Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, my boss overheard me in a bathroom stall talking about how much I hate my job and couldn’t stand him. He didn’t say a word, I hadn't even heard him come in, I just noticed him staring silently at me through the crack in the stall, before leaving. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say, "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You can't really say you didn't mean it, though.
benhd1 14
"And while your at it, the window too."
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Comments (86)
NurseJonathan 9
Really? Do bosses now and days not know the fine line between a joke and rudeness? Seems like a position of power goes to one's head.
CinnamonBunny 16
It's "nowadays", not "now and days". Also, I think you may be a bit too young to use that phrase...
NurseJonathan 9
I try to work at it. I'd prefer not to be associated with the unintelligent drones this generation has been producing.
CinnamonBunny 16
Admirable, but kindness is also a part of maturity. Arrogance is not. Not everyone in this generation is a mindless drone.
s0m3guy2010 21
Cedric the Non-Entertainer never could follow in his brother's footsteps.
ironichalibut 24
So tragic, the same thing happens to almost all celebrity siblings, like Elvis' younger brother, The Duke.
Uhscanherdarklee 10
Could have said you were talking to the window and Cedric is what you call it. Just boils down to which is worse: Having everyone think you're a loon who names and talks to inanimate objects or having your seemingly obnoxious boss upset with you for trash talking him. How convincing are you at playing a crazy person Op?
Ultimate_No 7
No.
Uhscanherdarklee 10
My comment might not be the best but your unoriginal one word response might be worse. Stick to the thumb down button buddy. Or at least come up with a original way to say you don't like it.
NurseJonathan 9
What?
\ 28
Never hesitate to speak your mind. Or at least your subconcious
RedPillSucks 33
Just not out loud.
s15c 9
71- I don't know about you, but the last time I tried speaking my mind but not out loud, a whole lot wasn't accomplished.
SystemofaBlink41 27
You could've laughed it off. Like saying his jokes were too damn funny or something...
lalala1896 6
Awkward if he fires you now...
noelasis94 18
And your leaving words could have been whos the boss now biatch?
Dcm210 19
Shit happens, hopefully you still have a job.
natalia18oo 12
Umm idk if it's because Im not from the united kingdom, but this makes absolutely no sense to me!!
BubbleGrunge 18
I'm a little lost too...someone care to explain? We're a little off our game tonight! :) I mean, who walked by? The boss? Because I thought the boss was I'm the break room....
Xotoolyxo 16
I can just imagine this playing out in my head, too perfect