Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father... - FML

By Sad nerd - 5/1/2013 17:09 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

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Everyone's an expert

Time don't heal nothing

Business savvy

By awesome - 11/4/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

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By towelwindow - 5/8/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

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By BMTH2296 - 21/3/2014 23:42 - United States

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2019 00:01

Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. She's four. FML

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By GLX - 14/6/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

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By Rachel247 - 1/8/2009 23:13 - Israel

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 12:25 - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

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By WickedRene - 2/8/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

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By JustWashedTheseJeans - 25/10/2016 01:05

Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML

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By adalia - 19/7/2009 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

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By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

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By nutrigrain123 - 23/5/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

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By plaid_is_cool - 5/5/2020 05:00

Open-minded

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2017 06:03

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

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By noway - 3/1/2014 11:03 - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

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By sad drummer - 17/1/2013 20:50 - United States - La Jolla

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

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By It's CSI Miami - 24/6/2015 04:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

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By STFU! - 3/4/2020 17:00

Caught the bug

Today, my girlfriend has been randomly screaming out, “Coronavirus! Hehehe!” in a scarily accurate Cardi B impression. She’s been doing it for days and refuses to stop. I’m starting to think facing the damn virus might be less annoying at this point. FML

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By River - 18/7/2015 04:08 - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

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By Eli - 20/9/2011 00:21 - Canada

Today, I had a violent allergic reaction to some bread I ate at a restaurant. How did they apologize? By sending me a free basket of bread. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

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By LadyChristina25 - 5/6/2009 01:07 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

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By Koda - 6/5/2011 04:27

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

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By susan - 24/2/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Family Ties

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

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By Samantha - 16/8/2012 22:36 - United States - Holt

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

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By A - 4/6/2011 19:48 - Canada

Today, I received a phone call at work about an emergency and I had to come home immediately. I arrived to find that no one had been hurt and the house hadn't burned down. The "emergency" was my mom ran out of milk and cigarettes. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 21:23 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

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By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 05:50 - United States - Austin

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

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By coop42 - 15/1/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

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By disappointedjamaican - 31/8/2014 18:44 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

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By jacobianscum - 29/11/2015 07:05 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

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By fabs1171 - 29/11/2012 05:40 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

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By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

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By Radbaby - 12/10/2018 03:00

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

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Top comments

By shjenn | 7

#5310605 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:09

What a great way to ruin a moment... I'd flip

By shaebayla | 6

#5310610 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:13

Congratulations OP. Hang in there, and don't let their problems over shadow your success!

Comments

By shjenn | 7

#5310605 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:09

What a great way to ruin a moment... I'd flip

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5310679 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:38

Noor-

Because nothing says "fuck you, dad!" like impromptu somersaults!

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5310737 - Sunday 6 January 2013 3:19

Op said 'mum'. must be British :P

Reply

nanxi | 30

#5310788 - Sunday 6 January 2013 4:00

Oh phew, thanks for pointing that out, #36! I wasn't sure, after reading where the FML entry came from and all, so you sure cleared that up for me!

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5313761 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:11

^ Oh I didn't realize there was that feature. My deepest apologies. I was right either way though.. :)

Reply

WoWurCooL127 | 5

#5315971 - Wednesday 9 January 2013 11:05

Sounds more like time to go to court most states require tuition of children whose parents are divorced to split it in 3

Reply

londoner86 | 13

#6123144 - Wednesday 19 November 2014 22:55

ruin a moment? Is OP seriously more upset about having her "moment" ruined than about her parents' divorce?? Priorities way out here.

By shaebayla | 6

#5310610 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:13

Congratulations OP. Hang in there, and don't let their problems over shadow your success!

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#5310670 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:35

Exactly! That's an absolutely amazing feat!!!! Be proud OP. I'm happy for you!

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5311864 - Sunday 6 January 2013 22:30

Your going to your dream college and who knows witho

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5311865 - Sunday 6 January 2013 22:32

*with time everything could work out.

Sorry for commenting twice I accidentally hit validate early.

Reply

stevenJB | 25

#5388787 - Friday 1 March 2013 21:35

Yay for more college money since they aren't together!

By TurkeySlab | 9

#5310612 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:14

Ouch. Well theres always the bitter sweet just look for the good.

By rivaraven | 35

#5310624 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:17

I really hope this won't affect if you can go there or not..

Reply

minzzy | 8

#5310668 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:33

I don't know why you're getting thumbed down, but I agree with you. The divorce shouldn't affect if OP goes or not.

Reply

happle | 21

#5311023 - Sunday 6 January 2013 7:46

Hopefully not, but OP's parents may not be financially stable after the divorce.

Reply

bReLiNg | 18

#5311329 - Sunday 6 January 2013 15:18

OP can qualify for aid. I'm going through the same thing.

By gracehi | 31

#5310625 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:17

Life's a bitch, and, apparently, so is your dad.

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5310717 - Sunday 6 January 2013 3:02

Maybe OP's mom is too, her dad has to have some reason for divorcing her.

Reply

happle | 21

#5311027 - Sunday 6 January 2013 7:49

I think OP's dad is a bitch for breaking such terrible news right after she told him something good.

By Cowgirl9999 | 8

#5310626 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:17

Aw I'm sorry, Op :( congrats though!!

By lilhellian | 26

#5310627 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:18

Well damn you get accepted he divorces your mom.. I'm curious as to what he would have done if you had been denied...

By Smashhoof | 15

#5310628 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:18

This is the second FML today to end in moment ruined. I wonder if there's a connection...

Reply

laya_fml | 26

#5310635 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:20

Someone must be running around ruining moments.

Reply

heliraptor | 13

#5310647 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:25

OP's dad must be a busy man, if he already has another girlfriend. Too bad she doesn't like the planes.

Reply

Proughboy | 7

#5310866 - Sunday 6 January 2013 5:16

I was looking around for a comment that said this! Haha that's awesome

By gilliaga73 | 18

#5310629 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:19

Congratulations OP, that's amazing for you! Let's celebrate your success and forget everything else for a while.

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5310707 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:57

Yeah, I'll bring the punch!

By sesamestreetgirl | 5

#5310630 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:19

Congratulations OP! Sorry about that but at least you have the happy news to get through it!