Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, my boss overheard me in a bathroom stall talking about how much I hate my job and couldn’t stand him. He didn’t say a word, I hadn't even heard him come in, I just noticed him staring silently at me through the crack in the stall, before leaving. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say, "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
You can't really say you didn't mean it, though.
benhd1 14
"And while your at it, the window too."
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
TwiztedYuri 9
just wondering what the chilly temperature in the room had to do with any of this
Lorysa 11
The only reason OP asked his boss to shut the window is because the air coming in from the window was cold. I'm guessing if OP didn't specify that it was cold out, there'd probably be commenters saying "What was wrong with the window being open in the first place?! Lecture lecture, blah blah, YDI."
BubbleGrunge 18
I-I'm really confused! Could someone explain this to me a little more? Blonde moment perhaps but who walked by the window if he his colleagues and his boss were in the room?
Ins0mau 20
His boss walked by the window while in the room. It's not complicated.
BubbleGrunge 18
I'm so sorry, i'm still confused! I was under the impression that the boss was cracking jokes while interacting with OP and his colleagues? No? The boss walked away and he mumbled at him?
olpally 33
Lol, nice job op. *golfers clap* hope you still have a job now.
stevothedevo 25
Cedric was never a good entertainer
seriouscat 11
"Shut the front door!" No one remembers that commercial? Ok...
rawr_ily96 24
You're kidding right? Everyone loves those commercials! On another note, Cedric is definitely a son of a biscuit eating bulldog.
capnbzarr 43
I don't see the problem--you said "please"!
x23bzrk 16
Am I the only one thinking he better hope his boss doesn't read FMLs? Though I guess this couldn't make it too much worse anyways.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#56 > This is an old French FML translated for the benefits of the English speakers. I think OP is good.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#56 > It's an old French FML translated for the benefit of the English speakers. I think OP is good :)
ohgeejosee 19
Is he telling rude jokes or just trying too hard to be funny? I can't really tell who to feel sorry for here haha.
peanutfoo 19
Cedric! You're alive!! No one? Oh.. Ok
jameen 11
You're British and you say 'talking trash' ???