Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I pulled up to a party/house rave. I was told there were a decent amount of women there. I guess they'd all left by the time I arrived. The only girl I saw there was my ex-girlfriend, who left me without a trace last month, dancing with a bunch of guys who were all physically way bigger than me. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
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Top comments
gc327072 31
Whoa, badass girlfriend! Dealing justice one bitch-whipping at a time! Better not piss her off, OP, your balls would get kicked so hard they'd turn into diamonds. But hey, congrats on having a loyal girlfriend!
SquishFish 15
Hey, least she didn't take it wrong and think you were cheating on her!
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Comments (114)
MarkQ995 4
This sounds more like a win than a fml moment.
xrudeboyrock 29
Am I the only one who doesn't think the girlfriend is 'awesome?' If someone was hitting on me and my boyfriend went right to kicking their ass, I would be embarrassed. Saying "hey, buddy, she's with me," and walking me away would be enough.
Dracoboxer357 36
74- I'm with you as far as not dealing out a full tilt shit-kicking for simply hitting on my wife, but Op said Mary Meth Mouth was actually Groping him. And anyone that wants to put their hands on my wife's body after being given a solid "No" deserves to have me bust my foot off in his ass.....IMHO of course. ;)
_wraith 15
#78 - I came here to say the exact same thing. It's one thing to overreact because somebody looked at you, but if the situation can't be diffused with words and the person is overstepping that boundary... well, I WOULD expect my fiance to step in at that point. The girl was GROPING him; guarantee he's already told her to leave him alone, in which case she chose to ignore that request. I would have done the exact same thing.
xrudeboyrock 29
Yeah, I guess it's one of those 'you had to be there' situations to see how far the meth-head had gone, and the gf's initial response.
CrazyThyme 10
Well, that's true love. ;p
Lioness8197 18
Your girlfriend is a keeper!
PsychoBitch666 8
Awesome girlfriend is awesome.
venomousddog 19
Atleast your girlfriend knew you were innocent
ohSNAPyall 27
Your girlfriend is ******* crazy.
maddiewoah 15
Hey, OP.. at least you know your girlfriend will fight for you and beat the shit out of creepy druggies for you. :D
firefly319 7
This is an FML for the meth chick. Why would it be an FML for you?
KiddNYC1O 22
Tripping balls... That is all.