wheatland

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

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By Waterfalls - 7/10/2014 11:33 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

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By NotTheSoulMate - 26/9/2013 06:54 - United States

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 08:30 - Australia

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

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By uglyyyyy - 28/10/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

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By ohgodwhy - 10/2/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

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By betrayed - 16/7/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

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By cullenthegreat - 25/8/2016 16:26 - United States - Villanova

Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2015 16:13 - United States - Inez

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

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By Lincoln - 20/1/2009 01:23 - Australia

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2019 14:00

Sneaky

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

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By LonelyBoy - 16/3/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend has way more friends than I do. How did I realize this? She called me to tell me she was at the beach with her friends and how much fun she was having. I was playing WoW in my room, and my friends don't answer my texts. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

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By fmlmylife - 11/3/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 18:58 - United States

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2010 23:00 - Canada

Today, was parent appreciation day at my daughter's KG class. On the stage, each child was asked to define each parent in one word. When it was my daughter's turn, she looked at me hard, thinking. Finally, in the end she said, "My daddy is very fat." Everybody stared. FML

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By ScienceFail - 25/7/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

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By MikeIsMaster - 16/2/2010 10:46 - South Africa

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

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By duderboi99 - 25/5/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

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By lagirl - 9/6/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2018 20:30

Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML

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By stepsister - 10/6/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

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By juliearis - 6/7/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

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By daniella101 - 28/6/2012 18:11 - United States - Lacombe

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

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Top comments

By King0fgames | 18

#6669386 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:19

Well he must love his parents of course right! And his cats and dogs... And goldfish... And food...

By allykaymorris | 24

#6669394 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:41

At least he's honest.. Maybe it was awkward, he wanted to tell you and didn't know how, he was nervous...

But honestly, you should probably just move on.

COMMENTS

By King0fgames | 18

#6669386 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:19

Well he must love his parents of course right! And his cats and dogs... And goldfish... And food...

By goodread2200 | 10

#6669388 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:20

I hope you mean ex boyfriend (unless he's referring to family or pets or friends in a platonic way).

By Nckc8819 | 11

#6669390 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:29

Well did he specify if the other person he loves is in terms of romantic love? It could be anything like family friends or even a pet

By allykaymorris | 24

#6669394 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:41

At least he's honest.. Maybe it was awkward, he wanted to tell you and didn't know how, he was nervous...

But honestly, you should probably just move on.

By joetan | 16

#6669400 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:47

Sorry but As a busybody.. I wonder "Who else?".. Could be good as in he loves his family as much as you.. Or.. It could totally swing the wrong side.. ? fyl..

By Sir_Cow | 17

#6669403 - Thursday 11 August 2016 11:55

Let's hope he's talking about his mom.

By Death69 | 24

#6669410 - Thursday 11 August 2016 12:08

Could be he didn't express himself properly?You may wanna get clarification, as to who else is on his "love list"? Good luck OP.

By Incognico | 22

#6669434 - Thursday 11 August 2016 13:20

And... probably you're not the only one who is gonna dump him..

By yukibunny | 5

#6669437 - Thursday 11 August 2016 13:27

dump him.he was probably cheating.

By Unlucky1232 | 20

#6669440 - Thursday 11 August 2016 13:35

um.... uh... Yeah he.... he loves his mom too of course and um.... his hobbies too gotta love those.... at least he's honest?