Intimacy: Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend...

By denise - United States

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25771

You deserved it

4924

Favorite

Intimacy

Out of it

Kids and their wacky crazes

Amazon Prime

By thanatophobia - France

Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24938

You deserved it

2002

Favorite

By Toast514 - Canada

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employee's decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13111

You deserved it

62032

Favorite

By Off to Canada - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, my class was given the assignment to have an informal discussion, debating who would be the best fit for president of the US. The school's security guards were called in after the Trump supporters started fights with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20448

You deserved it

2215

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 17:02

What goes up…

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2048

You deserved it

287

Favorite

By awkward - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a friend's "party". Everyone bailed but my friend didn't say anything, so it's just me and my girl. The train tickets alone cost £20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3205

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By queenmeme - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41270

You deserved it

3713

Favorite

By carey33 - 4/6/2020 14:15

Quite the catch

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1880

You deserved it

193

Favorite

By strictly cum prancing - United States

Today, my boyfriend backed out on our date so he could help his best friend get ready for some kind of drag queen competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20210

You deserved it

6857

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55450

You deserved it

6849

Favorite

By married to a bipedal husky - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10382

You deserved it

1195

Favorite

By yum yogurt - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28315

You deserved it

17084

Favorite

By Not Again!

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1624

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By Ally

shrinks into corner

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3636

You deserved it

625

Favorite

By Fred - France

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22980

You deserved it

5454

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 17:01

Nutritious

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1142

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By wayne - New Zealand

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34607

You deserved it

3535

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12395

You deserved it

31132

Favorite

By wow - United States

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19393

You deserved it

36646

Favorite

By Mick_The_Disappointment

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3075

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58361

You deserved it

16691

Favorite

By Declan - 4/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

A case of Keemstar beard?

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

572

You deserved it

195

Favorite

By sdgsfvbkuhkj - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34553

You deserved it

3097

Favorite

By mia - United States - Wakefield

Today, I told my mom that I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that I should go to the doctor to get checked out. She said that I was probably just gassy, and then ordered us a pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8480

You deserved it

901

Favorite

By embarrassed girl - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. It was going well until I accidentally passed gas. To add to the embarrassment, he rated it. I only got a 4 out of 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43012

You deserved it

7775

Favorite

By severely late.... again!

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2887

You deserved it

249

Favorite

By Rose - United States

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27064

You deserved it

2350

Favorite

By rawr

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38285

You deserved it

3566

Favorite

By Anonymous - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42970

You deserved it

3465

Favorite

By downinthedumps - United States - Detroit

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28876

You deserved it

3305

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4378

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark - Randers

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

37595

You deserved it

5973

Favorite

By anon - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6772

You deserved it

11465

Favorite

By Varnpike

Today, I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1577

You deserved it

6296

Favorite

By mcginnismr

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

14158

You deserved it

1346

Favorite

By grossed the f out

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36013

You deserved it

3802

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 14:01

Love knows no boundaries

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2093

You deserved it

227

Favorite

By Calimero0

Today, I felt so unwell that I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM. The baby woke up at 5, ready to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4166

You deserved it

533

Favorite

By liishax3 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33903

You deserved it

9776

Favorite

By DocShadow - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47559

You deserved it

8797

Favorite

By XRayXLopez1 - United States - Dallas

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12386

You deserved it

1490

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By angryseatroll | 5

#684737 - Monday 23 November 2009 12:20

Ouch. Well... He likes your body if that counts for something.

Dump him.

By Erindub | 0

#685149 - Monday 23 November 2009 19:18

I know it came out wrong but maybe he meant that they're great and all but in case they were to get out you really ought to leave your face out so theres no way to prove who they were. You never know. Its not a gaurentee you guys will last forever. Protect yourself!

COMMENTS

By Mx_Rider | 6

#684734 - Monday 23 November 2009 12:18

yet again my comment wont show up
:(

alexisbabby | 7

#2626514 - Monday 6 June 2011 0:48

creep. ^^

sayyestothedress | 24

#5980728 - Thursday 19 June 2014 14:24

#1 you're the first one to comment, how can your other comment not show up! And #40 lol made my dat

By angryseatroll | 5

#684737 - Monday 23 November 2009 12:20

Ouch. Well... He likes your body if that counts for something.

Dump him.

MadVlrus | 1

#720308 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 0:22

Was probably a joke... you girls take sh*t too seriously.

wildgamer10 | 0

#2426302 - Friday 29 April 2011 0:27

agreed

wholock | 12

#5753459 - Wednesday 13 November 2013 19:20

24, you can't make a double standard like that. You can't stand for the 4 billion females out there and say they take things to the heart to often. If you have been bullied for any reason in your life, I'm sure you would be the slightest bit insecure about yourself to.