Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
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Top comments
Lia_Mackenzie 4
Would you want someone to fart massively while YOU were sitting on their lap?
aback 5
Just because cats lick their own asses doesn't mean they want to smell yours, too.
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Comments (101)
dogsickftl 0
Today, I was sat on my owners lap. Then she suddenly let out a giant fart, So i retaliated and clawed and bit her crotch, too teach the bitch too not fart around me. FML
Skull_300 0
Cat Scratch Fever
DynamicDave 11
@OP: Marry me please! :)
hasty_D 0
OUUUUUUUCH
UselessName 0
Fake? Do girls fart? :O
borabora1991 0
yes, we do. we also poop on a daily basis as well.
Neon_POP 0
@18 Of course girls fart. Their farts just aren't audible. -.-
Blippety 23
I'm pretty sure 18 was joking.
rsjaco_54 0
that's sick ... now you'll have to cover up the scratches and deoderize the area.
bunnyz126 0
haha lmaoo ya fyl hah
infantry831 0
beaver, you suck
turboless 0
try having ur cAt Bat at ur dirty boxers around.