Intimacy: Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I... - FML

By Sully - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

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BO Central

Walk on the wild side

Vulture

By peacexout108 - United States

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

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By RYZILLAHitZ - United States

Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML

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By slightlyfamous - Canada - Port-menier

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML

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By areyouserial - United States

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

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By hozzyandie - Ireland

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML

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By eldar90 - Israel

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

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By gabby - United States

Today, I dolled myself up and hit the campus gym, hoping to leave with a cute boy's number. I left in a stretcher. FML

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By Brinty - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I put up an ad on Craig's List to find a best friend. I don't know what's more pathetic: looking for a best friend online, or the ad being removed almost instantly. FML

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By CollegeBoy - Canada

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

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By Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

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By Diesel - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

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By iamgodzilla - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

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By hell no!

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

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By browniepoints - United States

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

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By Hellosinglelife - Trinidad and Tobago - Diego Martin

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

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By no car - 4/8/2020 17:04

Car Wars

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

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By mikuxxhatsune - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML

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By StUbbY - Canada

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

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By oh my son - Canada - Toronto

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 23:01

That's a new one!

Today, I found out that the guy I was talking to for over a year, who told me he was dying from Covid, is perfectly fine and he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newnan

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

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By blood buddies - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Canton

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

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By whatzthehell - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

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By Never Work With Animals or Children - United States - Van Nuys

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, as usual, I got to my internship early, did everything my bosses asked. At the end of the day, I was fired after 3 weeks of working unpaid overtime because they found an applicant with more experience for the job I applied to and they wanted to cut costs. FML

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By Ixi_the_pixie - United States

Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML

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By wo-ow - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

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By Alyce - 6/11/2020 02:08 - United States - Lewistown

Bunch of bankers, the lot of them

Today, I went to deposit a check, only for them to accidentally deduct the whole thing from my account. I didn't notice this until I went to buy groceries, after the bank had closed. I'm in negative numbers and will get an overdraft charge by the time I can get it fixed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

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By confused_cashier - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

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By concernedsis - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2021 20:00

Your cooking, dude

Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#833055 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:15

drop it like it's hot

By Xuphra | 0

#832628 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:22

FAIL

COMMENTS

By Xuphra | 0

#832628 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:22

FAIL

Reply

killerviral | 0

#832730 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:42

tell her it's a new position fuck till you drop

Reply

laughalotgirl15 | 0

#833414 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:40

haha

Reply

loveyoy22 | 0

#833743 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:08

maybe you should stay in one place? just saying, people are clumsy these days.

Reply

markusabcdef | 0

#834126 - Monday 8 February 2010 8:17

hahahahahahahahahshahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

whitley1031 | 0

#835496 - Monday 8 February 2010 20:49

@ 2

I almost died laughing xD

Reply

princess579 | 0

#1220450 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 3:36

ahaha

By jackg | 0

#832863 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:16

weak

Reply

chely_95 | 0

#833007 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:00

hahaha!! EPIC fail!!

By beast243 | 0

#833052 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:14

dam I enter to be the first to say FAIL

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#833055 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:15

drop it like it's hot

Reply

Joey7361 | 0

#845381 - Thursday 11 February 2010 19:40

^win, but seriously at least do sumthing you can handle

By amihearts | 0

#833065 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:19

that's just awesome dude

By eatmybeans | 0

#833444 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:48

You can't fuck very good can you.

Reply

Starv | 6

#4032142 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 4:19

#9 changed picture after comment, well played #12

By NeonRisk | 0

#833827 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:27

@2 Lol

By Kristen_Alyssa | 1

#833856 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:34

#9 who are you to judge you have a fucking amine picture as your default. Your prob still a virgin.

Reply

monkeymatt | 0

#834969 - Monday 8 February 2010 17:04

well said

Reply

lenavis | 0

#918667 - Saturday 6 March 2010 14:06

You spelled anime wrong.

Reply

maddie30000 | 4

#1459198 - Sunday 26 September 2010 9:05

like!

By TotchiNeko | 0

#833871 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:36

I'm sorry lol. that probably killed the mood. but she should have been holding on. then at least y'all both could have fallen. then you could laugh it off and keep going. if she wasn't pissed.

By bubblesnsunshine | 0

#834172 - Monday 8 February 2010 8:39

kinky. Next time you should do it on the kitchen counter and hit her on the head with a skillet. if all else fails you could just resort to ol fashioned whips and chains... I mean yanno.. the boring stuff