Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML
Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked, "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
Well, Orbit is always there to use afterwards. I'd still like to know where the hell they tested shit particles flying up in a parabolic arc 25 feet into the air though.
null_fml 11
Well, at least your old friend has a reason not to talk to you for years again.
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Comments (70)
Witchcraft_fml 5
Good lord, I was wondering what that was on my toothbrush.
14hatemachine 2
who has a 25 foot ceiling in their washroom?
gorbagil 0
Shes pretty dumb if she just saw that on the news
Sanchezman1494 0
it doesent matter how far particles can fly. there is already a couple million bacteria on you toothbrush and wind can blow poop particles for very long distances. also, mythbisters did an episode about it.
_20jre 0
that's what your immune system is for... hahhahahaha
Aoife 0
Today, I embarrassed my daughter while she was on the phone with a friend by asking her if she flushed the toilet after pooping. She didn't answer. A few hours later, while I was on the phone, she loudly said, "Of course I flushed the toilet, mom, I know you didn't potty train me that thoroughly, but some things are easy to figure out." FML. This. Do this. And thankfully, I have two half bathrooms. The toilet is alone in one, the shower and sink in the other. My toothbrush is safe.
_adrenaline 0
FYL bc your mom didn't have the decency to knock...
trusszeb 0
YDI for taking a crap on your toothbrush.
HunterAlpha1 8
my mom is like this, except it when i'm talking to some pretty girl at some kind of gathering or function, and my mom walks up and starts talking about jesus
IStoleTheCookies 16
39 - Lol, if someone come up to me and asked that I'd laugh.. Sounds like quite an entertaining subject when you put it that way.