Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I... - FML

By Sully - 7/2/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

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Serious times

The end of the road

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - 26/8/2009 04:28 - Canada

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

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By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/8/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2012 16:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, at my job at the mall, our music malfunctioned and now will only play the same three songs over and over again. Our manager won't let us turn it off because "the customers won't notice". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2016 21:42 - United States - Danville

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

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By kitty - 18/10/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML

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By unwilling redneck - 24/5/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2013 16:37 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

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By mr_loveless - 11/2/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

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By stonehengeva - 27/7/2015 03:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

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By iamlauraheremecry - 27/1/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my power went out due to a huge snow storm. I was in desperate need of candles and flashlights. I had to walk to the store since the roads were closed. I walked 4 miles in the blizzard. When I got home, the power came back on. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

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By rotezora - 2/9/2012 12:44 - Switzerland - Basel

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

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By RadYoHeaD - 4/12/2008 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot to bring a spare shirt. All I have to wear is a wet white tshirt. FML

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By slumber party for two - 6/8/2020 08:02

Just BFF things

Today, my best friend came to visit from out of state. We had lunch, painted our nails and fell asleep sipping wine and watching movies. It was a perfect girl’s day. My boyfriend is now irrationally angry, because according to him it’s not fair that I can have a girl sleep over and he can’t. FML

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By thecatlady - 27/2/2013 07:12 - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

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By KJS - 10/3/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

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By notasgood - 12/1/2010 23:54 - United States

All in the family

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

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By waymoreiwanted - 15/2/2014 03:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

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By "jonnybones223" - 8/3/2019 04:00

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

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By ddriver100 - 5/6/2019 18:00

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

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By dumbass - 15/12/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

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By unicorn_skies - 18/1/2014 08:33 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

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By destiny147 - 30/11/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

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By ghoul - 8/3/2011 11:32

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

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By notpayedenoughforthisshit - 21/7/2014 21:15 - United States - Boone

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

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By gunman - 20/10/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2014 02:29 - United States - Hedgesville

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

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By Nick - 13/5/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

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By KidJwal - 28/2/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

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By Allie - 3/6/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

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By Eh.. - 5/12/2018 04:00 - Israel

Today I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles at smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number and she said "nah" still haunts me. FML

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By toobroketoprotest - 16/8/2019 20:00

Today, I found out that the higher-ups aren’t letting us use the break room anymore, so guess it’s back to eating lunch in my car while it’s 100°F outside. FML

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By Hahapasdroleleptit - 10/5/2011 14:56 - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

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By briscoe - 29/9/2015 02:48 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 16:01

Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#833055 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:15

drop it like it's hot

By Xuphra | 0

#832628 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:22

FAIL

COMMENTS

By Xuphra | 0

#832628 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:22

FAIL

Reply

killerviral | 0

#832730 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:42

tell her it's a new position fuck till you drop

Reply

laughalotgirl15 | 0

#833414 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:40

haha

Reply

loveyoy22 | 0

#833743 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:08

maybe you should stay in one place? just saying, people are clumsy these days.

Reply

markusabcdef | 0

#834126 - Monday 8 February 2010 8:17

hahahahahahahahahshahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

whitley1031 | 0

#835496 - Monday 8 February 2010 20:49

@ 2

I almost died laughing xD

Reply

princess579 | 0

#1220450 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 3:36

ahaha

By jackg | 0

#832863 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:16

weak

Reply

chely_95 | 0

#833007 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:00

hahaha!! EPIC fail!!

By beast243 | 0

#833052 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:14

dam I enter to be the first to say FAIL

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#833055 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:15

drop it like it's hot

Reply

Joey7361 | 0

#845381 - Thursday 11 February 2010 19:40

^win, but seriously at least do sumthing you can handle

By amihearts | 0

#833065 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:19

that's just awesome dude

By eatmybeans | 0

#833444 - Monday 8 February 2010 4:48

You can't fuck very good can you.

Reply

Starv | 6

#4032142 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 4:19

#9 changed picture after comment, well played #12

By NeonRisk | 0

#833827 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:27

@2 Lol

By Kristen_Alyssa | 1

#833856 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:34

#9 who are you to judge you have a fucking amine picture as your default. Your prob still a virgin.

Reply

#834969 - Monday 8 February 2010 17:04

well said

Reply

lenavis | 0

#918667 - Saturday 6 March 2010 14:06

You spelled anime wrong.

Reply

maddie30000 | 4

#1459198 - Sunday 26 September 2010 9:05

like!

By TotchiNeko | 0

#833871 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:36

I'm sorry lol. that probably killed the mood. but she should have been holding on. then at least y'all both could have fallen. then you could laugh it off and keep going. if she wasn't pissed.

By bubblesnsunshine | 0

#834172 - Monday 8 February 2010 8:39

kinky. Next time you should do it on the kitchen counter and hit her on the head with a skillet. if all else fails you could just resort to ol fashioned whips and chains... I mean yanno.. the boring stuff