Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I... - FML

By Sully - 7/2/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

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Compassion

Child labor

Night terrors

By Yupppp. - 11/2/2015 06:25 - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 21:48 - Croatia - Rijeka

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

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By pained - 2/5/2014 00:23 - United States

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

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By larry_richard - 4/4/2018 18:00 - United States

April Fool

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

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By keifer13 - 3/6/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

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By Redfaced - 15/5/2013 16:54 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

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By downinthedumps - 13/1/2015 02:47 - United States - Detroit

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

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By shrek - 2/5/2016 10:25 - Australia

Today, my brother dyed my white work shirt bright green because I beat him to the shower this morning. As it's my only shirt, I had to wear it to work, where there was a surprise audit and I was fired for incorrect uniform. FML

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By Annonmyus - 3/12/2010 08:56

Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML

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By MissPerspirent - 28/9/2011 02:18 - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

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By shit - 26/1/2014 18:20 - United States - South Holland

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

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By disturbed - 1/6/2014 01:53 - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

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By Classicmen - 19/6/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

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By ironies a b*tch - 13/4/2013 05:04 - United States - Chatham

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend informed me I need to stop staying up all night, because it's "really sketchy" and he feels "uncomfortable" not knowing what I'm doing, and why I'm awake. I'm an insomniac, I have been my whole life, and he knows this. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2018 01:30

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

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By unappreciated husband - 28/3/2014 21:43 - United States - Pullman

Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML

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By ratfaced - 12/10/2017 07:00 - United States - Stamford

What a cozy moment.

Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML

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By Ansharus - 6/6/2016 13:47 - Belgium - Londerzeel

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2017 06:00

FML Uncensored

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain down stairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

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By anonymous - 10/6/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

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By BadBribe - 24/6/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

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By harrington61 - 19/5/2013 21:27 - United States - Midland

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I left my brand new iPod Touch outside. There had been a drought for the past 3 weeks. Not anymore. FML

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By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/5/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

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By meyo555 - 2/6/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

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By Kml - 14/11/2016 12:31

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

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By Why's it so cold in here? - 1/2/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

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By unknown - 9/11/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

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By anonymous - 4/5/2011 10:01 - Australia

Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML

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By - 25/1/2020 18:00

Please do it

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

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By Saphira - 11/11/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

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By DJ - 7/4/2013 18:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

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By JoanT - 14/7/2020 09:43

"Nice alarm you've got there"

Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML

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By slut - 29/8/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

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By momma6126 - 25/8/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale 2 doors down from me. In her price range. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#833055 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:15

drop it like it's hot

By Xuphra | 0

#832628 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:22

FAIL

COMMENTS

By Xuphra | 0

#832628 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:22

FAIL

Reply

killerviral | 0

#832730 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:42

tell her it's a new position fuck till you drop

Reply

laughalotgirl15 | 0

#833414 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:40

haha

Reply

loveyoy22 | 0

#833743 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:08

maybe you should stay in one place? just saying, people are clumsy these days.

Reply

markusabcdef | 0

#834126 - Monday 8 February 2010 8:17

hahahahahahahahahshahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

whitley1031 | 0

#835496 - Monday 8 February 2010 20:49

@ 2

I almost died laughing xD

Reply

princess579 | 0

#1220450 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 3:36

ahaha

By jackg | 0

#832863 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:16

weak

Reply

chely_95 | 0

#833007 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:00

hahaha!! EPIC fail!!

By beast243 | 0

#833052 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:14

dam I enter to be the first to say FAIL

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#833055 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:15

drop it like it's hot

Reply

Joey7361 | 0

#845381 - Thursday 11 February 2010 19:40

^win, but seriously at least do sumthing you can handle

By amihearts | 0

#833065 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:19

that's just awesome dude

By eatmybeans | 0

#833444 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:48

You can't fuck very good can you.

Reply

Starv | 6

#4032142 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 4:19

#9 changed picture after comment, well played #12

By NeonRisk | 0

#833827 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:27

@2 Lol

By Kristen_Alyssa | 1

#833856 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:34

#9 who are you to judge you have a fucking amine picture as your default. Your prob still a virgin.

Reply

monkeymatt | 0

#834969 - Monday 8 February 2010 17:04

well said

Reply

lenavis | 0

#918667 - Saturday 6 March 2010 14:06

You spelled anime wrong.

Reply

maddie30000 | 4

#1459198 - Sunday 26 September 2010 9:05

like!

By TotchiNeko | 0

#833871 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:36

I'm sorry lol. that probably killed the mood. but she should have been holding on. then at least y'all both could have fallen. then you could laugh it off and keep going. if she wasn't pissed.

By bubblesnsunshine | 0

#834172 - Monday 8 February 2010 8:39

kinky. Next time you should do it on the kitchen counter and hit her on the head with a skillet. if all else fails you could just resort to ol fashioned whips and chains... I mean yanno.. the boring stuff