Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I pulled up to a party/house rave. I was told there were a decent amount of women there. I guess they'd all left by the time I arrived. The only girl I saw there was my ex-girlfriend, who left me without a trace last month, dancing with a bunch of guys who were all physically way bigger than me. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
gc327072 31
Whoa, badass girlfriend! Dealing justice one bitch-whipping at a time! Better not piss her off, OP, your balls would get kicked so hard they'd turn into diamonds. But hey, congrats on having a loyal girlfriend!
SquishFish 15
Hey, least she didn't take it wrong and think you were cheating on her!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
dyslexic_jd 10
I commend you on your choice of girlfriend. But judging the grammar and vocabulary I see in voting for FML's I'll tell you that "commend" is good.
CharresBarkrey 16
So you're dyslexic, a self proclaimed grammar Nazi, AND a sign interpreter? That's ******* impressive.
morella_xx 29
Why is everyone saying this girlfriend sounds awesome? She sounds trashy to me. If someone's bothering you, tell the bouncer - it's what he's there for. Don't act like a Jersey Shore reject and start a fight in the middle of the dance floor, ffs.
Onmyzephyr 5
I'm with you. I wouldn't do any scratching and hair pulling, I'd actually just watch from afar and get a kick out of watching my boyfriend trying to get that girl out of his hair. Maybe that's why I'm single? Heh.
dwc2134 5
Can you really say you wouldn't react with aggression to a junkie feeling up and harassing your significant other? If so, you're a calmer person than most of us.
mrssuarez2011 12
I agree, the proper thing to do would be to say something like "hey that's my boyfriend" etc. I don't have issues with fight as long as they're NEEDED. This wasn't needed, she went solution C not A. Really the only time violence is appropriate, is when you feel physically threatened or someone hit you first. But this? No this was a hot headed little girl who can't solve big girl problems.
kenleybunch 15
I think "meth mouth" might be my new favorite saying..
winkydog4056 16
#51_I may not of know about ball trippin' but meth mouth is older than your grandma's sex life. Try again.....
CharresBarkrey 16
It's not a saying, 51. It's an actual condition, and nothing to be proud of. It smells to all high hell, too. Especially when you have to take teeth x-rays of someone with it.
_wraith 15
Because it's a woman inappropriately touching a man it's laughable? Hmm, and yet I know that were it a man harassing a woman you'd be singing a slightly different tune. Careful, you're double-standard is showing.
_wraith 15
-.-; That was meant for #50 and #52. Sorry about commenting on the wrong thread. Cheerio!
bettyboop428 24
I think 'older than your grandma's sex life' is my new favorite saying.
morella_xx 29
No, I don't think it's laughable. I don't know where you're getting that idea, because I'm pretty much the only one (besides #52) who ISN'T being all "hurrhurr violence is awesome cuz it's a chick!" No. Beating someone up because they're hitting on your s/o is trashy, regardless of gender. Again, you tell the bouncer someone's harassing you, and he removes said offender. Then you get to enjoy the rest of your night. Or, option 2, you all get kicked out of the club and you get to nurse a hangover AND a broken hand the next day, while your boyfriend writes an FML about how he's embarrassed by your behavior. Gosh, which one should I choose?
_wraith 15
" I'd actually just watch from afar and get a kick out of watching my boyfriend trying to get that girl out of his hair." I should have just mentioned #52's comment solely - you were mentioned more or less by proxy because I really don't give a hoot what you think is trashy and what not. You're entitled to your opinion, naturally, but THAT was the statement I was pointing out. And sexual harassment is never funny, regardless of gender.
Onmyzephyr 5
You're... Seriously. Not even going to address anything else, who cares!
onlychildFTW 34
Haha yeah she is. Damn those meth addicts. Disgusting habit really. Skin, teeth and all that burnt finger tips.
Lilithslabyrinth 0
Like a boss!
Leftoverjello 6
Straight guy in a dance club? Check. Girlfriend buying drinks? Check. Dancing by yourself? Check. Girlfriend defending you? Check. Sympathy is at an all time low.
untamable_mare 4
A chick defending her dude because you were loving the attention and didn't have the balls to walk away from Mary Methhead who is jerkin on your junk. I bet she wears the pants in the relationship. Just saying.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Kudos to your girlfriend!
BlueFlatts 20
Exactly, this is what I would have wanted to happen if I were in your boots. So you got kicked out of a club, who cares. You got a kick-ass girlfriend.
Grauncho 27
FML? More like FTW.