Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML
Today, my two year-old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML
Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
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Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Just chase him with it and pretend it's a shark that wants to eat him. Then grab him and tickle him mercilessly. I'm sure after that he'd wish he'd said it was a whale.
watermelon1 35
At least he didn't call you a whale, and then throw the toy at you.
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Comments (111)
ICastillo 25
See what happens when you try correct everyone and be smarter than people, you get smacked in the face.
Raesin 21
Yes, we should all bring our kids up to be ignorant dumbasses instead of educating them or encouraging self improvement. This is already a world where people can't tell the difference between a gerbil, guinea-pig or hamster and that thinks Sherlock Holmes was a real person.
ICastillo 25
There's a difference between gerbil, Guinea Pig, and a hamster? And what do you mean Sherlock Holmes isn't real? Man are you ******* with me?
Enslaved 38
Too bad he didn't yell "DUUUUCK!" instead.
doondagr8_1 9
Whale you should've known it was a shark.
Brotha_Lou 5
Off topic - back in my country it is rude to correct someone who is older than you specially the elderly, no matter how wrong and stupid they sound.
Jfillhaddabill 6
maybe it was a whale SHAAARK!
Cainicide 5
That kid really likes his sharks.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
**** YOU, IT'S AN OVERWEIGHT SHARK.
ICastillo 25
Or it could have been a whale shark...
PeytonBieda 8
This is not FML-worthy. At all.
buckdharma 38
i feel like this is shark abuse. its pretty obvious this shark has been over fed. cut him back to a few sardines a day and make him exercise or this is serious neglect...
Sir_Swaggington 6
I guess he told you lol.