Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML
Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back where I work and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand, she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML
Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
MutatedPie 0
knee her in the ****** and falcon punch her face then
FYLDeep 25
You're gonna have to Chris Brown that bitch.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (138)
perdix 29
Face it, your co-worker totally pwn'd you! If you are a good sport about it, maybe she'll massage your injury. You mentioned the attractiveness of the teen, but not your co-worker. However, that's not really important when it comes to crotch massage.
Clarice1 9
OP was a victim here, yeah, but not to the extent that the girl was. His getting "pwn'd" is not the biggest issue.
attatood 8
Damn I wish people would stop sayin "pwn'd". It isn't even a word, it's a friggin typo that someone made by mistake in a game once and it mass spread. How stupid is that? It doesn't even have a vowel! Idiots.
DocBastard 38
attatood - calm the **** down. It's no different than using "dunno" or "gotcha" or "friggin", as you were so kind enough to illustrate for us. Last time I checked, "friggin" is no more in the dictionary than "pwn". It's called slang, so get off your high goddamned horse.
perdix 29
Yeah, attatood, CTFD! Cwm is a word, and if you play Scrabble, sh, mm, and hm are all acceptable. So, there ya go for your "no vowel" rule. Also, mistakes make it into our language -- butterfly is actually a ******-up version of flutter-by. You want to cancel that word, too?
Sparkadelic 4
Hahahaha, perdix PWND you!
quite_bored 9
Perdix, your theory of butterfly is wrong, try again.
tygerarmy 35
Grab your coworkers boob.
hqrdc0r3p1ay3r 1
fake fml
lemonypower 6
How do you not see who grabs your boob? Last time I checked my boobs are in the front of my body....
perdix 29
The old "reach around." Instead of checking the location of your boobs, you must study "The Encyclopaedia of Boob-Touching Manoeuvres for Men and Boys." Every male has a secret copy and we are not allowed to share it with the females . . . OOPS!
quite_bored 9
You sir have slaughtered the spelling of "maneuver".
maddyjayneexox 4
yeah, I'm pretty sure id notice which one grabbed my boobs, no matter which 'maneuver' was used...
fanaticdragon 10
I'm not sure if you've heard of British English.. but that IS how 'manoeuvre' is spelled. American English isn't the only guideline for spelling words. I shall now buy a t-shirt in my 'favourite' 'colour'.
guitarman1998 0
im gonna have to get a picture of them to authenticate this story about your boobs facing forwards. in other words, **** or gtfo.
seven7sinsx 0
pedolicious
Seethatguy 3
Yell at your coworker, knee him in the crotch, and punch him in the face. All shall be forgiven!
Light33_fml 2
after all that you should have reached put and grabbed a hold of both her boobs to make you feel better. lol
Zebidee 8
Ah, it's great to work with people who see lesbian child sexual assault as funny... Next time you see the co-worker, whisper something about there being CCTV cameras in the elevators...
122409 0
I don't see why the fact that it was female-female assault needs to be pointed out. sexual assault is sexual assault. though it does look like 99% of the people who commented on this didn't see the words "with my female coworker"...
i_wuz_nver_here 31
there are usually cameras in elevators show the security guard, sue that bastard, and have them go to jail for sex abuse.
Clarice1 9
Ugh. That's so awful. It sucks that you got blamed OP -- I would hate to be connected to something like that. Seriously, your coworker should be reported for sexual assault. He or she might think it's all a joke and that girl was fine with just yelling at and hitting you for what she thinks you did, but regardless of your gender neither of you could really know how disgusting she actually may have felt. Some people can move on quickly and may not be scarred, but we're talking about a child here and for all anyone knows she could remember this all her life. As someone who was recently a teenage girl, I can say that from experience. I know people come to this site to laugh, and I don't mean to chew you out for something that was not your fault -- my frustration isn't directed at you -- but I felt I needed to say something. That coworker is a pig and I hope you never act the same way.
Clarice1 9
Coworker -- *she
Zebidee 8
Definitely. Besides this, the OP could find this biting him in the ass if he doesn't speak up. What happens when next week the cops show up and arrest him as a child molester, and the tapes of the incident have all been recorded over?
letsgooo_fml 23
Agreed. And if the elevator had cameras then you could get your coworker in a lot of trouble.
missory_missouri 0
#43 I happen to be a teenager and I think she handled that quite well. Of course she punished the wrong person, but it gives her a funny story to tell. I'm sure she'll be fine. No scars, no damage(to her, that is).
BehindBlueEyes17 1
#96, she vicously assaulted an innocent bystander. If you think that's a funny story, then I think you have kind of a sick sense of humor. A more mature thing to do would be to get the security cam footage and then press charges if it really was him. There was no need to handle it with her fists.