Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I pulled up to a party/house rave. I was told there were a decent amount of women there. I guess they'd all left by the time I arrived. The only girl I saw there was my ex-girlfriend, who left me without a trace last month, dancing with a bunch of guys who were all physically way bigger than me. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
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Top comments
gc327072 31
Whoa, badass girlfriend! Dealing justice one bitch-whipping at a time! Better not piss her off, OP, your balls would get kicked so hard they'd turn into diamonds. But hey, congrats on having a loyal girlfriend!
SquishFish 15
Hey, least she didn't take it wrong and think you were cheating on her!
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Comments (114)
white16sox 19
Not the way I saw this one ending. I was expecting the gf to be pissed at OP for "flirting" with the other girl.
martin_martian7 11
Your girlfriend is a beast!
winkydog4056 16
Can someone kindly explain to winky dog exactly what 'tripping balls' is!? Winky obviously doen't get out much.
unknown_user5566 27
Only if you explain why you always speak from a third person point of view.
winkydog4056 16
#24_Winky doesn't always speak from the third person.....only when Winky feels dumb for not knowing something. Plus, Winky accidentally referred to self as Wanky....so practice makes perfect.
unknown_user5566 27
Haha, fair enough. "Tripping balls" just means someone is high/under the influence of drugs.
winkydog4056 16
#29_Thank you kyleekay. That's what I thought it meant....its just I never heard that, even in rehab. Kindly, Winky (recovering addict).
mfischer 17
Seriously though, you're reminding me of Smeagol.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
You're reminding me of Dobby, or the other house-elf...Winky! Lol.
SoylentCandycorn 10
At least your girlfriend beat the snot out of the person who deserved it, and not you!
jdmur 6
Your girlfriend is awesome! Clubs aren't even all that great.
Obey_StudBoii 23
So your upset that your gf stock up for herself (not to mention you smh grow a pair!) and you got kicked out? Couldn't you have just told this called "meth head" something to begin with? Plus you say you say you were being harassed. Don't act like you didn't like it.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Stood•
TaffyMichele 9
So you enjoy being sexually harassed? Guys don't enjoy being harassed just because they're guys.
Obey_StudBoii 23
1) Check my profile 2) Ask me that again
chisty87 16
That's a bad ass chick...need me one of those
Bright_Lights 14
So nice to see a loyal girlfriend for once, instead of girlfriends beating the hell out of the boyfriend and assuming before they have the facts...
SadGirl18 16
At least your girlfriend cares about you enough to show that lady you're hers. :) I would probably end up doing the same if some crazy whacked out lady started groping my boyfriend!
iiPluuu 7
She's a keeper!