Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
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Top comments
Lia_Mackenzie 4
Would you want someone to fart massively while YOU were sitting on their lap?
aback 5
Just because cats lick their own asses doesn't mean they want to smell yours, too.
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Comments (101)
brasileirinha 0
Lmao why is everyone saying they deserved this? I would never expect my dogs to flip out over a fart.
BadOwner 0
He put his mouth on your crotch? BEASTIOLOGY
XDSmilezXD 4
***********....
Apathy182 5
Isn't it "**********"?
rxxk 0
Why are there more people saying YDI? Everyone in the universe farts. It's part of our DNA.
WTFsGoingOn 0
DNA? Really?
iplaywow 0
they deserved it for doing it when the cat was RIGHT ON THEIR LAP, fyi-cats can smell too
Derek321 2
I don't know the situation enough to absolutely classify what the cat was thinking here in its aggression, but if my dog/cat(s) ever physically *assaulted me (it's master and provider) with its predatory weapons out of a deliberate type of anger and not out of nervousness or surprise, it would be sent to the pound or severely disciplined. It it kept attacking me during the discipline, then it would simply be shot or bludgeoned to death. I love my animals, but I am their master, and they exist for my enjoyment. -Ty
aelw23 0
Uh... shooting or bludgeoning an animal to death is actually considered cruelty... you can get arrested for that, because most people don't believe in bludgeoning animals to death. And since when do animals exist solely for personal enjoyment? Bit of a God complex, there?
iplaywow 0
actually, you exist for your pets, you are not their master, they are your masters, think about it, you feed them and clean up after them and they don't have to do anything else for you, so good luck, and go get your cat a cheeseburger
LinsKitty 0
marry me #56
attatood 8
If you actually fart with an animal on your lap then you deserved it. That is sooo gross! How about the cat sticks it's butt in YOUR face and farts?
cheergurlxx2 0
that happened to my sister lol
augie10 0
Hahahahahahahahahaha
cheergurlxx2 0
im not even kidding
Blippety 23
I wouldn't put it past my cat to do that, 39.
sheltergirl87 0
I have 7, plus 4 foster cats. I know exactly what you went through!
gandalfmooselimb 0
at least you aren't a dude...
Ada360 0
Hey...girl don't piss off the cat. -.- LOL
bigcitydreaming 0
bahahahaha. love it.
r_max 0
The cat probably thought it was being attacked by your ass hence the clawing and biting. Next time think twice before startling animals with your flatulence.