Miscellaneous: Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy...

By anonymous - 16/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 869

You deserved it 1 923

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Dementia or hate? You decide

Friend's best friend

By Anonymous - 08/11/2018 12:00

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 412

You deserved it 312

By lunarclips - 27/06/2016 14:08 - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 026

You deserved it 1 220

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 450

You deserved it 14 934

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 050

You deserved it 526

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 3 246

By anonymous - 09/03/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 22 253

By itsgotime - 20/03/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 225

You deserved it 7 888

By DBR - 23/11/2009 22:12 - United States

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 556

You deserved it 5 049

Don't worry dad

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 18:00

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 165

You deserved it 470

By ljcxo17 - 01/07/2011 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 162

You deserved it 4 538

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 829

You deserved it 8 615

By This sucks - 11/10/2017 04:30

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 569

You deserved it 597

By poked - 06/03/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 823

You deserved it 4 126

By Jebus - 07/06/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 083

You deserved it 60 907

Get creative

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 00:01

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 49

By Youdontneed2knowmyname - 05/02/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 857

You deserved it 26 595

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 070

You deserved it 7 228

By ugh - 05/06/2010 23:49 - Canada

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 756

You deserved it 3 893

By Its My BDay I Can Cry If I Want To - 10/08/2016 16:51 - United States - Ephrata

Today, all of my friends bailed from the birthday party I was throwing myself. This was also after they had encouraged me for months to have one, knowing I'd never had my birthday celebrated before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 431

You deserved it 844

Busted

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 05:06 - United States - El Paso

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 560

You deserved it 5 747

By princess - 12/04/2014 21:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 447

You deserved it 7 130

By izoliv - 22/11/2008 08:17 - France

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 624

You deserved it 10 718

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 14/07/2011 08:40 - Austria

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 887

You deserved it 2 839

By floggingnasty - 13/02/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 763

You deserved it 2 817

By MyLife - 06/02/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 2 615

By Jan - 18/10/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 543

You deserved it 2 972

By overpriced coffee shop worker - 17/11/2012 18:35 - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 053

You deserved it 2 282

By my face though - 25/01/2016 17:04 - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 760

You deserved it 2 438

By Richmond24 - 29/07/2010 19:10 - Canada

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 695

You deserved it 3 749

Almost right

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 06:01

Today, I told my mom she made me feel unloved my whole life. She called my sister and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 62

By thedogkisser - 06/06/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 077

You deserved it 84 052

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 09:10 - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 393

You deserved it 3 087

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 5 338

By SatelliteUser - 03/12/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 712

You deserved it 2 577

By devourer, apparently - 14/08/2018 22:18

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that I had grown on him. I thought it was cute, until he added, "like a flesh eating bacteria". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 250

By Baustigt - 22/08/2013 14:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 651

You deserved it 13 794

By Anathema_360 - 20/09/2009 23:19 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 129

You deserved it 3 895

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 05:01

Today, I told my “best friend” that I'd tested positive for COVID-19. She told me to “chill”. Ten years of friendship and she didn’t even ask if I was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 212

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Top comments

frivolous 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:16

I hear ramen noodles is good shampoo.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 15:11

You are confused. Ramen noodles are good hair extensions.

thor89 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:14

TWas all or dream or a shitty day

thor89 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:23

The all new I cant believe its not ramen noodles Now in stores

Hanban 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 14:46

Yummy. This is why I enjoyed watching Pathology.

Shamzzz 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 15:05

10 win :P

mrteacup 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:47

bs why would you have to stay there

Phaa 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:45

What kind of ramen was it? ;)

infinitii 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 5:44

atleast you had something to snack on during the session!

Tenebrae 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 8:22

Ick. Forensics is my fifth fall back if microbiology doesn't work.

Hexefrau 5

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 20:40

A. When observing an autopsy for a class such as forensics, you are usually tested on procedure and other subject matter. B. It is beyond rude to walk out during a lecture of presentation. ME's and coroners are grotesquely busy individuals, so to walk out during a presentation would be deplorable, not to mention excruciatingly disruptive. C. Guess what...if you're entering into a forensic field, you better get used to vomit and other interesting fluids and smells. It is not uncommon for the newbies to be locked in the morgue freezer as a hazing ritual, so....

frivolous 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:16

I hear ramen noodles is good shampoo.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 15:11

You are confused. Ramen noodles are good hair extensions.

silentfog 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:11

lol

Kris1987_fml 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 3:22

probably was itchiban rofl

ensemble 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:17

Girl, be glad. On my friend's autopsy observation, some guy put a dead man's dick in her pocket.

MadaZer0 8

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:57

.... Whore-move...

perdix 29

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 15:16

Oh, snick, you are going to have to wait a while. After reading your comment, it stood up and started looking around ;)

perdix 29

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 18:56

Snickerdoodles, I tried to reply to your PM and answer your question, but it said you blocked me.

Luckster 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:19

There woulda been a fresh body for the next class' autopsy in about two seconds if I was there. (Kidding, you morons!)

null_fml 11

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:24

Win for Luckster!

pohkerfayce 0

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Saturday 14 August 2010 22:17

lol! win! #6

ravensfan1091 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:21

WIN

lickmyjock 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:24

Next time react faster and you won't get puked on.

null_fml 11

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:26

React to what, exactly?

Luckster 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:29

Yeah...as if OP has eyes at the back of their head, idiot. You can't react to something you don't see coming.

lickmyjock 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:32

the pretty obvious BARFING sound.

babybubz 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:42

not everyone makes a whole bunch of noise before the vomit actually comes out.. unless you're bulemic : so even if OP heard the noise I doubt there would be enough time to move out of the way..

lickmyjock 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:46

It takes like, what, two seconds to move to the side? Plenty enough time to get out of the way of projectile vomit that first has to travel down from the mouth, digesting in the stomach and back up your tubes...

harmony88 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:56

That makes no sense... vomit generally starts in the stomach and just comes out... not that much time to do anything... but if that's how you vomit, I'm sorry....

rhanana 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 10:02

apparently you eat vomit 25? o.O

null_fml 11

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 10:05

When I puke, I don't make a sound before; only during.

babybubz 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 10:31

lmao @33

tc710 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 11:04

win #27

nmsm 1

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 17:52

@25 I thought vomit comes from the stomach--- doesn't even have time to stay in your mouth--- and when you gag it forcefully comes out.

XDNurse 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 9:25

Rofl!!!! take THAT for two hours... Betch!! but seriously ew, it would be a FHL... angry college student shit on you for hours... have him pay for a day at the salon??