Miscellaneous: Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father... - FML

By Sad nerd - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

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Late term

Free healthcare for all

Motormouth

By itzcorinnelove - United States

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

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By Emily 1992 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, and for the past 3 days, I've had a massive migraine. It finally went away while I was at work, thanks to my nose bleeding all over the place. FML

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By bedrockmike - United States

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 15:30 - Canada - Cambridge

Sweet, my ass

Today, I worked with a sweet old lady. She refused to cook most of the food on the menu, and the food she did cook was super oily. When she received complaints about it, she blamed me for not draining the oil. When the customer defended me, she then told the customer it was her job to drain the oil. FML

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By nicooolea - United States

Today, the 75 year old blinding owner of the bar I work at called me over and told me to fire "Rachel, the stupid c**t after the next wrong thing she does". My name is Rachel. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

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By ShaunBomb - United States

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

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By Anonymous

Pleasant smell

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

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By hopefulanonymous - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

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By lifesabitch2016 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I explained to my dad that I had spent over three hours baking, frosting, and decorating a cake from scratch and how proud I was of it. Without even looking up at me, he replied, "You really need a boyfriend." FML

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By Tay - Australia

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets and lost my job. FML

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By brokenrainbow. - United Kingdom

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

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By IwishIwashigh

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

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By Kelsey Dynes - 6/4/2020 17:00

Meat Market

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had to examine my abdomen. I'm generally a pretty fit woman. After touching my abdomen, my doctor called me "the perfect specimen" and asked me if I was single because his son is also single. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

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By Still No Phone - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML

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By creeper-status - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

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By quadropheniac - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

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By BadgerSpirit - United States

Spooky

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

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By Arcam - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

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By ilovecowboys - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

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By fukingtigans - Croatia - Rupalj

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

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By birdsterrifyme - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

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By DemonicDummy

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML

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By frankkathy - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

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By splooge - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

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By broken - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

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By oopsie - Canada

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ithaca

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

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By nybaby - United States

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

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By GildedByVices - Australia

Today, on Xmas Eve, my eight-year-old and ten-year-old children and I sat down to watch 'Mr. Stink', an Xmas film about a scruffy, stinky tramp. When he first appeared on screen my children both exclaimed in unison, "He looks like you, dad!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

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By fuck - Canada - Cowansville

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

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By happy bday - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

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Top comments

By shjenn | 7

#5310605 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:09

What a great way to ruin a moment... I'd flip

By shaebayla | 6

#5310610 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:13

Congratulations OP. Hang in there, and don't let their problems over shadow your success!

COMMENTS

By shjenn | 7

#5310605 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:09

What a great way to ruin a moment... I'd flip

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5310679 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:38

Noor-

Because nothing says "fuck you, dad!" like impromptu somersaults!

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5310737 - Sunday 6 January 2013 3:19

Op said 'mum'. must be British :P

Reply

nanxi | 30

#5310788 - Sunday 6 January 2013 4:00

Oh phew, thanks for pointing that out, #36! I wasn't sure, after reading where the FML entry came from and all, so you sure cleared that up for me!

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5313761 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:11

^ Oh I didn't realize there was that feature. My deepest apologies. I was right either way though.. :)

Reply

WoWurCooL127 | 5

#5315971 - Wednesday 9 January 2013 11:05

Sounds more like time to go to court most states require tuition of children whose parents are divorced to split it in 3

Reply

londoner86 | 13

#6123144 - Wednesday 19 November 2014 22:55

ruin a moment? Is OP seriously more upset about having her "moment" ruined than about her parents' divorce?? Priorities way out here.

By shaebayla | 6

#5310610 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:13

Congratulations OP. Hang in there, and don't let their problems over shadow your success!

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#5310670 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:35

Exactly! That's an absolutely amazing feat!!!! Be proud OP. I'm happy for you!

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5311864 - Sunday 6 January 2013 22:30

Your going to your dream college and who knows witho

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5311865 - Sunday 6 January 2013 22:32

*with time everything could work out.

Sorry for commenting twice I accidentally hit validate early.

Reply

stevenJB | 25

#5388787 - Friday 1 March 2013 21:35

Yay for more college money since they aren't together!

By TurkeySlab | 9

#5310612 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:14

Ouch. Well theres always the bitter sweet just look for the good.

By rivaraven | 35

#5310624 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:17

I really hope this won't affect if you can go there or not..

Reply

minzzy | 8

#5310668 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:33

I don't know why you're getting thumbed down, but I agree with you. The divorce shouldn't affect if OP goes or not.

Reply

happle | 21

#5311023 - Sunday 6 January 2013 7:46

Hopefully not, but OP's parents may not be financially stable after the divorce.

Reply

bReLiNg | 18

#5311329 - Sunday 6 January 2013 15:18

OP can qualify for aid. I'm going through the same thing.

By gracehi | 31

#5310625 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:17

Life's a bitch, and, apparently, so is your dad.

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5310717 - Sunday 6 January 2013 3:02

Maybe OP's mom is too, her dad has to have some reason for divorcing her.

Reply

happle | 21

#5311027 - Sunday 6 January 2013 7:49

I think OP's dad is a bitch for breaking such terrible news right after she told him something good.

By Cowgirl9999 | 8

#5310626 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:17

Aw I'm sorry, Op :( congrats though!!

By lilhellian | 26

#5310627 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:18

Well damn you get accepted he divorces your mom.. I'm curious as to what he would have done if you had been denied...

By Smashhoof | 15

#5310628 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:18

This is the second FML today to end in moment ruined. I wonder if there's a connection...

Reply

laya_fml | 26

#5310635 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:20

Someone must be running around ruining moments.

Reply

heliraptor | 13

#5310647 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:25

OP's dad must be a busy man, if he already has another girlfriend. Too bad she doesn't like the planes.

Reply

Proughboy | 7

#5310866 - Sunday 6 January 2013 5:16

I was looking around for a comment that said this! Haha that's awesome

By gilliaga73 | 18

#5310629 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:19

Congratulations OP, that's amazing for you! Let's celebrate your success and forget everything else for a while.

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5310707 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:57

Yeah, I'll bring the punch!

By sesamestreetgirl | 5

#5310630 - Sunday 6 January 2013 2:19

Congratulations OP! Sorry about that but at least you have the happy news to get through it!